I'll start backwards.
Yesterday I got to go to one of these:
Besides my siblings, this was the first familial wedding I have ever been within proximity to attend.
It was a lovely spring day in Salt Lake City.
Besides the freakin' SNOW!
And besides the fact that I wore the wrong shoes for freakin' SNOW . . .
Not to mention the wrong legs.
And besides that fact that I rode all the way to Salt Lake with two fingers and a Vanillaroma air freshener shoved up my nose because my in-laws spilled gasoline in their car.
Other than that it was great!
I got to give my hub a bad hair cut, then spend the day looking at it.
I also got to spend the day looking at my bee-U-tiful daughter.
And every time the bride and groom went like this . . .
I got to hear my MIL clap her hands together and squeal, "Oh goody goody!"
Have you all been formally introduced to my MIL?
Peeps, meet Dixie.
Or, as I like to call her, Dixie Darlin'.
She's a keeper.
If it weren't for her I wouldn't know half the wedding traditions I know now--like how wedding cakes were made of fruit cake in the good ole' dayz, which was cut into small pieces, covered in Saran wrap, then divied out among the wedding guests, who would take them home and place them under their pillows. By the power invested in the fruit cake genie, whatever the wedding guests dreamed of that night was sure to come true.
My MIL did in fact sleep with fruit cake under her pillow on occasion whilst dreaming of her current hub, whom she has been living happily/semi-happily ever after with for the past 60 odd years. (And I do mean odd years.)
(Shhh . . . don't tell anyone, but we shared Chinese food and a Mountain Dew before the wedding luncheon and I stole my nephew's fortune from his fortune cookie, which said You have a charming way with words, but which my hub, who doesn't believe in fortune, callously threw out with the leftovers.)
After the wedding luncheon we rushed home where I hauled out all my winter clothes from storage for my twins baseball game. But even with two blankets, a sweater, my stay-puff marshmallow coat, a scarf, and pair of gloves, I quickly resembled a human popsicle.
After the game my hub made the mistake of telling my twins they could do aloha wear for the wedding reception.
This is how they interpreted aloha wear:
"That's not aloha wear!" I gasped.
"But I'm wearing a Humuhumnukunukuapua'a shirt!" said one twin.
"And I tucked my shirt in!" said the other twin!
Would you like to see photographic evidence of what the one twin looked like after he changed into his wedding reception attire?
So guess who I saw at the reception!? Guess! Guess! Guess!
Barb from Barbaloot Suit
She was wearing her famous magic red shoes!
I was (by then) wearing my winter tights and riding boots.
With a few staples we would make a lovely centerfold, dontcha think?
Those magic red shoes really work because guess who caught the wedding bouquet without even trying?
It sailed right into her arms as if she were a marriage magnet.
You go, Barb!
The rest of the wedding reception was pretty dull (if you live in the Twilight Zone).
Sometimes I wonder if I am the only person who doesn't live in the Twilight Zone because no one else seemed the least bit amazed that our name had to pass security clearance to be admitted into this reception.
Or that some chica was wearing a skirt made out of ties.
Or that we were standing on the actual floor from the all-star basketball game in 1993, (which, btw, had been purchased by a private citizen for her private residence).
Or that the cake was being cut in front of Michael Jordan's jersey.
Or that there was a styrofoam strawberry ball at the food table.
But then I've never been an up-town girl, so maybe I'm easily impressed.
I am happy to report that at the end of the day I did manage to capture some photographic evidence of my hub doing his air guitar slash river dance.
You see what I mean about the Twilight Zone?