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Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Good things come in threes

I had three revelations while my x-door neighbor, Martha was here in Utah.

Revelation #1: 



Johnny Depp will be out of job soon.







And so will his lovely side kick, Keira Knightly


Revelation #2: 

I need glasses.  







Revelation #3:  

Two and a half weeks is way too long for Martha to be away from her hub:





hee hee hee!  (Lub the facial expressions.  LOLOL)



Monday, January 4, 2010

To Someday! (and FOR FRODO!)

I thought yesterday was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day because when I woke up there was a little draft in my heart. I think my x-door neighbor, Martha left a door open when she snatched up her kids and flew back to Hawaii. Were you born in a barn, Martha!? Shut the door behind you, for goodness sakes.

Besides the draft in my heart, it was Sunday. Sunday = meetings and responsibilities and pressures. Sunday = no rest for the weary.

To top it all off, our new church time is @ two freakin' o'clock. Hello! Who in their right mind goes to church at two freakin' o'clock?

It didn't help my spirits that the 2008 Duggar Family Christmas episode of 17 and Counting was on.

The one where the whole famdamily recreates a live nativity for a local parade on a float they built themselves, complete with stable, manger, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS signs, costumes, camels, donkeys, goats and over 2,000 Christmas lights. All with 35-week-pregnant Mom Duggar pleasantly orchestrating the entire project.

And I can't even get my bathrooms cleaned!!

Bottom line, yesterday I was draaaaaaagging my feet back into reality.

But then something happened. Something magical. My Young Women's board and I got kicked out of the kitchen while we were planning our New Beginnings night. And then we got kicked out of the cultural hall. So we snuck into a secret empty room behind the stage, which had a sign on the door reading: ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Luckily, I don't heed signs (unless they're from the universe) so we let ourselves in and pulled up a seat on the floor. The room must have had a magic spell on it because an hour and forty five minutes later we were still there on the floor, spilling our guts to each other as if we were at a slumber party. It couldn't have been any more amazing if there had been a wardrobe in the corner full of fur coats and a lamp post. There we sat in a CHURCH, of all places, being REAL and HONEST about our ISSUES!

That definitely put a spring in my step.

And then church @ two freakin' o'clock wasn't half bad. In fact it was really gooooood. But then living in my ward is like living in an episode of Sponge Bob. Even the boy who tried to choke my son during Sunday School is endearing once you realize he's just playing his role on the set of an underwater cartoon world. The fact that's he's never been allowed to trick-or-treat and his mom hangs a sign on the door during Christmas that says Santa, please don't stop here just gives his character more depth and dimension.

Church just got better and better, and by the time Young Women's was over I no longer felt guilty that my bathrooms are dirty and that I have no interest in having a baby every year and home schooling my 17 children while recreating a live nativity on wheels.

I just felt so sorry for all of you who are not the YW Prez in the Sponge Bob ward. Best gig ever!

Not trying to rub it in that I am seriously more blessed than you.

Just saying.

As the cherry on top of a very sweet day, Lord of the Rings was finishing their weekend marathon so me and the hub and the kids all snuggled on the couch and watched it until our necks were stiff and our backs ached.

I LUB LUB LUB Lord of the Rings. It's one of the greatest stories ever told. Who doesn't want to give Samwise Gamgee a huge shaka brah? And Gandolf too, and Strider and Sting and Merry and Pippen and of course, Frodo. Dear, dear Frodo.

These characters are like old, dear friends to me because my mom and dad read the entire series to my siblings and I when we were children. One of the only fond memories I have of my dad is him filling my childhood with these brave, magical creatures who faced unimaginable obstacles with courage and heart and sacrificed everything for the cause.

Mahalo, Daddy!

I got the same charge I always get when Strider raises his sword before leading the troops into battle against the orcs and cries FOR FRODO!

And when Sam carries Frodo up the mountain to destroy the ring.


And when the dead show up to help the living fight their battles.


I lub it when the dead show up to help the living fight their battles.

It was fitting that I ended the holiday season and began the new year in Middle Earth because it turned my mind to the stuff that life (and death) are made of.

And to a letter I recently found that my dad wrote to me on December 25th, 1981, three months before he died.

My Dear Daughter,

I love yo so much. . . . your mom and I felt very close to you while you were in the pre-existence--and now we are together again on the earth. But even tho' we are together our memory of our former life and love together has been erased. For some reason you and I have not been as close as I would have had it be--but the day will come when our father will give us our memory back and we'll know and love each other again so much. . . . I will love you always and if I can ever help you someday I will try to do it.

With all my love,

Daddy


Shucks.
I've always felt kinda cheated that he never did help me someday.

But maybe it's not too late. Maybe someday is now!

Or maybe it's been someday all along, and I was just too dumb to get it.


Anyways, cheers to Someday!


Friday, January 1, 2010

Cute + Utarded = Cutarded

*Please exercise patience while reading this post, as there is nothing cutarded about it until the bitter end. 

In the meantime, who wants to have a flashback? Raise your hand.


Moon boots. Remember them? From the 80's?


These moon boots belong to my MIL. She says they are classic.


I say she is classic. And so is her Need a Hug? Call 1-800-Grandma sweatshirt.

What a cutie patootie.


Here she is getting ready to snowboard down Rock Canyon park.  You go, grandma! 

I guess she didn't read the sign.


None of us read the sign, actually. I never read signs or directions. Unless they're from the universe.

So today, Martha, once again, forced us at gunpoint to have FUN, FUN, FUN! 


HOLY SNOWBOARD, BATMAN! Look at her daughter surf down this hill. You can tell she's used to having fun.

My kids aren't quite as used to it.





In fact, one of these boys is still not like the others.

You'd think we were at the beach. And at 40 degrees, it almost felt like we were. Seriously! It was so hot that we started playing strip sledding.  I don't know how many layers I removed before my hub gave me that oh-no-you-don't look.  It was so hot that I get hot flashes just looking at these photos.  Especially when I look at them while sitting in front of a roaring fire. 


Can I tell you something personal? It was such a bee-U-tiful day that I think the universe might be in lub with me. Fo' real. You know how sometimes you just get a gut feeling about matters of the gut? Well I woke up this morning in such a joyful mood that I thought to myself (as I was dancing the tahitian in my kitchen while pouring myself a bowl of Corn Pops) something good is about to happen to me.

Mark my words, this is my lucky year.

Some people attempt to master The Secret, but I have been attempting to master The Ancient Chinese Secret.  And I think it's working for me. 

But enough about my lub affair with the universe (and Asia). This post isn't about me.  It's about my kids and Martha and Martha's kids and our sledding extravaganza. 

So without further ado, here are some highlights: 

But first, Martha, can you please take that baby blanket off your head?


Thanks, that's mo' bettah!


Okay, now to the highlight reel.  Pump up the volume and buckle up for the ride:




















Okay, now who wants to see something Utarded? Raise your hand.

Oh my.  How cute is that? But it gets even better.


In Hawaii people bring their couches to the beach when they camp. In Utah they bring their couches sledding.  

It's called slouching.  

How cute + Utarded is that? Not an insult if you think about it. Only Utah could be so creative with bad posture. 

I think they should rename the state Cute-ah. Or hows about Cute-awww.

Ba dum bum

Live like we're dying

I lub this week.  The week after Christmas is my fav-O-rite week of the entire year. 

It's the eye of the storm.  It's the cushion between the before and the after--the past and the future--where you can actually live in the NOW!  

The hustle bustle of Christmas is over and nothing is pressing or scheduled or expected until after the new year. 

How sweet it is.

In a few days I will have to kick it into gear and get busy.  Whip myself into shape.  Stop eating chocolate and reading autobiographies about Andre Agassi.  In a few days I'll have important things to do--meetings to conduct and activities to plan--goals to set and resolutions to make. But for now I am basking in the beauty of this middle place, where I can get away with simply existing. 

And existing simply. 

sigh

Actually I'm not going to make any resolutions this year. Instead I'm going to make a bucket list because I've decided to take Kris Allen's advice and live like I'm dying.  At least in 2010. In fact, if I happen to get my own talk show in 2010, Live Like We're Dying will be my theme song.

I'm taking advice from Kris Allen now because I got John Mayer's new album for Christmas and I'm kinda worried about him. I think he's depressed because all he sings about is broken hearts and getting stoned. Either he's depressed or he's going country. Either way, let's all send a message out to the universe so he can find another super-hot super-famous girlfriend and regain his Zen master status in my diary.
 
So anyways, as I say fare-thee-well to 2009, I am composing my bucket list to help me live like I'm dying.  Here's what I have so far: 

1.  Clean my bathrooms. Clean bathrooms are like clean underwear and you don't want to die with unclean underwear. 

That's all I've got right now. Any suggestions?


Happy New Year, peeps!  May we be all be as blessed, (or a little more blessed (or even a little less blessed would be okay, (as long is it's not too much less))), as we were in 2009.   

In 2010 may we all live (and clean our bathrooms) like we're dying.

Lub You All!!!!