Tuesday, December 28, 2010

My Plan

Yesterday morning I was laying in bed thinking about my plan. My life plan, that is. I just laid and laid and laid there as the minutes ticked away. Tick, tick, tick. My poor hub had already gone back to work after the holiday break, and my poor kids were still crashed out from our late night movie/popcorn/Sprite party. And poor me, I was just laying there, thinking, thinking, thinking about my plan.

Glad I did it though because I was able to conjure up a vague outline of an obscure rough draft of a six-and-a-half-year plan.

Six and half years.

That's how long I have left until my twins graduate from high school. GULP!

I would tell you about my six-and-a-half-year-plan but it's top secret.

Word: Always keep your plan vague and obscure and top secret. That way no one can sabatoge your plan but you. And that way no one will ever know if you don't follow through with your plan. They'll just think, oh, I guess she meant to not do that.

Kinda like when my daughter trips or slips and falls and cuts her head open she always jumps up immediately and calls out, with blood dripping down her face, "I MEANT TO DO THAT!"

If your vague outline of an obscure rough draft of a plan doesn't come to fruition, alls you have to do is jump up and call out, "I MEANT TO NOT DO THAT!"

And that, my friends, is how I maintain my good mood.

(hee hee) You're welcome.

P.S. This advice also works for New Years resolutions, mission statements, short-term goals, grocery lists and traffic school.

P.S.S. Remember how I was preparing that YW lesson on Sunday? Well, when I showed up to church two of my Laurels had come prepared to teach a combined class lesson about virtue. And guess what? They didn't use the lesson manual either. They used the more current, hip, trendy Preach My Gospel manual.

Smarter than the average Yogi Bear, these youngins! Resourceful too.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Post-Christmas Crash


I'm baaaaAAAaaaack.

It's really me--the post-Christmas Crash Test Dummy. The post-SAM-e loser Crash Test Dummy.

I'm different now. I think.

Or am I?

I must admit that while being rich and famous (mostly rich) would have had it's advantages, I'm a little relieved that I don't have to write 120 posts about how to maintain a good mood. (Are there even 120 ways to maintain a good mood?)

If I ever get rich I hope I'm writing about how to maintain whatever mood I feel like maintaining at any given moment.

You get me?

Right now the mood I'm maintaining is . . . fluctuating. Between the after glow of Christmas joy and good will towards good men, and the desire rising within me to poke those good men in the eye for not updating the Young Women manual since the 1970's.

I'm trying to prepare a lesson for church tomorrow and FER REALS, can we just GET REAL?

(Was that rude?)

It feels like all the other programs in this goldarn church are overhauled and re-implemented every six months, while the Young Women lessons have remained outdated for 30 stinkin' years? Must history repeat itself? Must my daughter endure the same trite anecdotes I endured as a teen?

Look to it, good men! Paleeeeaaze!

I shouldn't be so bossy on Christmas, should I?

Maybe I'm coming down with a touch of the post-Christmas, pre-Sunday blues. The year is winding down, afterall, which means I'm going to have to start being responsible again very soon. No more lounging around being cheerful and eating carmel popcorn while watching Despicable Me. No more taking four naps in a 12 hour period. No more reading intellectually stimulating books by David Sedaris. I need to shift my mind set from thinking it's okay to watch a Rocky marathon AND a Star Wars marathon all in one day to thinking superfluous entertainment gets me nowhere and does not contribute to my eternal salvation or to the building up of the kingdom.

I need a plan for the new year, that's what I need. But first I need to plan out the plan. I need to draw up a floor plan of the plan.

I need to design a whole plantation of plans. Unlock plandora's box of plans.

But let's not think about that today. Let's think about that tomorrow. Today let's just think about the force and the dark side and the eye of the tiger. Today we can live by platitudes alone--"There ain't no can't!" and "There is no try!" and "Luke, I am your father!"

And of course my favorite, "It ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep. moving. forward."

So how was your Christmas, peeps? Mine was perfect, of course. The most wonderful day of the year! Is there anything as gratifying as the handful of hours after all the presents have been unwrapped and all the pie has been consumed? You're just hanging by the moment, a roaring fire the backdrop to the collective euphoria. No one can break the spell. No one even tries to break the spell.

You can't put a price tag on that kind of euphoria. (Although it helps if there are a couple of iPods, a complete set of 2010 Topps baseball cards, and few Pittsburgh Steeler toothbrushes to sweeten the pot.)

So what was your favorite gift? Mine was from my brother-in-law: 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die.

I figure if I read one book every day it would take me almost three years to blow through the reading list.

Even if I read one book every week it would take me 20 years to blow through the reading list, and that doesn't include time for the unlisted, superfluous books, like Twlight and The Bible.

If I read one book every month it would take me 83 years to blow through the reading list. (At that rate you would have to start reading Lolita and Anna Karena before you're potty trained.)

Is anyone else feeling illiterate?

BTW, Shakespeare didn't make the list, even though he was voted A&E's 5th most influential person in the past 1,000 years. But Gulliver's Travels made it so let's all get out to the movie theaters to support Jack Black.


Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Zuppa Toscana Soup for My Soul

I haven't had internet all. day. long.

See it comes and goes from the last cushion on the left-hand side of the couch at the condo in which we stay when we frequent our beloved St. George.

(Btw, I lub St. George. Even when it's in a state of emergency from impending floods, it's still one of my favorite places on earth.)

So today while I didn't have internet I made orange freezies and Million Dollar Fudge. Mmmmm Mmmmm Mmmmm. I may not be rich and famous, but my fudge sure as helk is.

I also made Zuppa Toscana soup. I used the exact recipe the waiter at The Olive Garden gave me after I hypnotized him at gunpoint. And guess what! It tasted EXACTLY like it's s'pose to. Fer reals. MMMMMMMmmmm MMMMMmmmmmm gooooooood. The secret is in the Kirkland brand crumbled bacon. 100% real bacon. precooked. And precrumbled. The other secret is in the chicken broth. Don't use canned chicken broth, peeps! ICK! Bouillon is better. But there is something even better than bouillon. It's called, Better than Bouillon chicken base. And, ftr, if your FIL has a fissured tongue and tells you your Zuppa Toscana has a kick to it and he likes your other soup better, just go easy on the red pepper flakes.

Maybe I should start a new blog called The Good Food Blog. I could be the Good Food Blogger by going around to all your favorite restaurants hypnotizing the waiters into spilling their ancient Chinese secrets. Hmmmmm . . .

Today while I didn't have the internet I also read a little of The New York Regional Mormons Single Halloween Dance and watched a little Coal Miners Daughter.

Oh, and I attended my son's basketball game. That's why we're here in our beloved St. George. For a basketball tourney. He arrived on the team bus last night after nine hours of traveling through the biggest storm of the century. NINE hours! And he was crashed out sick as a dog the whole ride. If I didn't have such a stone cold heart I would have been worried out of my mind. And I would have met him at the bus to bring him back to the condo so I could tuck him in with cold cloths and orange slices and extra strength Tylenol, and I would have climbed up onto his sick bed to rub his aching back and run my finger through his poor sick hair, and I would have watched Pokemon with him as if he was my little boy again. I would have nursed him back to his too-cool-for-school teenage boy self again. If I didn't have such a stone cold heart.

Can I just say a word or two about high school basketball? They take it seriously round these parts. My boy was 10 minutes late for film yesterday and the coach made him run ladders until he up-chucked his guts. When I told the coach it wasn't his fault for being late, it was my fault, the coach made me run ladders until I up-chucked my guts.

My hub says ladders are good for the soul and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I disagree. What doesn't make you throw up might might you stronger, but in my estimation what makes you throw up seems to make you weaker.

But anyways, that's what I did today without the internet. When I did finally get connected I was thankful for all of your words of comfort and support in my comment box and on my Facebook. They were like Zuppa Toscana soup for my soul.


My door


It's me Crash, coming to you live from St. George. I've been very very busy here practicing my acceptance and/or concession speeches for the big announcement today.

My acceptance speech was going to be concise and to the point--something along the lines of:


My concession speech is going to come from a more humble, tearful place:

I didn't win. It's not my turn to be rich and famous. And perpetually blissful. Maybe I can get rich and famous by being Grumpty Dumpty instead. Or maybe I'll try out for America's Next Top Model. Or Survivor. Or The Amazing Race. Or The Apprentice. Or The Mole. Or Dancing with the Almost Stars.

Am I disappointed? Yes! Do I feel like I have a big scarlet letter L on my forehead? Yes! Yes! Yes! But I take comfort in the fact that there are more losers out there then winners in this world, so at least I'm in good company. Which makes me more endearing to all the rest of you losers, right?

(Maybe I should have cheated!)

But anyway, I've still got my health. My perfect health. And my dog. My perfect dog.

Oh, and my kids. I've still got my kids.

And my traffic ticket. I've still got my traffic ticket.

I go to court on January 5th and I'll probably need to change my strategy from "DON'T MESS WITH ME! I'm RICH AND FAMOUS!" to "PLEASE, please, pretty please, don't make me pay that traffic ticket! And btw, do you have a payment plan?"

But fer reals, it's not all gloom and doom over here. Good things are happening too. I saw Thurl Bailey at Costco. When I bragged to my twins about it they said, "So! We see him all that time at basketball practice!"

"He touched me!" said my oldest twin.

"He zipped up my jacket for me," said the other.

"Oh."That's all I could muster. Just "Oh!"

Another good thing is that I'm learning new things. They say you're never too old to learn and it's true. During the drive to St. George my twins taught me that there are various uses for knitting needles. Not only can they make scarves and hats, they can also be used as light sabers, as well as pimple poppers.

My hub taught me that the rumor there are no dumb questions is a myth. There is one dumb question and my hub revealed it to me when he called me from his parents car and said.

"So, do you know how to use the windshield wipers?"

"Ummmmm." That's all I could muster. Just, "Ummmmm."

So anyways, it's all good. Over here. In my world. Yes, my eyeballs got sweaty. But I was just using SAM-e anyway. To get rich and famous. And to further my agenda to heal the world.

As my friend Dolly always says, "If not this, SOMETHING BETTER!"

There must be something better around the corner.

Which reminds me of a lesson I learned when my twins were born. It's was an extremely stressful, dangerous and emotionally draining birth. I'd been in the hospital for two weeks imitating a human incubator after my water broke at 27 weeks. The docs told me that every day I kept those babies in the womb was priceless to their future well being. They weren't fully developed and the risk of physical and mental disability was HUGE.


My full time job was trying to grow some healthy babies so when one of them (my hemophiliac) slipped into the birth canal I kinda panicked. His head was too fragile to withstand the pressure and he was at risk to sustain some serious internal bleeding in his brain. The thought of it kinda freaked me out a little tiny bit.

So my hub put his hands on my belly and said a prayer, asking for divine intervention to prolong the pregnancy until our babies were out of danger.

I was instantly completely calm, cool and collected. I thought I knew why.

"It's okay," I told my hub. "They are not going to be born tonight."

Within 10 minutes they were prepping me for an emergency C-section and my twins made their grand entrance into this world. They spent 6 weeks in NICU and came home hooked to monitors and weighing less than 4 lbs each. They were sick every other week for 2 years and kept us up all night long on several occasions. They had breathing issues and more than once we rushed them to the hospital. On one occasion the hospital rushed to us. (Remember that Martha?)

But you know what? They are just fine. Completely fine. Perfectly healthy normal boys, with slim to none physical or mental issues from their early entrance.

We were so darn lucky. Or blessed. (Tomato/Tomahto.)

My point is, I misunderstood my complete calm as an answer to MY wishes--that the babies would be born according to my desired time frame for their own good--when actually it was just a comforting confirmation that everything was going according to plan. And I was entitled to a little extra help from the universe to get me through it.

Sometimes our prayers are answered, not as the answer we want, but as the extra help to deal with the answer we need.

You get me?

I felt that same complete calm throughout the whole second phase of the Good Mood Blogger race. I couldn't get myself to feel stressed about it if I tried. I told my hub, it either means I'm going to win. Or I'm going to lose.

And If I lose . . .

Well, let me just quote Katy Perry's Firwork song:

Maybe the reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road

There's a perfect road for me. And for you, for that matter. I thought the SAM-e gig was my road, when actually it was just my door.

LY, peeps, for escorting me to my door!

Hugs and air kisses to all of you for your incredible support and encouragement during this whole ordeal. I'll not soon forget it.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. And Regift

I've been thinking about Christmas lately. Don't know why. But when I start thinking about Christmas I start thinking about gifts.  

Gifts are expensive. Especially when your son is helk-bent on getting an iTouch. You get me? All of his friends have an iTouch. He haves not an iTouch.

When I was a kid it was a stereo that I haved not. And a waterbed. But I weathered it. 

I bet it was hard for my mom to watch me weather it. 

Christmas can be really hard for the have nots. But it can be really great too. Those of you who have read my Sharing Christmas article in the New Era may think that was my favorite Christmas, but it wasn't my most memorable. My most memorable was the year all my brothers and sister wrapped up our favorite stuff and exchanged it.  My Rock Star brother Dan, gave me his favorite pair of Guess jeans--the pair I always borrowed with or without his permission. My apostate brother Stephen gave me his favorite red sweater--the one I always borrowed for or against his will. 

We were the original re-gifters, my famdamily. 

The cutest was my youngest brother Scott, who was maybe seven years old at the time. He went to 7-11 and bought us each something from the 10 cent damaged items table and wrapped each gift himself. I'll never, never, never forget how his eyes lit up when my mom opened her box of o.b. tampons. And how confused he became when we all busted a gut laughing out loud.  

I've been sitting here for hours trying to think of the perfect gift to re-give my hub. I finally decided on a book. The book I gave him last year. He hasn't read it yet so I don't think he'll mind.   

Jack Johnson would be proud, right?

I learned this regifting trick from his parents. They were known to grab toys from the closet, wrap them up and stick them under the tree for their kids.  In between the new socks and underwear.  

Not a bad strategy if you think about it. 

So my mom came over today and we made five magic blankets. And then we delivered three blankets to three little boys, Nik, Nate and Noah, who have a very sick daddy.  

You wanna see?

 I have a special place in my heart for little kids with sick daddies.  

Lulu came too because I thought it would be good for her to practice being a magic dog, but she was a very bad dog. BAD, BAD dog! I had to chase her around a life-sized nativity, through two yards, down 5 steps and over one electric fence. The magic is in there somewhere, I can see it, but she hasn't quite learned to channel it.  

(Okay, I added the electric fence for dramatic effect.)

The sick daddy's name is Clint Jepperson and he's been diagnosed with Leukemia. FYI, it's hard to support your family when you're sick. You feel cruddy. Plus being at the hospital is your full time job. I know this first hand, hence the favorite-things re-gift exchange. When my daddy was sick many kind people stepped up and helped out. Now Clint's friends and family are stepping up and helping out. They have started a Friends 4 Clint fund. 

You can click on that link if you're super rich and want to donate. Even if you're not super rich you can click on that link and donate. I haven't donated yet, but I will. And if I win that SAM-e job I will donate generously. 

What a cool thought.  

But fer reals, there must be someone out there right now who is just looking for somewhere to donate $$$ to something besides Friends of Scouting.

I received this email from Clint's wife, Amy, after we dropped off the blankets:

Thank you so much! The boys are loving the blankets. I haven't seen them that excited for a long time! It really is an amazing thing that you did for them. And they thought it was cool that twins gave them the blankets:) I really don't know what we ever did to deserve such kindness. 

Okay, can I just say something here? You don't need to do anything to deserve kindness. You just need to need kindness. That's all. It's simple. Three little boys with a sick daddy . . . 

Enuff said! 

So peeps, I'm about to have a John Mayer moment. I need to say what I need to say.  

I believe in Santa Claus, despite what the 6th grade teachers say. And I believe in magic too. And finally I believe in St. George.  

I'm off to St. George for a b-ball tourney.  This is the last post you'll see from me until I find out whether or not I'm the next Good Mood Blogger. 

So cross your fingers and hold your breath until I come back, okay?

P.S. Marie won the scrapbook pages. CONGRATS Marie!

P.S.S. Even though I won't be posting here for the next few dayz, I will be posting on my Magic Quilt blog TOMORROW! (Which is actually TODAY for you.) Kritta finished another quilt and I want you to see it. Plus I want to teach you to make magic blankets. Plus I want to tell you about some coupon commotion going on over at JoAnn Fabrics this week.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Randomicity (Please dont hold me responsible for this post. Its very very late. And I am sleep walking.)

I'm up late and I'm in a huff. You wanna know why?

None of your bizness, that's why!

(See what I mean? About me being all sassy pants)

When I get huffy I start vacuuming, and when I start vacuuming I start thinking--usually about how I should get huffy more often because I get so darn much done that way, especially when my thoughts begin with GRRRRrrrrrrr! and RaRrrrrrrrr!

What I hate is when my thoughts start getting all mushy and I start thinking things like, "Oh, goody, My Three Sons is on! I lub My Three Sons! Especially when Chip is eating cookies with his shirt unbottoned at the Lazy Susan table in the blue kitchen!"

Sometimes I catch myself in time to turn my thoughts back to something grumbly like, "Why doesn't anyone tell uncle Charlie how awful his bowl haircut is?" or "Is Mrs. Douglas really that dumb to go to to bed with all that blue eye shadow caked across her lids?"

Other times I start wondering about the deep mysteries of life, like does Mrs. Douglas ever get huffy with Mr. Douglas? Maybe when the cameras aren't rolling?

Which often leads to me wondering was I right or was my hub wrong?

Which often leads to me wondering why did Thriller play on the radio today? It's the middle of December for Pete's sake!

That kinda self-talk only gets me nowhere because honestly Thriller is one of those cross-cultural songs for all seasons.

And anyway, it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, even though I am and he is. The only thing that matters is lub. All you need is lub.

(Define lub again.)

Okay, it's very late and I dozed off in between the last three or four sentences, which means this is my first ever stream-of-conscience writing to date.

Since I'm already being random, allow me to just spill my thoughts. In no particular order.

This morning I found my son trying to reassemble the wise men. He was trying to put their heads and bodies back together. I think he's a healer, that one! Either that or he's the one who broke them.

Today I went to watch my twins sing with their 6th grade class. They sang that classic Christmas tune Santa, You're Too FAT! Is it just me or is that kinda rude? I hope Santa doesn't develop an eating disorder.

I found my box of checks today. Did you know they were missing? Well they were, along with my hammer and all of my other important papers. I have been searching high and low for my check books since I went to Colorada over a month ago. Guess where they were? They were in the wrapping paper bin under my bed. Of course!

Too bad I didn't start wrapping Christmas presents earlier.

There was an Office Marathon on TLC today. Which allowed me the opportunity to catch up on 12 loads of laundry. Some of them 8 weeks old.

Was that TMI?

And last night Nacho Libre was on! Which always reminds me, "My life is gooooooooood!"

I better go to bed and apologize for being little miss sassy pants!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Ancient Chinese Secrets (and fortunes) (and scrapbooks)

Today I ate Chinese again.  We all know what that means. It means I got another fortune cookie.

Anyone who is anyone knows that I am a firm believer in fortune cookies (especially with the added ending) and ancient Chinese secrets. 

The last time I ate Chinese--10 days ago--this was my fortune: 

I took it as a sign. 

This was my fortune today:


I think it's sweet how the ancient Chinese know each of us individually, so to show my appreciation and gratitude I decided to be obedient unto their will and write that letter.  I was going to write to Santa and tell him that I wanted a new job for Christmas, but I decided to go straight to the source:

Dear SAM-e Good Mood Blog Judges,

Mahalo in advance for your careful and thoughtful and deliberate and conscientious consideration to quite possibly, and very likely, award me the great honor of being your next Good Mood Blogger. As Gad as my witness, I pinky promise not to let you, or the world at large, down.  


P.S. Your honorable judges, instead of writing me back, would you mind slipping $1 into an envelope and sending it to Matthew Blanchard at 8444 Brody Marsh Ave/Las Vegas, NV/89143?  He is a very sick 12-year-old boy who needs a good mood something fierce. Today he received five envelopes containing $1 bills and it put a smile on his face. Tomorrow let's hope he receives ten envelopes! 

THANK YOU for your  help! 


And now for a few apologies: 

1. I posted Matthew Blanchard's house number without the 8 in an earlier post. DARNIT! It's 8444 Brody Marsh Ave. I'm thinking the mailman will be able to figure it out though because how many Blanchards live on Brody Marsh Ave? Thank goodness I did post the address correctly on Facebook and on my Magic Quilt blog. PHEW!   

2.  I made Dolly look like George W. when I posted her entry into my Why Would DEB-e Make the Best Good Mood Blogger contest. Her comment doesn't make sense out of context. It doesn't make sense in context either, (unless you know that Sean, the winner of my video contest, is her son and he followed us around for hours filming our every move). But anyways here's her comment in it's entirety: 

Dolly said... 

I got to see some of that footage and it was so funny!! I can't wait 'til he gets the video made so you can see how GREAT you look and SOUND in real life. In fact, I think I missed out on my directorial debut opportunity with TLC. I should have had my son filming you for the past two months while trying to win this contest. I could have pitched this mini series as the next hit reality show.

The pitch would have been: The Amazing Race-- From Crash Test Dummy to Good Mood Blogger. Tune in to find out if dummies really do have feelings.

If the Sam E judges can't see the obvious choice-- (material and writing that is so original and totally relates to the people who really need to be be in good moods)... then at least you would have become a celebrity on TLC and you would have gotten to do the vote for Debbie all over again on Dancing with the Stars!

You would make Bristol Palin look like a klutz. Oh wait, Bristol Palin already did that. : ) 

Okay, one last thing. Congratulations to Barbaloot for winning the cute visiting teaching message/giftie thingies. Barb, I'm going to be in your neck of the woods tomorrow. Where can I meet you? 

As for today's MAHALO-for-supporting-me-through-my-voting-ordeal giveaway, it's really coooool. If you're into scrapbooking. It was donated by my very talented sis-in-law, Jennifer, who is a scrapbooking wiz. She wants me to win so badly she has donated at least two dozen 12 x 12 one-of-a-kind ready made scrapbook pages and kits. 

If you would like to win this lovely, super expensive prize, just leave a comment telling me you sent a magic dollar to Matthew. (And don't take refuge in a lie.) That's one entry. If you blog or tweet or Facebook about the magic dollar drive then you get more entries.  

MAHALO to all and to all a good night!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Away in a manger . . .

It's a double post day. My contest winners and give-away post is right below so click here to read. (SAM-e judges you're gonna wanna click and read before you make your decision.)


Alot has happened since I last posted. I got new windows. Plus I paid all my bills, decked all my halls, did all my visiting teaching, and attended my first holiday family PaRtAy of the season.

And when I say PaRtAy, I mean PaRtAy!

Oh, and I hypnotized my Olive Garden waiter into giving me step-by-step instructions to make Zuppa Toscana soup.

The trick is cooking the sausage with red pepper flakes peeps! RED PEPPER FLAKES! Of course. And don't use chicken broth from a can. ICK! (That's what he said.) As for the bacon, Costco's Kirkland pre-cooked, pre-crumbled REAL bacon in the blue bag works best.

I also blew off a ward council meeting. On purpose. Meaning I did it willfully and knowingly. And when they asked me why I didn't attend I told them it was because I didn't want to attend. I told them that I wanted to go on a family walk instead. And then I told them that I had read somewhere that Sunday meetings were of the devil. (hee hee)

But fer reals, why is Sunday such a day of UNREST for us church goers? I thought . . . I mean . . . doesn't the Bible say . . .

It's one of them contradicting commandments, I s'pose.

I bet Sundays are a day of rest for family walkers.

Just sayin.

I accomplished a lot this weekend, but I haven't even started my Christmas shopping yet. I think I'm going to start with my own present since it's the most expensive--new tires for my car. (I know, my hub is a big spender. He's romantic like that, what can I say?)

Okay, raise your hand if you wanna see what happened to my nativity this year?

For some reason all of my wise men have suffered serious bodily dismemberment this year. I was going to glue them back together, but then I thought, why? This is a great metaphor for life. Wise men have always gotten the short end of the stick, don't you think? Look what happened to all the great thinkers like Socrates and Galileo! Voltaire and Rousseau! John Lock and Jack Handey!

All dead.

(Wait, Jack Handey isn't dead, is he?)

Well anyways, raise your hand if you wanna see my mom's nativity? It's the very exact same nativity I grew up looking at year after year after year and while pretendind to live in a Thomas Kincade painting. I hope my mom wills it to ME, ME, ME because it's the only thing I want.

Btw, my dad made the manger from scratch.

How sweet is that?

Losers are just winners in disguise (Contest winners, sponsers & another cute giveaway) (SAM-e judges, this is a good post for u 2 read) (just sayin)

I need to say a few words about winners and sponsers. Thank you thank you thank you to the awesome sponsers for my DEB-e for SAM-e video contest, Marty Haws from the I Won't Cheat Foundation (Injecting Ethics into America's Future), and my very good friend who wishes to remain unnamed so I'm calling her Lobstah Head. (And no, it ain't Lady Gaga.)

The winners of the video contest were Jim and Nan, with 106 votes and Sean with 99 votes. CONGRATULATIONS! They will each receive $100 cash for their efforts.

The losers will receive I Won't Cheat t-shirts because losers are just winners in disguise. (That's what I always say.)

Also thank you to the Minnesota Treatment Center (DON'T DO DRUGS! And if you do do drugs just STOP IT! NOW! (You're welcome for the pep talk)) for sponsoring my Why Would DEB-e Make the Best Good Mood Blogger? contest.

The winner of the contest and $30 cash is . . . drumroll, paleeaze . . .

Tonya, (T) from You Asked For It!

Cue the confetti and Balloons:

Here's is T's winning entry:

T said...
CTD is always the first blog link I click to check because it's a pick me up moment that starts my day right. Setbacks in life? Debbie finds a way to learn a lesson from them, and shares that lesson in a touching manner. Huge life changes? Debbie takes them in stride, looks for the positive and jumps in with both feet. And somehow--despite her enduring wisdom which from anyone else would make me feel like my IQ were in the single digits, her readers leave each day feeling uplifted and wiser themselves... Thank you Deb for being funny, for being thoughtful, and for being you - because you rock!


Braden said... (Braden nearly won with this entry, except he said he wasn't entering the contest, just appealing to the judges.)

Esteemed SAM-e Judges:Please accept this comment as my heartfelt and considered endorsement of Debbie to be the SAM-e Good Mood Blogger. Debbie should be the Good Mood Blogger because she is always in a Good Mood (at least on her blog which makes it perfect!). More than that, and I am now being completely serious, Debbie makes other people get in a good mood.Debbie is very funny, like make-me-laugh-out-loud funny. But she's a supportive and warm friend behind the humor. She cares deeply about people and has cultivated a wide group of friends from every walk of life and region of the country. Debbie is a good mood incarnate, and her good moods are highly contagious. I assure you that you will be glad you chose her.


Braden Bell (esteemed author extraordinaire!) (Okay, I added the esteemed author extraordinaire part.)

Dolly said . . .

If the Sam E judges can't see the obvious choice-- (material and writing that is so original and totally relates to the people who really need to be be in good moods)... then at least you would have become a celebrity on TLC and you would have gotten to do the vote for Debbie all over again on Dancing with the Stars!

Emily said . . .

She is good friends with Jack Johnson so he will probably do the soundtrack when you make SamE Good Mood the Movie.thank you

Anjeny said...
No one can spin a tale like Debbie...she can deliver a sad sob story in a way that by the time you're done reading her, you actually feel good. No one can make you laugh like Debbie can. So there ya go Crash!!

Sandi said...
You would most definitely be the BEST good mood blogger because even if YOU aren't in a good mood, you somehow make ME laugh. A LOT. If further proof is needed, you must be a good spokesperson for their product because I ACTUALLY BOUGHT SOME! Thats all.

Miss Shelby said...
Aunt Debbie would make the BEST Good Mood blogger. I have been reading her stuff for a while and love it--it's definitely entertaining. She's the happiest Aunt I have for sure--and the smartest. I love how she used to be an English teacher and we can have great disscussions about books together. Staying in Hawaii with her for three weeks was a blast and she has a happy home.

Emily said...
If I could see the world thorugh Debbie's clever, creative eyes every day, my life would be better. Enough said.

SWIRL said...
Debbie is hee-larious... and peeps come to visit because we all want to wear crash-test-dummie-rose colored glasses... or just crash/test/helmets.. if it meant we could be as funny and optimistic and hopeful and full of joy as Debbie is! She just gotsta win!

To express my gratitude for all of your support during the voting stage, I am going to be giving away little things on my blog all week, starting with the cutest thing evah! Visiting teaching message/gifties made with lub by my Laurel Advisor's sister, Brenda. This is such a great idea I can't believe no one else is doing this yet.

You know how you want to do your visiting teaching, but sometimes you put it off because you don't have anything to bring your sistahs? Well Brenda puts together these little message/gifties and sells them for only $3.75. This month they look like this:

I've been buying them for the past two months and it actually makes me excited to go out and do my visiting teaching.

Brenda has donated three of these message/gifties so if you haven't done your visiting teaching this month and you would like to win them just let me know in my comment box. And good news, if you don't win them you can pick some up at Lemea on 45 W. Main Street in American Fork, UT. (801) 492-0046.

(While you're there look for the Jozy's Jewelz collection. The collection is made and sold by another sister, Jozy.)

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Boom Boom Boom

Did I say I was taking the weekend off?

What I meant to say was that I don't take weekends off. I just write whatever I want, whenever I want. As it comes to me. Boom. Boom. Boom. Like that. And you would not believe how frequently it comes to me. (I have over 100 drafts in my draft box, all because my fingers can't keep up with my brain.)

(Freakish, I know.)

Today I have something I need to say, so I'm going to take John Mayer's advice and say it. To everyone. But mostly to all the teenagers out there.

About a year ago my daughter asked me if I could choose any age to be forever, what age would I choose.

"40," I said.

"But that was only two years ago!" she gasped.

I can't help it, I dig the forties. You know who you are in your forties, and you don't feel guilty about it.

If she had asked me what age I would chose NOT to be I would say 16. No, 17. No, 15. No, 18.

The teenage years are exciting. But they can be a drag too. High school ROCKS, but it kinda sucks too. You get me? I wouldn't go back to those feelings if you bribed me. Or black mailed me. Or offered me a big wig job as the SAM-e Good Mood Blogger. (Although I might consider that one carefully before I said NO WAY!)

My daughter is 16.

HOLD ON, my darling daughter. HOLD ON! It just gets better. And better.

But first it gets a little worse.

HOLD ON, all you teenagers. HOLD ON!

Especially all of you who have just lost your 2nd friend on the Kahuku football team to that heartbreaking S word that I HHHAAAATTTTEEEEE so passionately! That same heartbreaking S word that leaves friends and loved ones perplexed, stunned, and sweating their eyeballs out for years and years and years.

As Gad as my witness I'm going after that stinkin' S word if it's the last thing I do!!

(I ain't afraid of you, you stinkin' "S" word!)

If I could write music, this is the song I would write for my daughter and all of the other teenagers in their cocoon's trying to sprout their wings, while dealing with life's D words and S words.

I'm going to include the lyrics for those of you who get offended by Katy Perry:

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em goin "Oh, oh, oh!"

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Saturday, December 11, 2010

All Pow!

The race, I mean. It's done. 

Nailed shut.

Yellow button is. . . going, going, GONE! (As Jack Johnson would say.) 

I'm gonna take the weekend off (to put up Christmas and feed my family and clean my bathrooms and slip into a coma) but I'll be back Monday to announce winners and give prizes and praises. I even have a little MUCHOS MAHALO Giveaway planned.  

But for now I just wanna say . . .  

Wait, what did I wanna say again?  

Lost my train . . . Oh wells. 

Oh yea, so you know how the universe is always sending me signs? Like in the form of butterflies or rainbows or Jack Johnson wrapping his arms around me at soccer games? 

(You didn't think I'd let this race pass without throwing this photo in your face one. more. time. did you? Just in case the judges are watching I want them to think I run with the hip crowd.) 

BTW, judges, if you're watching, I saw Obama too. Coming out of the bathroom at Turtle Bay, back when he was still pop-U-lar. My camera was on self timer at the moment so it wasn't the BEST shot, but still, I knew him when.

I've also seen the top of Fergie's head. 

If you look closely at the viewfinder in front of me you can see it too. 

And here I am chasing Jim Halpert from The Office.

And this is Nick Jonas checking me out on Regis and Kelly. 

And look at me with the Double Decker Bus brochure guy in NYC. 

Where was I again? 

Keep losing my train . . . 

Oh, yea, so I think the Universe might be trying to send me signs about this contest. Or at least sending me winks. Not sure which, but last week I went out for Chinese and my fortune cookie read: 

"You will soon be awarded a great honor." 

My son thinks I'm getting a new church calling, but what's greater and more honorable than YW Prez? Fer reals!

Then today, after the contest was complete, I clicked on the finalist page to see how I ended up. My picture was at the very top of the page, in front of everyone. I wasn't leading in votes,  I was leading in proximity. I'm not there anymore, but for a split second I was at the tipy top. And I think I heard the other contestants chanting "You're number 1! Cuz number 2 won't do."   

Then I went grocery shopping and one thing I like to do to communicate with the Universe is flip through the radio stations in the car. It's like our thing. Me and the Universe. So I turned on the radio and blurted out, "First song I hear is a message from you!" 

It was Radio Head singing, I'm a Creep. I'm a weirdo. I wish I was special. 

I kid not. 

Sometimes the radio thing doesn't work right away, but if you keep flipping you'll usually get the message you want to hear. Like I eventually came across Madonna singing ,"Celebrate!" 

That's pretty straight forward, don't you think? 

Fingers crossed!  

Have a great weekend everyone! (And please keep that weirdo song thing on the down-low. k.)

Friday, December 10, 2010

My Last Wishes

Now that we've come to the end of the road, THANK GOODNESS GRACIOUS, I should say a few words in recollection. Something poignant about how four score and seven years ago I had a dream . . .

But nah!

I just gotta be me.

So in less than 24 hours the voting polls will be closed and I will be a regular ole' citizen again. HALLeLuJAH! (Did I spell that correctly? That looks weird.)

At the stroke of midnight it will all be over. I will turn back into a pumpkin and I will return to my castle tower where I will sit and wait.

I will wait and wait and wait. And wait. For 10 whole days. For my prince to come and ask me to try on the glass slipper.


It's been charmed. Fer reals. But you wanna know the real reason I did it all? Besides the fame and fortune and honor and glory and pop-U-larity, and all the free SAM-e products. And did I mention the fortune?

The magic quilt.

Oh, and world peace. I did it for world peace too.

But mostly for the magic quilt.

Was that sneaky? To use SAM-e to catapult me into super stardom so I can achieve world peace? Do the means justify the end?

It's just that the world needs more magic--and more quilts--in order to maintain world peace.

You get me?

My friend Dana recently gave me a quote that pretty much sums up how I feel about this project.

So I've got a fresh outlook. I'm taking the project in some new directions. There are so many people who are limping along, dealing with pain, sorrow, guilt, fear, loneliness, and we need more hands and more quilts to lift the burdens. Not to mention more stories. So I'm branching out. In several directions. But my first direction is fleece. Go check out my Magic Quilt Blog for deets.

Fleece is soft, and comforting, and best of all, forgiving, (especially if you buy the no pill fleece).

If you don't cut it straight, no worries, it forgives you. If you don't sew it straight, big deal, it forgives you. It makes allowances for your imperfections. That's where the magic of fleece comes from.

Forgiveness = magic. Make a note, peeps.

So the fleece is a different kind of magic than the group contribution kind where everyone is sewed together with love and unity, but we can still work together as one big, huge group to make bunches of blankets. Every single one of us knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who's in pain. And we can take it upon ourselves to ease it. Instantly. I made four today, all by myself. They are so stinkin' easy even my twelve year old whipped one up for his teacher (after he knitted two more hats for the homeless).

This is what I learned from the voting--if everyone does just a little bit, A WHOLE LOT gets done.

An object lesson is in order to really drive this point home, and I'm all about objectifying lessons then driving them home.

Here's the dealio. There's a sick 12-year-old boy in Las Vegas named Matthew Blanchard. (I myself have two 12-year-olds so I have a special crack in my stone cold heart for 12-year-olds.)

Another thing I learned from the voting is how delicate and fragile the human morale can be. How easy it is to knock someone down. And how easy it is to pick someone up.

If we all did something simple and small, could it snowball into something big and amazing?

Let's try it. Let's all slip a $1 dollar bill into an envelope and send it to Matthew for Christmas. I already sent mine today, but tomorrow I'm going to have each of my kids send one. I don't have much and you don't have much, but what if 1,000 people, who don't have much, send Matthew $1?

He'd have MUCH!

His address is:

Matthew Blanchard/8444 Brody Marsh Ave./Las Vegas, NV/ 89143

Who's in, raise your hand.

Let's look to it, peeps. And then tell all your other peeps too. And so on and so on and so on. Shout it from your blog tops and tweet it from your tree tops.

Those are my last wishes.

Oh wait, one more. Merry Christmas to all! And to all a good night.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

One more DEB-e for SAM-e video entry! (The one that made my skin itchy to film)

Hey, here's another DEB-e for SAM-e video entry sent in by an extremely talented teenager (Dolly's son):

7. Sean's Video

Seans got skillz.

*Disclaimer: No, we don't eat pizza for every meal (just every other), and no, my daughter and I don't wear the same jeans every day (just every other). And yes, we let Lulu sit on the furniture.

If you want to vote for Sean he's the third voting poll down on the left side bar.

Vote for ME too while you're at it. I'm on the right hand side bar. Just click that big ole' yellow button with my big ole' face on it.

If you want to view the other video entries click here.

(Less than two days left to vote!)

MAHALO SEAN! You da bombdiggity.

BTW, my post for the day is right below you so alls ya gotsta do it scroll. Kritta (Magic Quilt Kritta) is in the comment box if you want to say aloha.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

I hate to ruin your childhood, but . . .

That's what one of the 6th grade teachers said. To my twins. And their class. Of other 12-year-olds. Right before she said, "Santa Claus isn't real."

Allow me to rewind and reiterate: "I hate to ruin your childhood, but Santa Claus isn't real."

What the HUH? Santa Claus isn't real? (What kind of a teacher would lie to her students like that?)

Yea, that lie will bring your childhood to a screeching halt in a heartbeat. Not to mention your adulthood. Thanks teach. Now come 'ere so I can poke your eyes out.

(I haven't said that for a while, that felt good.)

Other things that can ruin your adulthood: Waving someone on at a stop sign--to go before you-- and having them shake their head back and forth like this, "NO! UH UH! It's YOUR turn not MINE. And I'm not going out of turn because I wait my turn. That's what I do. And I do NOT neeeeed anyone to do anything nice for me. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm self reliant--and sometimes I'm self righteous too--so GO GO GO, you dummy. Who do you think you are anyway, trying to let me go in front of you. Who died and made you king of anything."

As I passed her she was still shaking her head like this, "And don't try to smile at me at Walmart either."

This is not an isolated incident. This happens to me several times a week. And if I ever try to let someone go in front of me at the check out line, or if I ever offer someone something to eat, it's usually the same answer.

"No, I'm good."

Their lips say, "I'm good." But their eyes say, "And you're weird."

Am I a weirdie?

(That was a rhetorical question, btw, so DON'T answer.)

Okay, so my twins don't believe in Santa anymore, but they do believe in yarn. They have a firm testimony of the many uses of yarn--knitting, finger knitting, looming. Again I blame the 6th grade teachers.

Twin #2 recently finished his first hat for the homeless. And his second.

Would you like a looksee?

And the second?

It didn't fit anyone else so I gave it to Lulu. Along with the lei he finger knitted for the whole world.

Seriously, the whole world could wear this lei.

But Lulu wears it so well I think I'll just let her keep it.

You know what? I could go on and on and on tonight. I could just keep on writing and writing and writing. My whole heart, mind and soul are full to the brim with things I need to say that I can't even contain. I have things I need to say on my Dummies are People Too blog. Fer real things. And I have MANY things I need to say on my Magic Quilt blog. MANY, MANY things!

I don't even know where to start.

I guess I will just start by saying that as I come to the end of this two month race to win the Good Mood Blogger gig I want to give you all a HUGE hug.

Thankyouthankyouthankyou for all of your support and kindness.

It's been the best of times and the worst of times. I've never doubted myself so much in my life. Or believed in myself so much. Always when I got down someone would lift me back up--like the time I went to the BYU vs. BYU-H basketball game at the Marriott Center. I walked down to greet the Hawaii crowd and all I heard was a chorus of "I'm voting for you every day! I'm voting for you everyday."

One filipino boy ran up to me and told me his sister sent an email to everyone in the Philippines and now the whole country is voting for me.


The Philippines represent!

This morning I got a message from one of my old students, Bobby. It read:

Yo gangta!!! I vote for you every day from a remote mountain in Afghanistan... Hope you will win.



Afghanistan represents too!!!

(BTW, he calls me Yo home girl too. But never during class, pinky promise.)

And then I found this post on LPK's blog, and this post on Anjeny's blog.

I could tell you a hundred more stories of kindness and support that make me feel like Wayne and Garth on Wayne's World.


But thank you anyway.

And you know what? I still have a bunch of things to give-away that I haven't even given away. Maybe I'll dump it all on you at once. Tomorrow.

It's a date. Let's finish strong, huh? Go HARD or go HOME, huh? huh? huh?

Init 2 winit!

Only TWO more dayz to vote DEB-e for SAM-e