Thinking things through logically

My hub is on this crazy kick right now of thinking things through logically (except when it comes to raising chickens).

He keeps saying, "You know, if you really think things through logically, nothing makes any sense!"

This all started last weekend while spending time in St. George with his parents.

Not to be rude, but my MIL, bless her heart, is not a particularly logical person. I mean, she's fun, she's entertaining, she's a sweetheart, but sometimes she doesn't make a lot of sense.

Just sayin'.

Like, for example, when she does things like knock on our bedroom door at 8:30 a.m. to tell us not to worry about getting up yet because they are still sleeping.

"That doesn't make any sense, if you think about it logically?" My hub's eyeballs said to me.

During breakfast she tried to teach us how to stand so that our insides don't fall out. What you do is you cross one leg in front of the other--like you do when you have to go shi shi--and squeeze real hard.

"They say this keeps your innards from slipping out," she told us, while simultaneously demonstrating.

I won't repeat the specific innards they say will not slip out if you squeeze your legs together, but I will say that my hub looked his mom right in the eyeballs, like Eminem recommends, and said, "That doesn't make any sense! And you're grossing me out!!!!"

See my MIL believes everything they say. That's her problem. Especially if they have witnesses.

"It's the truth!" She declares. "There were witnesses."

There were always witnesses. Like the time one of her ventriloquist relatives was being attacked by an Indian. He threw his voice into the plants so it sounded like the plant was speaking, and by darn if that Indian didn't high tail it outta there.

"What did the plant say that frightened the Indian off so quickly?" I always ask sincerely, because honestly, I'm sincerely curious. I want to put myself in that Indian's moccasins and walk a mile with him. Back to his tribe. I want to see the whites of his eyes when he tells his buddies in the teepee, "You would not believe what this plant said to me today!!!"

But the witnesses didn't write that part down because it wasn't important to the story. The important part was that one man's mad skillz saved his scalp.

"That doesn't make any sense if you think about it logically!" said my hub at The Olive Garden in St. George, after his mom told that story.

But my hub has heard that story a million times. He even told that story in one of his primary talks. Why all of a sudden he's thinking things through logically about a talking plant is beyond me. If his mom says there were witnesses, there were witnesses. Even if they didn't write down the direct quotes.

There were witnesses in other stories we've heard before too. Like the one about little Sarah, who walked 5,000 miles across the plains, singing all the way. All of a sudden this does not make any sense to my hub logically, just because there are only 3, 492 miles from coast to coast, and no one in his family likes to sing.

(Except you, Miss Shelby!)

There were witnesses in the story about the ship that hit an iceberg too.

"Was it called The Titanic?" I always ask. But nope, this ship didn't sink, even though they found a hole the size of Vermont below deck. This ship was carrying two Mormon missionaries and the captain had never lost a ship that was carrying Mormon missionaries.

"Well how many ships did he lose that weren't carrying Mormon missionaries?" Asked my hub.

A seemingly logical question, but apparently there were no witnesses to that.