Every year or so I like to ground my kids. Just to keep them . . . well, grounded. Of course I always offer a get-out-of-jail-free card, tailor-made according to my kid's individual dislikes and weaknesses.
This past weekend was my oldest son's turn to get grounded, and I was positively intoxicated by all of the power I had over him. But with great power comes great responsibility so I thought long and hard about the most appropriate key to unlock his freedom. It had to be something rewarding, yet hideously terrifying. Which left me with only one option.
A book. I would make him read a book.
The Hunger Games.
Timely, right? And a sure bet.
Ya think?
Let's just say I wasn't too far off when I told him, "this is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you."
So hey, if any of you ever want to get grounded I can recommend a good book. You've probably already read Hunger Games so may I suggest Tell Me Who I Am--that little Mormony diddy I contributed to, along with more than a dozen other Mormony writers.
You might like it. It's kinda like The Hunger Games for Mormons . . .
Actually it's not. I lied to peak your interest. But that would be a funny book, huh? Maybe there could be a lottery and one Bishop and one Relief Society President from each state could be thrown into an arena together to fight to the death. They could try to kill each other with kindness. Or with meetings. Whoever survives all the meetings wins.
No wait! I got it. Throw a bunch of inactives into the arena and make the actives hunt them down and fellowship them.
I kid, peeps. I kid. The Hunger Games for Mormons would probably be a cookbook, full of recipes for green Jello and funeral potatoes.
But seriously, remember a few posts ago how I said Mormons are people too? Well Tell Me Who I Am proves it. When you turn the last page of the book you will know who we are.
We are people.
Not just peculiar people, regular people too. (Although, for the record, some are a little more regular than others. (Not including my MIL, who has to eat black licorice to stay regular.))
I got my shipment yesterday and now I'm giving away three copies of the book for absolutely FREE. That's absolutely FREE, and if you act within the next four minutes I will give it to you for even more free. Just leave your credit card number in my comment box and answer a few simple questions about your temple worthiness.
Unless you'd rather not pay for it. Or be worthy of it. In which case you can just have it.
Alls you have to do is, get this, tell me who I am.
No fer reals, tell me. I double dog dare you.
Who am I? Ready, go.
The top three answers will win a FREE copy. In the case of a tie, whoever can accurately guess how many posts I have in my draft box will be crowned victorious.
I can throw in autographs too, which, who knows, might be worth something on eBay one day.
WINNERS WILL BE ANNOUNCED WEDNESDAY, March 28th.
Or press this magic button:
P.S. If you don't want it free, you can order the book, minus the autographs, from Amazon
Or press this magic button:
18 comments:
Who are you? Besides a Crash Test Dummy? Hmmm... A Wife to the BBall Dude, Mother to the UnLike-Tennis-Playing-Bee-U-Ti-Ful-Young Women's Lovely Example and the Shorts-In-The-Winter BBall playin' boys, And Master But not Commander of Miss HonoLULU who eats socks, underwear and sleeps in your bed when you're at Church.
Daughter In Love of the Licorice eating-dried-flower-arrangements left over from 1979, Cabin-loving MIL. Granddaughter of Gigi, who holds many keys to your heart and past.
A writer, A Hawaiian-sand-lovin'-and missin' girl who found herself over there on those tiny islands and is trying to make sense of all of the Tests life throws at you...and we get to share the ride with you...buckled up and smilin' with you. That's who you are to me.
Awwww, you're makin' my eyeballs a little sweaty! HUGS. You really pay attention, girl. Although you forgot to mention about my eyeball being stuck on my plate. ha ha
Who are you?! Well duh!! You're my ex-neighbor, NOT your ex-next door neighbor, mind you, who's missing her rock dwelling friends so much that she will throw this book my way just for peeking in here and taking advantage of the fact that you miss us rock dwelling ex-neighbors, because we ALL know that your Hawaiian friends are THE coolest "peculiar" people in the world so therefore trumps all your "regular" big US of A friends(yeah, mainland dwellers, take a number and stand in line, the back of the line that is...LOL), right? You know I am!! If I have to describe you, this little comment box wouldn't fit all that make up who you are, in fact, it would take a book...wait a minute, you've already been described in a BOOK which brings me to why I'm here waving my hands, arms, feet, legs (yikes) frantically to get your attention. Yes, I want the book!! Pick me, pick me!! LOL
Hee Hee
You need to know that we have shared those song lyrics with everyone--even the missionaries! Like little ripples...lol
You are my soul sister because you love Zippy/Haven Kimmel as much as I do. Also, you are the mother of a girl who appreciates some good sideburns. So you must be doing something right there.
And you're someone who makes me laugh, so thanks for that.
Too hard. I already ordered the book anyway.
You're a lot of things but the one thing you are is the blogger who's blog I look forward to reading because I LLOL (Literally Laugh Out Loud) EVERY SINGLE TIME I read it. Now I like to make acronyms just like you. Plus, I really like that I knew you before you moved to YOOTAH and experienced seasons.
You, my friend, ROCK and party like it's 1999 all the time! :)
Ooooh, oooh, oooh, I like this game. Carol, whodda thought back in the 16th ward daze, you'd be reading me as a Crash Test Dummy. Mahalo, my friend.
I think Old Boat Guy is in the lead. Hee hee sums up who I am pretty succinctly. ;) Or were you laughing at my Hunger Games for Mormons jokes?
Brittany, high five soul sistah.
Anjeny!!!!!! So good to see you. HUGS. Miss you much.
Martha, HA! You make me laugh.
Momza, it's funny how something as simple as getting your eyeballs stuck on your plate can have that ripple effect. ;)
Who are you?
You're the person who makes my brain bounch around like a ping pong ball when I read her delicious posts.
Oh. My. Word. This one got a full, head-thrown-back, mouth wide open, CACKLE out of me! That Mormon Hunger Games idea...I can't even type because I'm still laughing. I don't need to enter the contest (thought I'd mention that, in case the competition thought it was rigged) but who you are to me is someone I couldn't be who I am without. I know, the grammar's a little rough. But the sentiment's there. xoxo
Aw, saWeeet. Thanks DeNae and Garden.
And I am SOOOO glad someone laughed at the Hunger Games jokes. Ha ha ha I think throwing inactives into the arena to be hunted down and fellowshipped is the best joke I've ever written. DeNae, yesterday while I was taking a bath I did the exact same thing--threw my head back and LOL'd just thinking about that joke. hee hee hee Anyone who has been to years of ward council meetings will understand.
I think of you as a crazy college professor, busy relief society president, mother of busy children with a hectic life in laid back Hawaii, who took time to bake and deliver some yummy and very cute cupcakes to a girl you'd never met for a mom you still have never met. seriously, I won't ever forget that you did that for me. dabomb.com, thats who you are :)
You are a daughter of God, a Wife, Mother, daughter, sister. You have an amazing sense of humor as witnessed on this blog, and you got to live in Hawaii for a while like me.
To me, you're a mom, wife, and daughter. You've got twin boys, which we have in common, so I like to check in and see how my future might look (except I prob'ly won't be lucky enough to live in Hawaii). I think you do your best to be the best you you can be.
and I like reading your blog.
Awwwwwwwwwww! There is something in each of your words which gives me a twinge.
You are a writer!
It's only official now.
I'm buying it.
I'm positively giddy over the idea of Hunger Games for Mormons. Could you please elaborate a little more on that? Because I know you have it in you, and I think it would be awesome.
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