Rainbows and Butterflies ( . . . and flies)

I'm trying to clean out my draft box so I think I'm going to post the action shots of my MIL swatting flies today.

It's not because I miss my MIL. It's because I miss poking my MIL in the eye. I miss being a wolf in sheep's clothing and cooing softly in her ear, "Oh my, what big eyes you have."

And then pouncing on her with my camera and my evil-mad-scientist cackle, "The better to poke you with my dear!"

I do kinda miss the good ole days when they were here--especially the good old days when they were here yet they weren't here, (if you catch my drift). I'm talking about the days when they moved out and stayed in an enchanted beach house full of rainbows and butterflies.

I'm not over-exaggerating, peeps. This was their view of them.

My hub and I would go to the enchanted beach house every day for lunch just to sit and watch the waves hula dance and the butterflies hula prance under the rainbows until we were sufficiently mesmorized.

Once we were under (the spell), my MIL would begin spinning stories over Subway sandwiches about their latest encounters with the rainbows and the butterfies.

I had no idea rainbows came in so many shapes and sizes--double wide load, extra thick and creamy, crisp and clean w/no caffeine.

One time my ILs were walking on the beach and they followed the rainbow all the way to the end. They actually found the end of the rainbow. And guess what was waiting there for them?

Nothing. NO pot of gold.

It was just them (and a girl in a bikini with the tighest abs they'd ever seen). The rainbow stopped right at their feet.

"WE are the pot of gold!" My MIL exclaimed.

I almost choked on my cold cut combo when she broke the news.

There was only one problem with their charmed life.

The flies.

They say there is a fly in every ointment, and their ointment was no exception.

In fact, the only thing I ever saw them fist fight over was who who moved the fly swatter.

Honest to pete, they would get rough and tumble over it.

But I have to hand it to my MIL for how feircely protective she is of her husband. If a fly landed on him my MIL would grab that fly swatter and whack-a-mole the living life right out of it/him.

Do you want to see what it looked like?

First you must imagine this window sil as my FIL's face.

Scroll through that again at super-sonic speed.

Now scroll through it at super-sonic-speed while listening to track 49, Point of Extinction.

Now drink a Code Red Mountain Dew, then scroll through it again at super-sonic-speed while listening to track 49.

Trippy, huh!?

P.S. check out The Magic Quilt for the latest entry. All this magic is making me excited! And I do nice things when I'm excited so keep sending your entries.

Bad Mommy

Can I just add one thing to the list of things a good mother should never do?

A good mother should never blow off a last-minute, optional, lunch-on-the-lawn at the elementary school because even though she told her son she wouldn't be there her son might be permanently damaged and come home with a scowl tatooed to his face because he was the only motherless child eating lunch on the lawn.

I couldn't cheer him up so I asked his siblings if they would please help.

"Don't feel bad," said my twelve year old. "Once I wrote a poem for mom for valentines day. Everyone in my class read their poems out loud to their moms, but mom wasn't there!"

"In fact, she was the ONLY mom not there. I know how you feel."

"Don't feel bad," said my daughter. "Mom wasn't there for my 6th grade graduation when I won Top Scholar and Super Citizen of the year! I know how you feel."


Uhhh, not exactly the cheering up I had in mind. I was thinking more along the lines of tickling.


(BTW, I WAS OUT OF THE COUNTRY!)

Thought for the day: It mattereth not how many things you do right, the things that stick to memory are the things you do wrong.


A good mother should know how to buy her child's love and forgiveness. It's only costs $16.51 at the local candy store.




P.S. Brain still clogged. Attention Deficit Domestic Disorder post coming tomorrow!