Monday, December 12, 2011

Cookie Cutter Wisdom

A few months ago, while video taping my nephew's reception, I noticed that people give the worst marital advice at weddings.

I like to call it, the 11th commandment: Thou shalt never go to bed angry.

Who thought of that anyway? Some sweet little single lady in Japan?

Everyone knows Asian people don't go to bed angry! They have no reason to, because their food is so deliriously delicious. If Americans got to eat Asian food every day, we'd never go to bed angry either.

Am I right? Or am I right?

The thing about Asian food is that it doesn't just taste delicious in your mouth as you're chewing and swallowing, it's yummy in your tummy too. For hours afterwards. Ever noticed how the satisfaction lingers on and on and on? Especially after you eat Korean Bulgogi. Mmmmmm. From Sam Hawks in Provo. Mmmmmm. Mmmmmm. Mmmmmm.

It's a quintessential What-about-Bob experience.

There would seriously be peace on earth if everyone on the planet could eat Korean Bulgogi before they go to bed each night.

And it would solve the world hunger problem too.

I wonder if that sweet little single lady in Japan had any idea how many people would tell two friends not to go to bed angry. And they'd tell two friends. And they'd tell two friends. And so on and so on and so on, until the whole world was laying in bed at 3 a.m., refusing to close their eyes until they were no longer breathing fire through their nostrils.

I figured out the trick to not going to bed angry years ago. It's called sleep! Not a whole night's sleep, just a 6-8 hour cat-nap, until the sun comes up and I feel rational again.

Works like a charm.

Never go to bed angry is what I call cookie cutter wisdom--a one-size-fits-all piece of advice, which works well if you're the right shape and size. Or the right age. Age four, for instance. Or size four. All advice fits perfectly at age four. Or size four. But as your brain starts to age and put on a few lbs., cookie cutter wisdom starts constricting your blood flow.

I'm not saying it's impossible to squeeze yourself into cookie cutter wisdom after you've grown out of it. With a little creativity and a lot of deep thought you can fit the mold forever.

Take for instance, the popular adage, If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. The deep thinkers of the world have figured out that it's not rude to be rude, as long as you preface it with "Not to be rude."

And then suffix it with "Just sayin'" or "Bless her heart."

They also know that an apple a day does keep the doctor away. If you're throwing it at his head.

What I'm trying to say is for Pete's sake, go to bed angry if you must!

And say something rude while you're at it. Maybe as you're throwing an apple at your doc's head, (which works particularly well if your doc is also your hub.)

Bless his heart, he rocks my socks, (even though he doesn't match them correctly).

Just sayin'.



Stephen said...

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. ~Katherine Hepburn

Yet another enjoyable post!

Vern said...

Can't tell you how much I agree with you on this! I guess I just did.

Mary said...

I love this post.

Garden of Egan said...

I have to agree. I have gone to bed angry many nights.
I always feel like talking after a dozen or so hours of sleep. Sometimes husband are less dumb after some rest. Am I right or am I right?

Hope you are having a great week.

Sandi said...

Interesting. My niece just married this week and they had little pieces of paper to write advice on and then they hung it on this cute little doodad so everyone could see. Lets just say that "never go to bed angry" is wayyyyyyyy better than some of that advice from the youngsters in attendance that I had to edit. ha ha.

Sandi said... the way, is it just my computer being weird or did the blogs on your sidebar disappear?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

You scared me, Sandi. So I came to check it out, and they are gone! Poof! But I didn't do it, so I know they'll be back.

I'm dying to know what marriage advice the young people give these days. Or not. ha ha

What do they know anyway. ha ha

How's your grandbaby?

Sandi said...

ohhhh you don't wanna bring up the grandbaby, you will never hear the end of how hopelessly in love I am. so we just wont go there. I am glad you didn't do away with those blogs cuz I like to browse them now and again you know. The marriage advice was so naughty. Man I felt the like the church-lady with my censoring ha ha. somebody had to do it!

DeNae said...

The worst fights I have with my husband happen when we're tired and insane. Definitely. Go to bed angry. One thing we've learned to say is, "We need to sleep on this." And both of us are thinking, "Because when you wake up you'll realize what a complete JERK you're being." But we don't say that part. And yeah, get my blog back up on your sidebar, missy!

IWA (e - va) said...

Aww, <3 this post! I totally remember after our first argument, the hub kept saying, we need to talk about this because my father said we can't go to sleep angry. So I told him, "call your father, tell him what you did wrong, ask him how to fix it, and ill talk it out with you!" Needless to say that he quickly accepted the fact that he was sleeping on the couch that that night!

Merry Christmas crash!