I haven't posted forever, and it's not because I haven't written anything. I've written four or five things, I just haven't finished them. Heck even the ones I have finished I haven't posted.
I don't know why.
I think it's because I'm busy. And sad. But mostly busy. And sad.
I can't talk about the things that make me sad though because if I did then some people would feel bad and other people would feel happy.
Do you ever get that feeling? Huh? That there are a few people who are secretly happy when you're sad? And secretly sad when you're happy? Ain't it the darndest feeling? Maybe that's why so many people pretend to be happy. Maybe they don't want to give anyone the satisfaction of knowing they're sad.
Adam Lambert was right. It's a mad world. A mad mad world. It's a sad world too.
A sad sad world.
Why does the world have to be so sad? I don't know what to do about all the sadness so sometimes I just do nothing. Besides curl up on the couch and watch Cake Boss. I don't even like Cake Boss, that's how mad the world of sadness is.
Same goes for photographic evidence. When I take my camera anywhere I feel this sense of responsibility to capture all the beauty and wonder around me. Or all the magical expressions on people's faces that you notice when you have a camera in your hand. But it's funny how when you focus on capturing a little bit of the magic, you begin to notice how much of it you're missing, and it pert near drives you batty.
You get me?
For every great shot I get of my kids playing sports, I see a hundred other great shots that I've missed, you know.
When I leave my camera at home I can just enjoy the greatness. Either that or ignore it.
But for some reason it's harder to enjoy the sadness. Or ignore it. And once sadness has your full attention you notice how much sadness you're missing. Sadness everywhere is just slipping through your fingers like water through a net, and all you can do is let is slide.
Like yesterday my daughter came home from school and told me that one of her friends was having a lump removed from her neck.
"It's probably nothing," I said because I could tell she was worried. And also because I meant it. I knew the mom, after all. Those things are usually nothing if I know the mom. But five minutes later my daughter got a text and it turns out her friend has cancer.
How is that possible? She's a cheerleader. Cheerleaders don't get cancer in five minutes. Especially if I know the mom.
She's not the only person I know who has cancer right now either. That's what kills me. It's like take that one sadness and multiply it by a billion. Then add all the other sadnesses of the people you know, that don't even start with C, and round it off. Then square root it, to the tenth power, and solve for X and Y and Z. That's a pretty complicated equation. And that's just the people you know.
Then take me, who hasn't got a clue about math. I can't solve nothin'.
Fer reals, my GRE scores proved I couldn't even get into Harvard Elementary School.
But if anyone ever needs someone to curl up on the coach and watch Cake Boss . . .