Sunday, March 31, 2013

Students! Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em

Q: How can you tell when your students have found your blog?

A: When they start referring to themselves as peeps and leaving notes on your desk signed LY!

Oh, and when they ask you to tell the class about the time you went to the Jr. High to pick up your twins . . .

So, yeah, cat's out of the bag, which, unfortunately means I'll be cracking less jokes around here, and giving more assignments.

In fact, please take out your text book right now and turn to page 323. Read the first section and then write an analysis, beginning with a thesis on the dangers of reading your teacher's private diary, and ending with a list of the first 16 presidents--names, dates and noteworthy accomplishments, please. 

And no, you can't go to your locker and get your book, because SERIOUSLY? 



BRING YOUR BOOK TO CLASS, peeps! Unless you enjoy watching my head spin around and my eyeballs pop out of my head.


One of my students suggested I write about my classes on this blog. 

"Oh, good idea," I said. "Super idea. Best idea ever."

Dear Diary,

There are no students named Wolfgang in my classes, and none of them sparkle like vampires or think we should push Jean Val Jean down the stairs, but we are not completely devoid of excitement in Happy Valley. Just this week we went through two boxes of Kleenex instead of one. And in a single day 16 students came unprepared to read their Huck Finn journals, and I caught five students studying calculus during class, nine students on their cell phones, and one student simultaneously playing his Gameboy and reading The Top 700 Things You Can Do to Annoy Your Teacher.

Not to mention the German exchange students with their heads on their desks, or the student making tangelo peel art in the corner.

You might think I would be discouraged by this, but think again. I get it. My own son has told me how much more he learns at school if he is playing Tetrus, so, except for the student who wrote on my teacher evaluations, "This class is boring!" I'm pretty sure I will be nominated for best teacher on the face of the earth.

(For the record, that student was probably absent on the day I did my famous people power point presentation.)

And this is the bathroom that Obama used at Turtle Bay. 

And this is the top of Fergie's head in the viewfinder in front of me.

And this is Jim Halpert from The Office as I race toward him entering Regis and Kelly.

And this is Nick Jonas checking me out.

And this is me in NYC with the Double Decker Brochure guy. 

My class, boring? Come again?  

Say that to my face!  

I think the biggest difference between high school students and college students is in the amount of Kleenex used and questions asked. Teenagers, as you know, are full of questions, particularly rhetorical questions where no answer is expected, because the question itself is asked to make a point. 

Sometimes the questions begin even before I finish my instruction. 

"Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?" 

"Can I go fill up my water bottle?" 
"Can I go get another box of Kleenex from the office?" 
"Will this be on the test?"
"Can I text my mom to check me out?"
"Can I write my whole paper in hashtags?" 
"Should I get my hair cut?" 
"Have you seen the gallon smashing video on YouTube?"
"Can we watch Duck Dynasty now?"

By this time the kid making tangelo peel art is usually taking "selfies" with my cell phone, or drawing stop motion animation on my sticky note pads. 

What can I say, I'm inspiring. 

But now it's Spring Break, which means I am down south on vacation, which means the only rhetorical questions I am not expected to answer are the ones from my twins about when  we are going shopping for a new pair of basketball shoes, and my MIL about when we are going to eat Chuck-a-Rama. 

In some warped and twisted place deep inside, this almost makes me miss my . . .

Ah students! Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. 



Amanda said...

Love it and love you ;)
I'm surprised Jack Johnson didn't make it into your famous pics roundup.

IWA (e - va) said...

Im so glad Im jumped on today... You.ARE.HILARIOUS! I totally needed to laugh too!

First off ... 2nd! WOOHOOoooo!

I introduced Kid 2 to Naco Libre a month ago and at random moments she walks into my classroom throughout the day and sings, Encarnacion.. Oh how she would love you as her teacher so much more....

Oh I know how much you like your Anonymity... So have your students found you on FB and requested your friendship? ....

The pick up twins at the wrong school thingy was HIlarious....

Yay for Dream Homes! (and new wards) Pls Post pics...

Guess what Im in Primary too! . One sunday I was skipping Sunday school and sitting out on the couches gossiping with Alvina and I told Alvina, "THe worst calling in the church is Primary!" ( I was having issues with dealing with an antsy 4 yrs old during sacrament and all I could think was I didnt want to have to deal with it for another two hours!) And Then I was released from YW and called the next week to Primary! (I swear the Walls have ears in hawaii! LOL!)

Enjoy those 5 yr olds.. Im finding out that candy, fishes, and animal crackers work wonders! Haha!

Becca said...

Viva la Spring Break. Ready to go back to high school and take no prisoners?

Haley Monson said...

Sorry! You're just so cool. Your sassy pants teenagers admire you! Hope you had the most lovely spring break. Can't wait to tell you about all of my sassy pants adventures.
P.S.-We can't live without you, either.
See you tomorrow.

robin said...

You are so brave to be teaching teenagers. My oldest is a teenager now and he has me laughing with his sense of humor but I am gritting my teeth at the thought of my nine-year-old becoming a teenager. He is already giving me a run for my money now. Serenity now!

Garden of Egan said...

You are so stinkin' famous! That back of Fergie's head? WHAT?
Those silly teenagers have no idea how totally cool and awesome you are.

However, the picture of the bathroom that Obama used......really?
Presidents don't use the bathroom do they?

Leslie said...

This is AWESOME!!!!

Braden said...

Ah, we must talk. My students discovered my blog and my Facebook author page. This has given me all kinds of ways to mess with their minds I mean to inspire and motivate them in at least many times and places outside of school.