Saturday, October 4, 2008

Not to be rude, but sometimes God has a strange sense of humor

They say great minds think alike, but I never realized how annoying that can be until recently.

My middle child/son/7th grader and I are practically twins. We both cough uncontrollably when we eat mango salsa. We both walk around the house with Kleenex stuffed up our nose when we have a cold. We both wonder if Santa Claus is related to Jesus and if Pokemon can beat up Satan? His jokes crack me up, my jokes crack him up . . . well, his jokes crack me up anyway.

We're almost like two peas in a pod.

But he's really starting to get on my nerves.

He's just way so meticulous about his school work . . . for his age . . . and his gender.

I mean, dude, go get yourself an obsession or pick up a bad habit, (besides asking me how to spell cellulose and infrastructure).

Earlier this week I called home from Costco. He picked up.

"How was school today?" I asked.

"Mom, how do you spell apparatus?"

5 minutes later he called back.

"Mom, how do you spell penetrable?"

"p-a-i-n-t-b-a-l-l," I replied.

(That was one of my jokes that didn't crack him up.)

"Son, don't you want to go shoot air-soft guns with your friends or something?"

I got the same pre-fab answer I always get: "Hello! Got HOMEWORK!"

It's really the editing that's killing me. You know things are bad when your son is editing your editing.

I've been on this planet for 41 years and 11 years of that have been dedicated to teaching students how to edit.

But what do I know?

One thing I do know is I've never had a student learn as quickly and precisely and irksomely (not a word, I know, he told me) as my own 7th grader.

This week it's been his science project outline. This is the third morning he re-printed that blasted outline. After the first edit he asked me if I would take a looksie over it. I did and I added 3 or 4 words to clarify why he was testing the myth that phosphoric acid in Coke would eat through a nail in 4 days. The next morning he rolled out of bed and didn't even open his eyes before he opened his mouth.

"No mom, you can't put a conclusion in an outline." And then he proceded to change it back and print it again.

"Uhhhhh . . . do you know who I am?" I said.

So the next edit I looked over reluctantly. He was sitting on the couch within view of the computer, but he was reading a book. He glanced up casually and said, "No mom, not to, it's with."


"It say's there are a lot of different theories that say what Coke can do to phosphoric acid, but it should say with phosphoric acid."

Good grief! He changed a preposition from 4 feet away and . . . gulp . . . he was right?

Last night he had to pay me $1 to glance over the paper one last time and I waited until he was in bed before I even opened the file. As soon as my fingers touched the keyboard I heard a cry from his bedroom.

"No mom! That's dangling the participles!"

Is it bad that I wanted to scratch his eagle eyes out?

(Or did I already use that closing line?)

Okay, we'll go with this one:

Not to be rude, but sometimes God has a strange sense of humor.


Jami said...

Yeah, freakishly smart monkeys! My almost 14-year old is going hog wild over Einstein's Relativity! I'm running away screaming, "AHHH! PHYSICS!" and he laughs his maniacal laugh.

So yours has grammar issues? Detests fragments? How does he feel about comma splices, I can't stand them. Wants to swat people who just don't even realize that to carelessly split an infinitive is just bad writing. And even worser are them who think that a preposition is ok to end your sentence with. Sheesh!

Funny Farmer said...

LOL @ Jami!

I think you are undercharging him for your editing services. Why does he want your help if he's just going to change it back? That is too funny!

I became an idiot when my son went to kindergarten. He's 11 now, and his favorite hobby is thinking up questions that stump me. My default answer these days is, "I don't know; go ask your dad."

Is it just boys that think they're smarter than their mothers, or do girls just keep it to themselves?

Funny Farmer said...

OH! And "p-a-i-n-t-b-a-l-l"


*MARY* said...

Wow, he knows words I can't even pronounce in my head.

Kristina P. said...

I saw your comment on Mary's blog, and I loved your name so much, I had to come over.

Too bad I'm too late for the $1,000 drawing. I could have used that. Congratulations to you for winning. I wish I had won my own giveaway.