Wednesday, April 18, 2012

American Promises (in bed)

My daughter gets more love notes than any person I've given birth to. And not just from prince charming's who ask her to Prom, but from friends and neighbors and leaders and cousins too.

Someone is always dropping off brownies or cookies or candy or rainbow roses. Last night she got a necklace made from a Hawaii quarter with the word BEAUTY stamped across it, and a Mustache Mug full of Dove chocolates.

"These are American fortune cookies," I squealed.

"Technically they're chocolate promises," said my daughter.

"Tomato, tomahto," I said as we unwrapped each piece of chocolate, read our promises, then added the secret ending (in bed).

Can I just tell you that American promises are much more on point than Chinese fortunes. It's almost like Americans write their promises with the secret (in bed) ending in mind. Take my first promise for instance: "Get a good nights sleep (in bed)." I mean, how much more spot on can an American chocolate fortune teller be?

Check this one out:

Americans really get that a good day's sleep is as valuable as a good night's sleep.

My daughter's fortune said, "Too much of a good thing is wonderful (in bed)."

"True that!" I said. "You can never get too much sleep in bed. It's next to impossible."

"Unless you start worrying about all the things that happen while you are sleeping," my daughter added.

"Touche," I said.

My next fortune said, "There are no limits today (in bed)." I took that as permission granted to sleep in as long as I wanted today, and I didn't roll (out of bed) until 5:45 a.m.

There was only one promise that didn't work with the secret ending, although it could work if you had a water bed. "Create your own spa (in bed)."

"I wonder why Americans are so fixated on relaxing and sleeping?" I mused to my daughter.

"Sick and tired, I guess," she shrugged.

After we finished reading all the promises, we re-wrapped each piece of chocolate and returned it to the mustache mug. Then my daughter opened the note that came with the mug:

"I mustache you something. How come you're so amazing?"

I was kinda glad that wasn't an American promise.



2busy said...

Try adding "in the bathroom" to the end of hymn titles.

Check it out how it is played....

Garden of Egan said...

I'm off to buy me some Dove promises. I need some new promises in bed.
Love the mugs! Too cute.

I love that she gets notes from all over the universe.

DeNae said...

I'm sorry, but I must protest this post, the pictures, and in fact your entire blog. You are not representing ... um ... promises in the best possible light. Who on earth would eat chocolate (in bed)? Or read your blog (in bed)? Or sleep until 5:45 (in bed)??

I'm going to write a letter (in bed) to whoever is in charge of this website (in bed) and they'd better have some answers for me or I'll come back and make an even bigger scene... on your blog.

Garden of Egan said...

Hopefully just on her blog.........

........not in her bed.

Pat said...

OK I spit my drink out at the last line of this post. Oh mylanta that was funny. Thanks for the smile. I love it.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha ha 2busy. I've never heard that one. How will I ever sit in Sac meeting again without being sac.

Pat!!! I'm so happy to see you here spitting mylanta out of your nose again. hee hee

DeNae, ha ha Just make sure the letter you write (in bed) is anonymous. ;) In fact any promises you make (in bed) should be anonymous.

hee hee

Garden, ha ha you crack me up.

I am LoW said...

(referring to your prom post)

So my daughter didn't get asked to prom. wah-wah-wah.

Why? She's purdy and everyone loved her.

I will have 3 graduated from high school and not a prom yet.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Awwwww, LoW! I'm sure it has nothing to do with your daughter. It's a Southern thing. Maybe they don't value Prom in the south.

BTW, when I first read your comment I thought it said (referring to your porn post) and my heart skipped a beat because I know how delicate your sensibilities are and I was afeared I had offended.

I am LoW said...

Oh, haha!! You don't have a porn post, do you ??? :)

Prom is huge here. Def not that.

But she's cool with it all. I am the only one with issues about it.

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