Saturday, April 14, 2012

While You Were Sleeping

Have you ever wondered about all of the things that happen while you are sleeping?

You could be curled up in your bed counting sheep at the exact moment your sister starts throwing up blood. She's rushing to the emergency room, writhing in pain, losing consciousness, receiving blood transfusions, while you're just breathing deeply.

Other things could happen too. You're brother could get divorced, your neighbor could die of cancer, your mom could move into her dream trailer park.

Sometimes it makes my head spin just thinking about all of the things people are doing while I am sleeping. That's not including all the things I am doing while you are sleeping, especially when I'm striving. Striving and striving and striving, insomuch that I have become a stiff-necked people. Literally. Because my striving is your sitting and staring.

Imagine sitting and staring for 10-12 hours a day, with occasional breaks for a hot bath and a Sunrise Serenade. (That's yoga speak, for dummies.)

That is my striving.

My world has become so small. So infinitely small. This must be what Olympic athletes feel like, if Olympic athletes sat and stared all day. It's just as hard on the body is what I'm finding, and yet not as attractive on the body, is what I'm also finding.

But sitting and staring pays off if you stick with it. I'm happy to report that I'm more than halfway through my third draft of my memoir/diary. Or should I say memoirs/diaries, because there are multiples. Maybe even a series of them, depending on how many more darlings I kill. (That's writer speak, for dummies.)

Oh, and there's also a guidebook, Crash Test Dummies for Dummies. And a pamphlet for the young people--For the Warmth of Youth, about appropriate winter wear.

And Vern, I'm working on that Hunger Games for Mormons Parody. Stay tuned.

Striving has revealed one thing about myself that I was only vaguely aware of: I enjoy re-writing WAY WAY WAY more than I enjoy writing.

Blank pages make me itchy.

Please forgive me if you've emailed or called or texted or Facebooked or dropped a plant off on my doorstep, and I have not yet responded. Also, forgive me if I have not offered to babysit your children or cook your dinner. I am in a state of temporary striving, with a capital TEMPORARY.

I pinky promise I'll babysit and cook for you after the fifth draft. And maybe I'll remove my Christmas decorations from my window box after the fourth draft.

Most importantly, forgive me for not posting the winners of my Tell Me Who I Am contest.

Drumroll, please . . .

1st place goes to MOMZA because she made me see that it really is our stories that tell us who we are. She has listened to all of my stories and she's got me down to a nutshell--if that's even possible, because like I always say, we don't live in a nutshell now, do we. Although I am kinda living in a nutshell right now. An infinitely small nutshell.

The only thing Momza forgot to mention about me is how my eyeballs get stuck on my plate. (I would link to that post if I wasn't so busy striving.)

2nd place goes to CAROL YUEN because she really tugged at my Hawaiian heartstrings, and stroked my ego at the same time.

3rd place goes to SANDI because she told me who I used to be, (now I'm just somebody that she used to know) and that I hope to be again. One day. After I finish striving and move into a bigger nutshell.

Congrats girls, I've got autographed copies of Tell Me Who I Am ready to send--even got DeNae Handy and Jana Parkin to sign them so they may be in the Smithsonian someday.

And bonus, I've got free autographed copies for my honorable mentions too: Brittany, Garden, 2Busy, Scooby and Jon, and Anjeny (because Anjeny proved to me that she takes her blog title, Ramblings of and Islander seriously. I'm telling you, that's who she is.)

And Mariko, I will throw one in for you too, even though you already bought one, because honestly I loved your concision:"You're a writer." In a nutshell, you're right. Almost. If you had said "You're a re-writer" you would have been a shoe-in for first place.

Tell Me Who I Am is getting great reviews, btw, and will be available for upload on Kindle soon. Also there will be a Mother's Day promotion beginning April 23rd and I think chocolates may be involved.

Stay tuned.


P.S. If you won, email me your address and I will send you your prize. After I finish my 6th draft.

J/K peeps. I need a break from my striving anyway.


Momza said...

WooHoo! I am so excited to have won! Thank you, Sistah Crash.
I will frame the autographed pages once I am through the book so as to preserve them for all posterity.
Keep On Strivin'.

DeNae / SHP said...

You got me again. For the Warmth of Youth? Seriously? I'm laughing my guts clean out!

And yes, as of yesterday afternoon, the inclusion of chocolates in our Mother's Day promotion has been confirmed! Gentlemen, we have TRUFFLES!!

Sandi said...

I was going to say woohoo! but since Momza already said that I will say yeehaw! instead. I am a little bit of a hick so that might be more fitting anyway. I AM SO EXCITED!! I know I am going to l.o.v.e. this book. I can't wait to get my prize! p.s. I loved your Mariko comment..too funny.

Sandi said...

um. I don't know your email I?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

My email address is Or Facebook me. That's what Momza did. But 2 busy figured it out on her own. '

Just sayin'.

Yay, for truffles.

And DeNae, hee hee I can't wait until you read how I used that line in my diary. I was laughing my head off yesterday, and I read it to my hub this morning.

He smiled.

Brittany said...

Yay! I am not so competitive as to be disappointed with an honorable mention. Especially when I won what I wanted anyway.

Sandi said...

facebook it is. obviously 2busy is smarter than me.

Scooby and Jon said...

2busy is smarter than me too, so thanks for puttin your e-mail in the comments! and I'm with Brittany, I love honorable mentions!

Carol Yuen said...

Hooray!! Thank you!! I emailed you! I can't wait to read it!! WHOO HOO! *fist pump*

Martha said...

Man, I didn't win anything? Oh, yeah I was too lazy to enter. I did finally receive my book in the mail after 2 months. What was the holdup? Probably they had to print more because of it's huge popularity!

So T is going to stay there and go to the Y? What the heck? All these opportunities to see the world. Ok, she's only 17 so maybe next year.

Garden of Egan said...

It is so amazing to see that book floating around the internet and bookstore and know that I have actually breathed the same air as you!
It makes me shiver!!!
AND guess what??????
I took a picture with me and DeNae's daughter last weekend!!!!

My bucket list is complete.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Garden, you are hilarious. Breathed the same air? Ha! Hold on to the picture. Someday you will be framing it and showing all your grandkids because I'm reading DeNae's manuscript right now and it is FABULOUS with a capital FAB. She's going to be famous one day.

Martha, you're going to be famous one day too. Do you mind? Cause you are one character I didn't cut out of my diary. Yes, I think T has decided on BYU for this first year at least. She still debates a little bit, but we feel good about that choice, being that she's only 17. But Z has his heart set on BYU-H so look out. P.S. I WEAR YOUR magic earrings almost EVERY DAY! I have gotten so many compliments on them too. MAHALO!