Monday, August 15, 2011

Find a way!

A few weeks ago I got to drive to Island Park, just me and my one and only daughter. And then I got to drive home from Island Park, just me and my three sons.

Driving with three sons is a teensy bit different than driving with one daughter. First of all, my daughter works at a flower shop so there are no nose plugs required. She also doesn't try to teach me how to duggy from Pocatello to Malad, so there are no ear plugs required. She also doesn't feel inclined to swap childhood excrement stories, so there is no need for me to smack her upside the head while shouting, "who raised you, again?"

The biggest difference, however, between driving with my daughter and driving with my sons is that I didn't get lost on I-15 with my sons. Mostly because I had already been there, done that with my daughter.

Which, if you think about it, is the best thing about getting lost, right? Not getting lost again?

Getting lost doesn't just help you figure out which road to take, it also helps you figure out which road not to take.

You follow?

Trust me, I've had a lot of experience on the wrong roads. Mostly because I grew up in Bronxville, New York. Which is not to say I was raised in Bronxville, New York. I was raised in Provo, Utah, but all of us who spent their 18th year of life being a nanny in Bronxville, New York used to get a kick out of saying we grew up in New York, being as that's where we learned all our whats and what nots and shoulds and should nots and all that jazz. (And jazz nots.)

One thing I learned fer sure is that there ain't just one road to get you through life. (Unless of course that road is paved with yellow bricks.) But I learned this the hard way.

See there is this one road that runs through New York. It's called Boston Post Road. Post road to those of us who knew it well. Like the back of my hand.

I was convinced that Post road would take me to infinity and beyond if I stayed on it long enough.

Either that or it would take me to China.

See I'm kind of a one road sorta gal. When I meet a road I like, I get clingy. And I commit. I'm just loyal like that. And at 18 years of age, Post road met all of my needs. It got me everywhere I desired to go. At least to the more important destinations, like church, Nathan's hot dogs, and Friendly's ice cream.

I'm only admitting this now because of a comment I received from Stephanie @ Diapers and Divinity on my post about how I thought I-15 was like the iron rod. She said, and I quote: I can't even explain why that is so funny to me. It's like there's something metaphysically true about that (to some people).

Darn straight! To (some people). Like me.

To the (other people), who are capable of having no-strings-attached relationships with the streets they drive on, it's hard to understand those (some people) who do.

Take my boss for instance. My poor poor boss. He was Italian, bless his heart. Italians have a way with words, that's alls I'm sayin'. My Italian boss was like the Cake Boss, only he didn't bake cakes. And I never heard him say the word fondant. Actually I never heard him say much. Unless something disgusted him. Like if you put mayonnaise on your hot dogs. Or if you said, "Oh my heck!" while doing jazz hands. Or if you drove up the driveway too fast in his BMW and knocked his alignment out of whack. He really had a way with words in those instances. And also when giving directions. He knew how to turn a phrase or two when giving directions. Especially if you stuffed your fingers into your ears and said, "La la la la la. I'm not listening unless you tell me how to get there from Post Road,"

Those words had a way of making my Cake Boss boss feel like drinking raw eggs and punching brick walls. Not in a bad way. It's just that Italian guys always think there is an easier way or a faster way or a better way to get where you're going, you know. And usually it's called the parkway.

At least that's what he always said.

But to me the Cross County Parkway and the Hutchinson River Parkway and the Saw Mill River Parkway and the Bronx River Parkway seemed like the hard way. I mean, if you got off at the wrong exit, you could never change your mind and get back on.You just started going in a whole nother direction.

Keep in mind that this was during the stone age when the GPS was just a twinkle in Gad's eye. Before GPS we used to drive uphill both ways in the snow. And sometimes late at night. In fits of tears.

And we liked it like that.

We liked it like that because all those late nights spent driving around (in a fit of tears) (uphill both ways) (in the snow) taught us a thing or two. Like where to go, for one. But mostly where not to go.

But most importantly it taught us how to find a way. A lost art if you think about it. (Get it? Lost art. (Ah, sometimes I crack myself up.)

Eventually I took my Cake Boss' advice and broke up with Post road. It was one of the hardest things I ever did at 18 years of age, in New York. But it was one of the rightest thing I ever did too.

There's a moral here. There's a definite moral here. There's more than just one road on the Atlas of life. And even if you miss a turn or two, you can always find a way to get to where you're going.

Which is exactly what Merril Hoge, of the Pittsburg Steelers, wrote to my kids on the football he signed after coming down the stairs from his weight room above the garage at his cabin in Island Park where we rent from him for one week of every summer. (inhale/exhale). He's never been there before and he'll probably never be there again, but for some reason this year he was there at the exact moment we were packing up our garbage, aka crap, to take to the land fill. He heard us shoving our crap into the back seat of our car and took pity on us.

I kid not. Merrill Hoge descended his staircase, much to our shock and awe, like a regular prom queen, and threw our garbage into the back of his truck.

And then wrote some swell advice on a football.


That's what it said.

Whaddaya know! Not only do I have a knack for bringing famous people into my life, it appears I also have a way of getting them to take my crap (ba dum bum) while simultaneously giving me swell advice on a football.

Seriously folks. Merrill Hoge gives great advice. On footballs. It's almost like looking into a magic 8 ball when you read the stuff he can dish out on a stinkin' football.



See what I mean?

It really makes you stop and think what advice you would give on the side of a football, given the opportunity to take someone else's crap.


The Mom said...

So THERE you are! I KNEW you had gotten lost, because it was 10 days since you last posted! And I was going into CRASH withdrawal.

I thought you were going to, but you didn't, but you could for another post, tie in his FIND.A.WAY into your GETTING LOST. Like, if you're lost, don't worry, you can FIND A WAY!

And, as you will remember once I remind you, Kam Hwy is the only one and true road. That is, if you ever want to go anywhere out of Laie.

Welcome back.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh you are such a smartie pants. Yes, I am going to tie it in in the next post. And you are so. dang. right. about Kam Hwy being the one and only road. I was more deeply committed to that road than post road any day.

LY Anne! Thanks for missing me!

Dolly said...

Hot bath. Music. Something to read. This post! The universe has spoken to me. It was one of those days.

High five a Ti- g e rrrrrr!!!!

Jen said...

I have missed you. And I also have to say that getting yourself lost and then found is definitely turning into a lost art. (And I really, really, love that pun.)

And I think my three boys would wish they were your three boys if they read this post. (inhale/exhale.)

(Hopefully I'll read you around more often. Wouldn't that be fun now that I'm attempting to re-enter blogland?)

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Oh my goodness, I get to comment right below Jen. Which makes me feel all brady bunch like. I can't really explain why.

Well I am glad that you are found. Will you be around more with school starting? I am looking forward to that.

Donna said...

that is the story of my life!!
Find a way!
My blog today is for you!!

Heidi said...

This was a very inspiring post! I need to find a way to read and write blogs again! I have missed it so much! And I have to find a way to write another book and not neglect my husband, kids, home or my little store that is meant to somehow make money and support us one day. And then there's the being a good neighbor and a missionary and all that church stuff. phew! Gotta find a way!

Martha said...

Yeah, where have you been? Too much vacay for you. You need to get back to the real world or back on Kam Hwy. And you never even told us about this so called writing job that you got. What's that about? You have had the funnest summer ever and I'm jealous. I had to work and work some more. I'm sick of work.

So yes, Jim and Nan will be on Hawaii Five 0!! They are still in la la land about it. Look for them in episode #4!!! I was this close to also being on. Jim and I were supossed to walk down the sidewalk and right when we started out the director said "CUT". Oh well, no fame for me. I'm trying to get Rachel on next week because they need a volleyball player.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OH. M. GOSH! My email is not sending me my comments anymore. I had no idea you were all here. I'm so happy to see you all. Nutty and Jen and Heidi and Donna and Martha. AND DOLLY! All my buds. I feel like I'm at a partay! And you too Ann, but I knew you were here.

YES, I am going to be around more once school starts. I am hanging on by my fingernails just waiting for next Tuesday so they will have somewhere productive to go and something productive to do. No more chore lists and back to school shopping.

Martha, you were almost a famous person!!!! I could have posted photos. DANGIT! But at least Jim and Nan will get their day in the sun. It's all the buzz around here. My twins said they scored 50 bucks.

My job is writing and editing for a company that creates patient flow software. 10 hours a week. From home. And I make the same as I did teaching FULL time. At my peak.

Miss Heidi, I had to take a nap after reading all the things you need to find a way to do. hmmmmm. Can you find a way to stop finding a way? That's what I want to know. I. Must. explore. that. concept.

Jen!!! I totally get what Nutty means when she says she feels like she's on the Brady Bunch commenting under you. It is so good to see you again. Welcome back to blogland.

Donna, I must go over and see your blog for me today. On my way, girlfriend.

Dolly, I am trying to figure out how to high five a tiger right now. It will be like a song stuck in my head all day. ;)


TisforTonya said...

We've moved around a lot...a LOT actually... and I've been lost in each of those cities once. but just once. It was like a rite of passage and I learned to love it... well, y'know, once the crazy anxiety had passed.

I especially loved driving later with ManOfTheHouse and saying "oh don't worry, this road connects up with such and such road in just a minute and you can take a left"... I loved letting him think I was brilliant without letting him know that I'd spent nearly two hours and a tank of gas figuring that out :)

My football: would probably say take a nap.

robin said...

Thanks so much for making me laugh today. I really needed to laugh.

The Mom said...

Crash, with your amazing blogging skills, can you help spread the word about Amy Gold's project to get violin classes going at Laie Elem? It's with the Pepsi refresh project, which I totally realize is not Code Red Mountain Dew, but they're the ones giving the money away.

It's a Pepsi Refresh kind of day! 13 more days of voting! Thanks for your support, share with friends please!
Provide violins, music and music supplies to 30 low-income students. - Pepsi Refresh Project

Remember when we all voted for Deb-E? Now's the time to vote for Laie Violins . . .


The Crash Test Dummy said...

I am on it, girlfriend!

Aubrey Anne said...

Just added you to my fav blogs list. :) Thought you might like to know you are loved!