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Saturday, August 27, 2011

Seasons Greetings

If I ever get to meet Santa Claus, I'm going to make a suggestion. I'm going to suggest that the kids start each new school year on Christmas day. That way, instead of coal, we can just fill up their stockings with school fees receipts. And we can wrap up all their school supplies and text books and sports uniforms and back packs and back-2-school attire (and scrubs, since my daughter is studying to be a medical assistant) in bright packages and bows, and say ho ho ho, and call it good.


Two birds, one stone. You get me?


I just don't think I can put my wallet through this again in four months, you know!


Speaking of Christmas, I feel like I need to write you a Christmas letter. That's how long it's been since you've heard from me. I just checked the stats and I've only written to you THREE times in August!


What the what!? That's less than a handful!


I pinky promise I write to you in my head every. single. day. Can't wait till they come up with an ethernet cable you can plug into your brain. Then none of us will ever have to write Christmas letters again.


But since we're still in the stone ages, let me send some seasons greetings from my Dummy family to yours.


Let's start with me. Ever since the Bishop broke up with me as the YW Prez I've been drowning my sorrows in work. Work, work, work! That's what we do best here in Utah. We are industrious about our grief. It's the quickest way to turn our hearts back into stone.


Mostly I've been working on my "to do" list rather than my "to bee" list. (Another Utah dealio.) First I finished unpacking from the move two years ago. Then I cleaned out and organized my storage room, then my laundry room. Then I took a nap. Then I cleaned out my kitchen drawers, and rearranged the kid's play room, which is actually more of a man cave now, since all my kids are teenagers. With teenager needs.


There was a time I used to cry in my soup because I couldn't seem to get pregnant. I was afeared I would never be a mom. Then I started getting pregnant. Then came all the miscarriages. Then I was crying in my soup and my salad. Then came all the babies. Boom, Boom, Boom. (Even brighter than the moon, moon. moon.) (Sorry, sometimes my mind works like a Katie Perry song.)


Anyways, now my daughter is 16-years-old and my son is 15-years-old and my twins are 13-years-old son. And they are full of needs. Needs, needs, needs. Deodorant needs and protein shake needs and cake batter needs.


It just goes to show you, you should never cry in your soup. Just keep the faith, because one day you'll probably be crying in your cake batter.


But enough about me. It's a milestone year for us. My twins just started Jr. High, which means their needs include zit cream and new shoes and an extended course in how to open a locker. They also feel the need to shake their heads and say, "OH MoM! You ruin every song. And why are your waistbands so high?"


My middle son just started high school. And so his needs are great. But then his needs have always been great, so I should probably say his needs are greater. For some reason this year he had a great need for a gold fish. Go figure. He also has a great need to play basketball for the team with the best program. I have been fighting it for two years because we are not in the boundaries of the best program and it requires us to give over our guardianship to my hub's brother. In short that means that every week night he has to sleep at their house and wake up at 6:15 a.m. for scripture study. It's a sacrifice fer sure. We don't wake up for scripture study until 6:20.


But whatevah! I'm over it! GO MY SON! Go and climb the ladder! Who am I to hold you down!


And then there is my daughter. Who is in her senior year. And who still refuses to cause any trouble. All she wants to do is make us proud. She saves her money and doesn't text while she drives. She takes flowers to the elderly and organizes family temple trips. And yada yada yada, she finished her Personal Progress. I keep telling her that one day she's going to go off the deep end if she doesn't get a tattoo or something, but I'm just her mom. Whaddu I know?


She made the high school tennis team. But then everyone makes the team at AF High. No one gets cut, so if any of you want to play on a high school tennis team let me know . . . I can hook. you. up.


Martha, you will be happy to know she is playing 1st singles. But I'm not being Braggetty Ann in saying that. It's not the same school she played for last year, which was a tennis school. This school is a band school. The best band school in the whole world. The kind of school where people get cut from the band if they've never played an instrument. But it's not the kind of school where they get cut from the tennis team if they've never picked up a racket.


Last season they only won 2 matches all year, but they're all super nice and my daughter loves it. She could care less about playing for the best program and getting up at 6:15 for scripture study. She reads her scriptures at night. And she could care less that her new coach looked right at her and said, "Whoever plays 1st singles is going to get slaughtered."


And so she goes, like a lamb, to meet her destiny.


But not without a fight. She won her first match 6-1, 6-2. Woooohooooo! (Sorry, sometimes my mind works like a Black Eyed Peas song.)


She lost her second match, but she didn't go down like a lamb. That sassy pants went down like a lion. Rrrraaarrrr!


As for my hub, he's doing great. He spends a lot of time outside trying to reset the sprinkler system. Oh, and he wants to raise chickens.


Just when you think you know a person, they decide they want to raise chickens. There goes the neighborhood, right? As if we're not popular enough with our charming dog. FTR, my hub has agreed to fast and pray about it for a year before we start building coops, so don't start checking the by-laws yet. And please don't leave any anonymous letters on our doorstep from the proper authorities.


Mahalo!


So that's life in the dumb lane. Hugs and kisses to all of you! Ex's and Oh's. Hope your season is merry and bright. And filled with peace and prosperity. Above all, prosperity.


LY everyone!




14 comments:

IWA (e - va) said...

Hah! FIRST!

IWA (e - va) said...

hahahah! OMG.. You're back.. i mean really really back!

Like you are singing in your post.. and using lots of colorful imagery... and making me LOL fer reals! haha!

So did T switch school's in her SR year? it's okay we really know she's wearing red under those scrubs! I love that she's still too perfect for words! haha.. maybe one night when she is sleeping, you should TEMP Tatto her and see she what happens! (Pls video it, if it really happens!)

And the dr is cracking me up? chickens? really? Didnt he get enough of them in Laie? We have a whole yard full of them, he's welcome to fly down and take as many as he'd like..

miss you guys lots!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha! Iwa! Woohoo! The Dr. would love to fly in and get some chickens. hee hee My kids would too. They were obsessed with chickens in their Laie life. Do you think maybe the Dr. is missing home? And that's why he wants chickens suddenly? Like it's some kind of deeply rooted psychological need?

This morning he said "Well, I either want chickens or a garden." ha ha

Tatum actually switched back to AF after the first term of her junior year. She liked it so much better than the good tennis school and she figured tennis isn't worth being invisible. And guess what! AF colors are RED, WHITE and BLACK. Red Raiders for life, baby! I'll post pics when I get home. I'm in St. George partaying like a rock star.

Miss you lots too! Merry Christmas!

Garden of Egan said...

It sounds like your drowning there in Happyville with all the needy children under your roof.
I hope you get the cake batter off your face.

Your hubs is now my proper HERO!!!!
I want chickens and my hubs is NOT feeling the same prompting as me.
I love the cluck cluck cluck and he doesn't want the muck muck muck.

Thanks for the Christmas letter update. I had wondered if you had fallen into Island Park reservior or something.

Aubrey Anne said...

Love this! It's so Utah I could just cry with pride, lol. Anyway, I love that you're making your husband wait a year for the chickens. My sister just rolled over and let her husband get the damn things! Chickens?! Worst.trend.ever.

Jenny P. said...

I didn't really realize how much I missed you until you came back. Does that make me a bad blog friend? Or a good one?

I want to raise chickens too. And we're totally gonna do it. But we don't live in the a neighborhood. We live in the woods, with no neighbors to speak of, so I think chickens would probably like it here.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

OK the title of this post made me think of that office supply commercial set to the Christmas song "The most wonderful time of the year." I do see the parallels to how expensive this time of year is. Sheesh. I would be all for the combining of shopping and spending. I am feeling a bit of anxiety about school starting. Not ready to go back to the rat race. But oh well, what can you do, time marches on.

I am glad you are back. Gees girl I posted twice in August. You know it is bad when you barely beat me. Thanks for voting for me and my turkey bone on Facebook. Turns out I have no chance of winning. At first I thought it might be that I don't have friends who love me. But then I realized it is just that I didn't have friends who's lives consist of nothing more than sitting at the computer voting. So I am trying to be graceful about my defeat. But still I really wanted to win those tickets.

Sandi said...

....and Mele Kalikimaka to you too! Holy cow that was quite the letter. I had to stop mid-way through it and go get some hot chocolate and a sugar cookie and put my warm comfy robe on, even though it is sweltering here. So now you know what it feels like to have a kid move out. kind of. I hope he knows that you are still the boss of his whole life!! And 2 in Jr High at the same time....ugh, thats all I have to say about that. Enjoy Senior year...it is over so fast and then they think they don't need you anymore but really they need you more than ever. I have missed you. Ho Ho Ho.
p.s. I guess when you write long posts it makes me feel the need to write long comments. sorry!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Gosh Sandi, could you pass me a sugar cookie? That sounds so good, but not at all on my diet.

wendy said...

Now THAT'S what I call a Great Christmas Letter.

teenagers....who can afford them anymore???

Martha said...

Jim and Nan were talking about W & G's bday today. So if we get on the ball maybe (don't hold your breath though) maybe we'll get to town to get some cool Hawaiian treats for them.

Yeah, I pretty much quit checking your blog because there was never anything new. Does school start on Monday? Poor Rach, she didn't get any new school clothes this year. We are focused on one thing. I wish she would get the vision!!! New house, new house!!!! Plus I spend all my money getting Josh outfitted for college. Fall starts tomorrow for BYU and he's decided he needs to change his whole schedule. So today on the phone I said, kid the last two weeks you have been playing around, what a punk. Anyway he's been staying at Dolly's and moved into my bros house tonight.

I hate chickens, well not hens, they are nice, rosters are so annoying. Every morning I hear them and I just want to let Falcor attack them. So don't get roosters, ok?

So one of your friends from L7 stopped me the other day and starts taking pictures of me and says she needs it to send to you. It was kinda weird.

Jim and Nan got paid for Hawaii 5-0. $54 to be exact. They are not only famous, but rich too. So look for them on episode #4 of season 2. You will have to for sure post it if they are even visible.

Oh and today the church had all the youth come because they are making some video about Arising or something.

T is #1!!! I bet she wins a bunch. They don't know how much of a fighter she is. In December she can apply to BYUH!!

Our JTT team is going to be good because we got 2 new tongan girls who are super good. They are 11 & 13, but really big and hit hard.

Ok, time for bed.

Sandi said...

ha ha ha I really really really LOVE Martha.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh my goodness, I really, really, really love Martha too.

I love getting Christmas letters in my comment box.

Martha, I saw Joshie at Dolly's. You're right. He was just messing around.

YAY for Tongans that play tennis. Touche about T being a fighter. You'll see why in my next post.

YAY for Jim and Nan being rich and famous. Please remind me which night to watch. We will DVR so we can rewind over and over and over. And of course I will blog about it. You know how I love famous people. Especially rich famous people.

I'm sorry Rach doesn't get the vision. Kids are so narrow minded like that. ;)

I have NO idea who in L7 would take a photo of you to send to me. I didn't ask anyone too. Maybe someone has an idea for a blog post. Who was it?

P.S. NO ROOSTERS! Fer surrrrre!

LY!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

I love me some Nutty and Sandi and Wendy and Jenny and Aubrey too. You guys sound like a cheer squad. ;)

I also love me some Garden too. Even though she doesn't have a cheerleader name.

I didn't realize how much me either, until you guys all gathered in here with some hot cocoa and sugar cookies.

;)

LY all of you!

Peace!

On earth!