You've Got a Friend

So yesterday the phone woke me up from my Sunday nap.

It was my MIL. As her chit chat turned to chitter chatter I dug through the fridge trying to find some whip cream in a can.

No such luck. I had to settle for a bag of stale flaming hot Cheetos to take the edge off.

The chitty chatty bang bang continued as I sat down at my computer and clicked opened my comment box.

"You have one week left to get your 2008 family highlight photos to me," she sang cheerfully. "I'm putting my scrapbooks away in a week."

The cheetos were working their magic and my face was heating up nicely.

"Well, it will be a cold day in happy valley before you get those photos," I mumbled.

(I couldn't help it. My throat was on fire.)

She was like "huh?"

And I was like "OMGOSH!"

And she was like "What? What's wrong?"

"OMGOSH! . . . nothing . . . nothing's wrong . . . OMGOSH!"

My face had just burst into flames. And not because of the Cheetos. It was because Ellen Hopkins left a comment on my Monster post.

ELLEN HOPKINS! The New York Times BEST SELLING author of Crank and Glass.'

Thank you rich and famous author Hopkins! You made my day. The only thing that would have made me happier is if you'd said "Crash, you are crazy cute. Do you want me to hook you up with my agent?"


But seriously, this really got me thinking though about how someone important can just drop in out of the sky and make your day like that.

Wouldn't it be awesome if James Taylor's You've Got a Friend song was true and you could really just call someone's name and they'd come running.

Who's name would you call?

I'd call Erma Bombeck. And then I'd call Martin Luther King, Jr. And Jackie Robinson. And all the rest of my Jacks) And Charles Dickens. And George Elliot. And T.S. Elliot. And Shakespeare.

And then I'd call Tim O'Brien. Tim O'Brien, please drop out of the sky and make my day. Please, please, please. I promise I will buy every Vietnam Veteran a Peenya Kowlada Jamba Juice if you do. And I'll Go Large and add immunity boost if you tell me I'm crazy cute. (After I recover from my heart attack.) And I will sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow at the top of my lungs if you hook me up with your agent?

Tim O'Brien, you don't know how many students I have turned on to you. A simple thank you is all I'm asking.

Tim O'Brien?

Tim O'Brien?

Do you guys mind if we just sit here and wait for him to come and make my day?


If you get bored you can click here to go to my serious site. I wrote a poem today, Ellen Hopkins style. I haven't written a poem in years, and sheesh, it's an awful lot of work (and guilt), especially when you have ungraded papers and unwashed dishes and unswept floors.

I'm also going to post on my Magic Quilt site today (later after I grade and wash and sweep) so check back in. And I'm sending off a package of fabric to Kritta soon so any of you from Hawaii who want your fabric to hitch a ride--Martha, Mariko, Iwa, Lia, Carol, Kute Kasey, Wolfgang, Liz, Siana and all you other lurkers--look to it!

LOOK TO IT, Peeps! There are millions of people who need a little magic, ASAP!

Peeps Patrol

Okay peeps, mark your calendars because the Crash Test Dummy is coming to Utah on July 10th. If you want to meet me at the airport with banners and balloons I'll send you my itinerary thingie.

And hey, maybe if I start jogging 10 miles a day I'll be able to fit into my HS cheer skirt so we can have a little pep rally by the baggage claim.

Let me know if you want me to bring my playlist and do a Kung Fu Panda workshop for your Young Women or teach your crazy bored friends how to survive 60 mph impacts w/o airbags.

Or, if you want, you can just take me out to lunch at the Olive Garden. (I accept Jamba Juice cards too.)

OR, OR, OR, we can have a quilting bee. I don't quilt myself, but you guys could quilt while I blog about it. And I can serve you chips and salsa while you quilt and I blog. I'm good at serving chips and salsa.

Dead serious--not about the chips and salsa,but about the quilting bee--thanks to Wendy @No Botox Allowed for giving wings to my magic quilt idea.

I've got a MIND BLOWING PLAN to heal the world (one quilt at a time.) Click here to read my plan and see my new site.



And you know what else I've been thinking about? Anjeny and how she nominated me for best blog of all time and how I giggled and called her a silly silly goose.

But why shouldn't I be best blog of all time? Why should I be intimidated by Pioneer Woman? I mean, true, I don't have any votes yet, but I'm only 20 votes behind pioneer woman and 24 votes behind Dooce. And I'm only 130 votes behind the real best blog of all times.

I still have time to catch up if I blog my brains out 24/7 for the next 300 days or so.

Maybe I could get Jack Johnson to write me a magic theme song that hypnotizes readers into voting for me . . .


The possibilities are endless.


I mean, I know by myself I'm not best blogger of all time, because, well, let's face it, I don't have a Marlboro man. My man doesn't even smoke. But I do have a happy German.

And a tremendous Austrian.

Seriously, what does the Pioneer Woman have that I don't have (besides a chain smoking husband)?

I may not have cows or horses, but I have cockroaches and geckos.

I may not be able to cook, but Mariko can and Damaris can and Amanda can.

Does PW have a published author who sold her first novel out of print in less than 2 months? Well, we do, thanks to Miss D. and Miss HeiD.

I may not take stunningly breath taking photographs, but Alyson does and so does Shelle.

PW has a mentally retarded brother, but I bet she doesn't have an apostate brother. And I bet she doesn't have a yellow submarine. And she probably doesn't speak to the universe or make magic quilts.

WE CAN DO THIS THING, girls!

All I need is 21 votes and I'll be on page one. And if I'm on page one, then we can make a gazillion quilts and heal the world a gazillion times faster. Then maybe we could get sponsors for our Blog-Across-America tour and we could write books about all the crazy people in America and go on Oprah and David Letterman and Regis and Kelly.

And then we could all get our hair Japanese straightened.



Are you as pumped as I am right now?





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Oh, and about my daughter's hoity toity SS teacher . . . I didn't end up busting a move on her because I had to give her the Heimlich instead. She was seriously choking on her words that she would shave her head if my daughter's group made it to the History Day district competition.

They did make it--(4th place so there's room for improvement, but STILL!)

And can I say something to my daughter's friends who also made it. Sydney/3rd place essay, Josi/3rd place performance, and Josie/2nd place documentary. WOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!

You go, girls! Seriously, SO TAMN Proud of You! (Don't tell your parents I said that.)

(Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Josi! Can everyone leave some cake in my comment box. Wolfgang, will you bring your honey and granola frozen yogurt? And will everyone wear blue today in her honor.)



MAHALO!

You guys are da bomb!


And remember . . . A vote for Crash is a vote for Crash-n-Friends! Click on one of the blogger's choice buttons on the left hand side bar to vote. You do have to sign up and log in.

LY Friends!

My Thursday Bucket List

Today I would love to . . .


1. Punch my daughter's teacher in the nose?

Not her Hoity Toity English teacher, but her hoity toity Social Studies teacher. If Kahuku High School had tennis courts I would arrange a duel after school behind the courts and I would channel my eagle powers and do some Kung Fu Panda on her, and maybe a Karate Kid kick or two.

Wax on! Wax Off!


2. Lift Miss Heidi on my shoulders and parade her around Borders singing We Are the Champions until I'm blue in the face. (But wait, it was HER book that just SOLD OUT OF PRINT, so I should sing YOU Are the Champion until I'm green in the face.) Does anyone want to help me carry her?


3. Get a shaka tattoo and join a rock band.



4. Buy every one of you a royal blue snuggi so we can crash Kristina P's Playboy photo shoot and yell, "Oh, GAD! Oh GLORY! Honest to PETE!"


5. Borrow an article of clothing from every person on the planet so I can quilt a patchwork bridge to Terabithia across the universe. I will start building the bridge with the quilt I just received from Kritta. (Mahalo Kritta!) This is the quilt I won from Shelle's Don't You Hate it When . . . contest.



Kritta is it a magic quilt? Does it have healing powers? When I'm healed should I pass it along to someone else who needs to be healed? And then they could pass it on to someone else and so on and so on until the whole world is healed. (But after everyone is healed can you guys send it back to me?)


6. Sleep for 36 hours straight.


7. Buy the whole state of Arizona a swirly cupcake in honor of Kute Kasey's engagement.

Kute Kasey's fiance surrounded by swirly cupcakes.

8. Kidnap April from her quarantine, and take her out for a Peenya Kowlada Jamba Juice (IN TAMPA BAY)! Then force her at gunpoint to wear yellow and sit in the Steelers section at the Superbowl.

GO STEELERS!


9. Let Anjeny sit shot gun on our Blog-Across-America so we can play Crash Test Dummys with the airbags and throw peanut M&M's out the window at biker dudes.


Anjeny earned a special place in my tie-dyed heart when she nominated me for 3 blogger's choice awards incognito as Emerida--my favorite being, Best Blog of All Times. Oh you silly silly goose, Anjeny, putting me up against Pioneer Woman, but that touched me, girl. Especially since my followers are dropping like flies.

As Charles Dickens would say: "It was the best of blogs, it was the worst of blogs."


But if I go to the top, YOU ALL go to the top. Submarine POWER!! Crash & Friends 4 ever, baby! Healing the world ONE quilt at a time!