Thursday, January 29, 2009

My Thursday Bucket List

Today I would love to . . .

1. Punch my daughter's teacher in the nose?

Not her Hoity Toity English teacher, but her hoity toity Social Studies teacher. If Kahuku High School had tennis courts I would arrange a duel after school behind the courts and I would channel my eagle powers and do some Kung Fu Panda on her, and maybe a Karate Kid kick or two.

Wax on! Wax Off!

2. Lift Miss Heidi on my shoulders and parade her around Borders singing We Are the Champions until I'm blue in the face. (But wait, it was HER book that just SOLD OUT OF PRINT, so I should sing YOU Are the Champion until I'm green in the face.) Does anyone want to help me carry her?

3. Get a shaka tattoo and join a rock band.

4. Buy every one of you a royal blue snuggi so we can crash Kristina P's Playboy photo shoot and yell, "Oh, GAD! Oh GLORY! Honest to PETE!"

5. Borrow an article of clothing from every person on the planet so I can quilt a patchwork bridge to Terabithia across the universe. I will start building the bridge with the quilt I just received from Kritta. (Mahalo Kritta!) This is the quilt I won from Shelle's Don't You Hate it When . . . contest.

Kritta is it a magic quilt? Does it have healing powers? When I'm healed should I pass it along to someone else who needs to be healed? And then they could pass it on to someone else and so on and so on until the whole world is healed. (But after everyone is healed can you guys send it back to me?)

6. Sleep for 36 hours straight.

7. Buy the whole state of Arizona a swirly cupcake in honor of Kute Kasey's engagement.

Kute Kasey's fiance surrounded by swirly cupcakes.

8. Kidnap April from her quarantine, and take her out for a Peenya Kowlada Jamba Juice (IN TAMPA BAY)! Then force her at gunpoint to wear yellow and sit in the Steelers section at the Superbowl.


9. Let Anjeny sit shot gun on our Blog-Across-America so we can play Crash Test Dummys with the airbags and throw peanut M&M's out the window at biker dudes.

Anjeny earned a special place in my tie-dyed heart when she nominated me for 3 blogger's choice awards incognito as Emerida--my favorite being, Best Blog of All Times. Oh you silly silly goose, Anjeny, putting me up against Pioneer Woman, but that touched me, girl. Especially since my followers are dropping like flies.

As Charles Dickens would say: "It was the best of blogs, it was the worst of blogs."

But if I go to the top, YOU ALL go to the top. Submarine POWER!! Crash & Friends 4 ever, baby! Healing the world ONE quilt at a time!


Kristina P. said...

Kritta and I are blest friends now.

I am going to hide her under my Snuggie for the Britney Spears concert. Awesome.

And please, please arrange a Kung Fu Panda duel.

Missy said...

I want to witness all of this!

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

Love that quilt!!! What the heck did the SS teacher do? Pray tell :)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

She keeps pubicly humiliating my daughter's history day group and telling them IN FRONT OF THE CLASS that they STINK and that they're not 6th graders anymore and that she'll be have a heart attack and die of shock if they make it to the district competition.

SWIRL said...

I have to say your daughter has a great attitude.
( I was over- while crash was ranting...) She said she told her teacher, something to the effect, "oh well, it's over now."

I think that is great. Does the world really end if you don't go onto district? pu-lease! These are bright students and they haven't wrapped their whole self-esteem around one History day project... can't say the same for the teacher!

And do tell/explain all the swirl cupcakes with Kute Kasey's sweetie??

Alyson (New England Living) said...

I'll help you kick that hoity-toity teacher's bleepity-bleep! And I say kick literally. I have no upper-body strength. It's all in the legs, baby!

SWIRL said...

Oh and by the way
I can't believe I'm #5.. I'm usually so late in the show.. I'm comment 105!

look at me! moving up the comment order!

The Wixom Zoo said...

I'm there with you. Last year I could've drop kicked my daughter's 2nd grade teacher. I wonder sometimes what the qualifications for elementary teachers are? (Maybe they're just different in Idaho?)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Girls, thanks for the support. Let's start a GANG! Mom Power!

And Missy can be the witness to all the destruction.

I'm SOOOOO HAPPY to see Alyson again!


Swirl, Kute Kasey's sweetie is in my class so we had an engagement partay!

So said...

Teachers can be a pain. Love the quilt. I hope it has healing powers. It's beautiful enough to have them.

Barbaloot said...

I hold the hoity-toity teacher down while you and Alyson attack. I may be short-but I'm scrappy.

Lovin' the quilt! How thoughtful of you to be willing to share to heal people...but I recommend you be selfish and keep it to yourself. You deserve it.

T said...

too bad we can't just bribe some officials to send their group on to district... because the "have a heart attack and die of shock" might take care of a lot of problems... just saying...

I am LoW said...

I LVOE fighting bad teachers, and taking truffles to the good ones. So count me in!!! :-)

(by the way, they still paddle... as in SPANK, in Georgia)

Kritta22 said...

Can swirl go take pictures of said Kung Fu fight? Please swirl.

Kritta22 said...

Kristina P and I are blest friends now. (Is that like best and blog?) I'm so behind. I need to read Tamn more often to keep up.

I took a test online yesterday that said I could take on 28 five year olds. Good times!

Kritta22 said...

You are very welcome for the quilt. I'm sorry it took SOOOOO stinking long!

I don't know if it has special powers. you could ask it.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Kritta, I think it's a cross between best, blessed and blog. At least that's what my blogic is telling me. ;)

Sandi said...

Send that stupid teacher to AZ- they are all getting layed off, so that would be her punishment. But I do love the kung fu idea too- you would totally take her. Hooray for Heidi! I hope she is up to that victory lap on your shoulders. I certainly hope that when you kidnap April, you also force her to get a stinkin pedicure so she can wear open toe shoes on her trip to Tampa- maybe they will even put a little steelers logo on her toes! Ohhhh look at cute little Suli with all the swirly cupcakes- he is completely confused to how that all came about..haha. That was so nice of you to do that! Who needs the PW when you can buy swirly cupcakes and chocolate?????

wendy said...

I totally think you should do it. Every blogger send in a piece of fabric from an old clothing they wore and put together a quilt. Needs to be a little story (little) about the piece of material. ex.I wore this when the police arrested me for solicitation. Something true like that (j/k) Could get some good ones.

April said...

I know...we hold the SS teacher down while Kristina stands over her in her blue Snuggie, cause we all know what Kristina wears under the Snuggie!!! The teach will be scared.....errr scarred for life! And I would love to help you carry around Miss Heidi! She totally deserves it! KK fiance does look a little shell shocked! Maybe he needs to be wrapped up in the quilt for a while....or maybe he will be cured once the Cards win!


Anjeny said...

Ooohh wow...Crash and two are getting really violent. I turned my back away from you two for one moment and you turned violent..LOL.

But just to make you feel better Crash, I will come along and watch you kung fu panda THAT teacher and Swirl can do wax on wax off on her. I don't think you'll have any problem teaching her a lesson with all these MOMS Power you got with you.

You notice I'm trying/pretending really hard to avoid mentioning any irritations I have about teachers.

And yeah Crash...I do LOVE your blog. It is actually my favorite...where else on this blogasphere can I go where I can practice being witty and sarcastic? Whenever I need a good laugh, this is where I go to get it. In fact, my kids are starting to look at me weird all the time because I would literally just laugh out loud while I'm staring at the computer.

Love the blanket btw. Totally worth the waiting, no?

Anjeny said...

Oh does one loses followers? I mean what happen, someone was following you and all of a sudden decided they don't want to follow you anymore? Curious mind wants to know.

April said...

Uh oh....looks like Anjeny is trying to stop following Crash but doesn't know how! hahahahaha!!! J/K Anjeny!!! hehehehe!!!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

OH.MY.GOSH...I've been gone for a bit, but the commenter SO...did you see her eyes? They are like UnderWorld Vampire piercing...I like her already...a lot!!! there room for me under the Snuggie? Cause I would like to throw Peanut M&M's at Brittany Spears...since Swirl is taking front seat on the Blog Across America!!!

As far as kicking someone's butt...I'm your gal, no seriously I am. See I keep my MEAN girl inside, so when she gets to come out and play, she is a little out of control. Now it doesn't cost me anything to fly over there...and I could bring my camera so that I could journal the WHOLE kicking the hoity toity SS teacher's butt...but then I couldn't kung fu! And lately I've REALLY been into UFC...that's right...UFC...and so I could put her in a choke hold and then when she attempts to tap out...ignore it...and then put her to sleep.

Oh wait...I'll just take the pictures...

Kritta! Your quilt is gorgeous...and of COURSE it has healing powers...all things that take a few months gains its healing powers! :)

WAY TO GO HEIDI!!! HIP HIP HOORAY!!! I will help carry you around@

Anjeny...I thought you said I was your favorite blog? Now I'm totally devasted...or...half of Crash's compliments go to me since I'm her never mind!

And losing followers is like losing your favorite candy heart breaking! Guess what Crash...another one of mine just bit the dust also!

Okay...I must wash some clothes...Peace out!

da Bergs said...

Love to read your randomness... you are just too fun!

springrose said...

I am SOOO in on the teacher but kicking!! Especially since it is a History teacher! I had a History teacher in 9th grade that used to humiliate each student and if we even acted like we would get our parents involved or even openly complain so he could hear he would publicly humiliate us further and then tell us "Here's a quarter, go call someone who cares." lovely comment comeing from someone kids should be able to trust! Let alone the stale coffee breath!! ugh!!! Don't ask what is up with all the !!! I don't know, I just need extra enphasis today!!! I once got into a fight with my roomate at Ricks college. She just wouldn't drop it and she was always acting all tuff and like she could kick my butt. So finally I told her to bring it on! It scared her and she never messed with me again. She never knew that it was the adrenaline talking. Once she backed down and left the room I nearly passed out and then almost thru up. But I'm there for ya! I can put up a mean front with the best of 'em.
And just so you know I ceck you every day I just may not have the time to comment, to many kidos running around and screaming!

Kritta22 said...

I should be cleaning right now cuz I have book club at my house tonight but i'm not feeling it.

I think it's because I need to put lotion on my feet. But I have to wait until my toe nail polish dries.

So this is where i am.

I'm really glad you got your quilt. I was about to have words with the USPost Office.

Have you read Shelle's post today?? I need to find a boy like that for my sister.

Anjeny said...

LOL April. I am really addicted to Crash, I couldn't stop following her even if I wanted to...ahahahahahah. know it girl. You two are twins so when I'm telling one something I am in actuality telling both of you, no? Oh Crap, I can't tell you two apart anymore...LOL.

And Shelle, I can't wait to see you in action. I guess all that bathroom experiences has been good for you uh? LOL, kidding.

Oh Craaaash!! You have got to do something about your WV, it is too darn creepy, like JJ stalking creepy...LOL

Heidi Ashworth said...

I am sick today and am supposed to be in bed but I snuck out to read a few blog posts and I am SO glad I did! I would love to be carried around on all your shoulders, especially if they carry cleaning supplies and take a stab at cleaning my house along the way . . wouldn't that be lovely? A trip to Hawaii would be lovlier. Do you think I could write it off as a professional expense, what with the shoulder ride and all? Sounds pretty essential to me!

Sandi said...

Anjeny, I am baffled at the whole losing followers thingy too- I read that on Shelle's post one time and I just didn't believe it...why would someone take the time to actually remove their little pic from the "people who follow this blog" section? I think they must be wierdies. I'm loving the whole Kung fu/wax on wax off theme here today. I think it got everyone going just hearing about the idiotic teacher because we have all had one, or had to suffer through our kids having one and it just makes a girls inner karate kid come out!

Anjeny said...

I know uh Sandi. Why put their name there just to take it back off again.

And yeah, there is actually one teacher I would really REALLY love to beat the snot out of her right now so I seriously hope she stopped calling me at home with all of her false alarms.

Anjeny said...

Heidi...hope you feel better soon. Maybe Crash can come over and baptize your house with soft scrubs, you know she has the authority right? LOL

So you get some rest and ignore the housecleaning for a deserve to take a break once in a while.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha aha

I'm cracking up at all of you right now.

Melanie J said...

There was a time when you're new posts would come up on my blog reader and I wasn't the last one to the party. I guess that time is done. Stupid blog reader. Sorry about your followers, Crash. If I could click you ten times I would. Actually, I can but then I'll just keep following and then unfollowing you which would be confusing.

Sandi said...

I'm going to need some more entertainment here- Dang Office is a re-run tonight :(

April said...

I need to get out of this house!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! I almost made it out today....but not quite....{sigh}.

Sandi said...

April did someone hold you down and forbid you to leave?

Annie Valentine said...

Just reading this incredibly ambitious post makes me want to sleep for 36 hours.

How is it that I kind of know will do most of these things?

I am LoW said...

Crash- next time you feel blue about loosing a follower, look at your 73 followers and then come and see that I have a whoppin 5. That'll make you feel better. :)

T said...

April - are you still under house arrest? (hehehe, I'd explain, but I like when other people get confused and wonder "what the what" is going on!)

I lost a follower this week on my book blog... I debated crying but then decided that maybe they (don't have any idea who it was) weren't up to the intellectual stimulation I was offering... since I've reviewed a few elementary level books lately...

and yeah... If I ever get 73 followers I'm throwing a party! (but no, the Taj Mahal is out - sorry)

April said...

I was supposed to go out today, but there was a problem with the ankle bracelet....I kept getting zapped when I went too far from the house.


April said...



Seriously, no one is here? Oh man!!!

Tiffany said...

Friends forever!!!

I would definitely attend that fight. Go Crash!!!

Mariko said...

First I went "WHEW", she wasn't talking about kicking me in the face, and then I went, "Yikes" because I could picture myself saying such a thing because I like to shock an awe.
And didn't it?
I guess I hope, at least, that those kids know I don't really mean it but kinda do and we all have to step our game uP?
Especially me?
Anywho. Sorry. I often want to do that as well because of some other certain situations that I should not divulge here because maybe this person is blog stalking me and following my comments around internet land. This is me being paranoid, but I SWEAR, they're WATCHING!
I'm sorry about the history day thing. I saw the results and I was up in arms about it, even though I didn't see it. They can't do that to my favorite STUDENTS! (see the plural there, Co?) ONLY I can do that to my favorite students. Hee hee.
Um, Did I tell you I had a dream about you? I was in a hospital xerox room (totally normal, right?) and there were tons of women there sitting around and talking, but I couldn't see any of their faces, just their hair, because they were all turned towards each other in a strategic fashion, kind of like how they try to pretend people are nude in movies, and I saw a stack of finished xeroxes with your name on it, and I was looking around for you and I realized everyone's hair looked like yours, and I finally settled in on someone I was sure was you, and I just kind of tapped her on the shoulder and gave her the papers (okay, breathe now). But when she turned around, It WASN'T YOU! But she took the papers, so I was confused, and I was thinking, do I not actually know what she looks like? But then she didn't hardly even glance at me, so I was convinced it was not you, because no way would you diss me like that, and I started trying to figure out which one of these other clones was actually you. It was like a fun house of mirrors, and I think I only got three chances, but I woke up before I used them.
Anyway, True story. I seriously did have that dream. Kinda freaky. Let's interpret it.

Kritta22 said...

Oh I love this comment box! All my hommies gathered around for a good time. So where is the Blog Across America, right now? Working it's way up to Seattle?

Kritta22 said...


Pictures of our BAA, SHelle??

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Wow! What a crazy dream. I had a crazy dream too, only you weren't in it, Mariko. I'm sorry. I was in Russia and I got bit by a shark and then I was eating cookies. I was like a cookie monster. Cookie after cookie after cookie. I couldn't stop. And they tasted so good. I could actually taste them. I've never tasted anything in a dream before, especially a flavor I've never tasted before. It was like a fruity Oreo. I can still taste it.

What the What?

Anyway, back to YOUR dream. I CAN INTERPRET. I'm a professional dream interpreter. You think I'm an enigma who isn't who you think I am. You can't pin me down because I have so many different personalities, all nude, but all with the same hair. And which hair did I have in my dream, btw? Was it my crazy poodle hair or my crazy cocker spaniel hair? It was a house of mirrors because I'm like a freak show at a carnival, which is strangely alluring to you because you always wanted to join the circus. The xerox copies mean that I don't want to look at you because then you'll see that I'm really just a carbon copy of everyone else.

So what do you know about HD? I don't mind that they came in 4th because they weren't polished AT ALL so I expected it. Co says the top 6 go to districts. But Ta said HTSS said only if they meet the standards. Have you heard any gossip we can whisper about in front of the world? Are they in or out?

Soooooooo happy for Syd, Josi and Josie!

Martha said...

Wait, I thought I was having teacher problems. I'm hoping mine are over. Except, Mariko doesn't think J should drop his English class. I'm so dumb to make the same mistake twice. My other four kids will take 10th grade English online if needs be.

So I'll help you with your waxing if you help me with mine, k? By the way I had three brothers who used to beat the tar out of me, so I know how to fight.

Why does Anjeny get shotgun? No fair? If I make you some bread can I have shotgun and borrow the magic quilt?

Anjeny said...

Martha, you are sooo bribing the dummy..LOL. I get shotgun because I can point out funny people to throw M&Ms at and of course spotting stupid people who April is allergic to. LOL

I can't wait to see Crash in her boxing gloves or was that in her Kung Fu Panda costume...poor teacher has no chance. LOL

Colleen said...

They are definitely going to districts. HTSS wants to rob them of their legacy, but her words don't have Jefferson's eloquence so John and Abigail's actions will see them through. Think of what J and A could have done with moms like us. Ta won on the merits of the bald cap alone.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Okay, I'd go with #1, 2,3 (did ya know I want a butterfly and I HATE needles, but I'm gonna do it anyway??), 5, and 6. I don't know if I have time for the rest but maybe.

This IS the best blog. According to me and lots of others, my dear. You'll just have to deal with the fact that we love coming over here and laughing ourselves silly and having slumber parties. And dreaming about meeting JJ. Okay?

springrose said...

Crash, thanks for the moo moo offer. Sorry if I am misspelling that! And thanks for whispering!! HaHa!! I'll let you know if I need one! Probably!! (I know again with the !!, what the what?! I don't know!)

Funny Farmer said...

That is a quilt of many colors! Wow Kritta - I'm impressed!

Applauding for Heidi - so happy for you!

I love it that the Hoity-Toity English Teacher didn't use paragraphs (I know you did it on purpose and the effect was great!)

I'd like to drop kick all rude and unkind people -- teachers that are so arrogant about their power that they think it's ok to humiliate students are at the top of that list.

Pour that bucket out, baby. It's gettin' heavy.

Sandi said...

HaHaHaHaHa! that is the weirdest dream ever, and that interpretation is the funnies thing ever. All this SS drama at the HS is making you girls freaky!

robin said...

looooooove the quilt. I'm SUPPOSED to be quilting right now but I'm blogging instead. Help me I'm blogging and I can't shut up!!!

I had issues with a 7th and 8th Grade teacher April knew and loved too. Mrs. Neal. (cue death march). Her favorite line if you asked her a question was "WHAT ARE YOU STUPID!!!!!!" true story. And she also wore the same thing under her skirts that Kristina wears under her Snuggie. she liked to put her feet up on her desk. ewwww.

robin said...

if I close my computer now I can quilt for two hours...maybe it's enough...wish me luck

Funny Farmer said...

"Help me I'm blogging and I can't shut up!!!"

Robin, you are a punning Genius!

I may have to steal that someday.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

YAY! FUNNY FARMER stopped by! So happy to see her. HUGS, FF.

And Robin, I didn't know you quilted. That's going to come in handy for me after you read today's upcoming post.

Oh, and EWWW about your 7th grade teacher, Mrs. Neal.

THANKS, Blogging Mama. And You're welcome Springrose.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hey everyone. Martha gets to ride shotgun with Anjeny because she really did make me some fresh hot bread this morning!



Sandi said...

Theres a name for people like Martha and it starts with brown and ends with nose!!!!
(jk martha!)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

hee hee hee hee, Sandi. Brown nose and white bread.

Truthfully, she is pretty tan.

Sandi said...

Okay so I am home "sick" today....sshh! But I just sat here and listened to most of your play list and I am now officially in love with "anyone else but you" by the Moldy come I never heard that before? who nominated that one? I love it!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

I love it too. I nominated it. It's from the movie Juno. The whole soundtrack is fabulous.

I'm just sitting her waiting to hear if April got out of the house today or not. Quarantine is officially over.

Sandi said...

April is probably running nekkid through the streets of Utah right about now. I just hope she remembered to take the blue snuggie along, just in case she sees anyone she knows! Yay for the quarantine being over!

Martha said...

So I get shotgun WITH Anjeny. How does that work? Do I sit on her lap, or are we taking turns? I can throw M&M's too you know.

I had to make Crash's family bread so they won't think I'm abusing them. First, her hubby checked my daughter's throat for strep during his lunch, then he coached my bball team, then I borrow butter, then at 10:30 last night my poor son, with the English teacher problems, says he needed 10 plastic cups for his cooking class. So guess who he borrows them from? Yep, the soccer-playing, history-day girl who lives next door.

So do you think some hot, fresh, bread-machine bread was well-deserved?

Now that I wrote all that down and realized how much I abuse them, I better make them some pasta salad too.

Lucky I live next to such wonderful neighbors.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh STOP it Martha! You do way more for us than we do for you.

But pasta salad sounds good.

Martha makes the best pasta salad.

Anjeny said...

Oh, I am soo jealous....Crash and Swirl have been getting spoiled by Martha.
Martha, how are their new neighbors if they ever move away ever live up to all your spoilings. Not only are you buying them totally hot sexy shorts that makes JJ appear out of nowhere just take pictures with Crash, but you're lending them eggs, potatoes and the list goes're baking them bread too? So so sooooooo not fair!!

Ahahahahahahah. Crash, she is a definite keeper, do not let her out of your side. Martha, we'll take turn sitting on each other's lap, hope I don't break anything....LOL.

Sandi said...

I think I am going to print this out and run it over to my neighbor so she will never be in doubt as to what it is a good neighbor is supposed to do. She could use a few pointers.

Sandi said...

I, on the other had do all of those things and so much more for all of my lovely neighbors. oh yes I do.

Mariko said...

I only said he should stick it out. I didn't say he would. My opinion has no bearing on the decision, so no problem for me.
4 more to come!
Oh, Martha. We are so going to have this problem again.
Ha ha.
The G legacy will probably be over by then. Let's hope the HTMJ legacy is over too. (for reasons that have nothing to do with your 4 kids, of course. just me and my stress.)
CRASH! You are good at this. Maybe you could make some money doing this dream interpreter thing, and then we can all just sit around and blog.
Except I would NEVER think you were just a copy. That part needs some work. Maybe it's more that I was trying to copy you.
I'm zipping my lips about the whole SS thing. I gotta work with the woman, you know.