Wednesday, January 28, 2009


You didn't really think I could do Wordless Wednesday, did you?

Wordless Wednesday is like the biggest oxymoron in the history of the world.

Especially when I have a message for you from the universe.

Look before you leap.

I don't know which one of you it's for because I'm just the messenger but consider yourself warned.

Fortunately for you I speak fluent Metaphorese so when I came out of the shower this morning dripping like a wet poodle to find there were no towels within a mile radius I was able to understand and interpret the deeper meaning.

Look before you leap.

Unfortunately Metaphorese is not a romance language and object lessons are extremely difficult to interpret, particularly when they entail drying off with a wash cloth and a dozen cotton balls.

Besides bringing you that message I wanted to say I'm sorry for being absent, yet absent lately.

FTR, it's an excused absence and I can bring a doctor's note if needed.

I was sick. (to. death. of. me. myself. and. I.) (The only person I wasn't sick of was Crash. I never get sick of Crash because I'd rather pretend to be dumb than pretend to be smart.)

I blame my students for my sickness. Students these days are so demanding. They expect you to learn them something more than who's going to be the next American Idol.

I also blame John Adams. Since I'm no longer stalking Jack Johnson I've turned my attention to John Adams.

I'm finding that it's much harder to be in love with John Adams than it is to be in love with Hamlet. Maybe because HBO cast Homer Simpson to play Adams instead of Mel Gibson. I guess Mel Gibsen refused to get a perm and stop brushing his teeth for 3 years.

HBO makes it really hard to stay in love with Adams, but no worries, I'm committed. I just don't understand why they would hire Paula Abdul to hold the camera during filming. By the end of the 100-hour mini-series I felt like I was curled up on a vinyl couch aboard the Super Ferry trying not to BMBO. Every scene was either tipping or tilting or slanting or rocking or rolling. And there was one scene where John Adams was actually running through a field upside down.

What the HELK, Paula? Take is easssssy, girl!

I also blame my absence on my first editor and my first deadline for my first magazine article. It was small-kine so don't get all impressed and start hating me and resenting me and envying me and talking behind my back yet. The article was for Bloodstone Magazine, which is geared to the hemophilia community.

And if you're wondering why in the world I care about hemophila--read for yourself.

And finally, I blame Gad for my absence because Gad is to blame for everything. (Including your absence. Should I blame him for that too? Or should I blame myself?)

P.S. Everyone go look at my cousin, Sewl's beautiful art. She ROCKS so hard! And so does her blog. Best feng shui ever. Best Kharma. Best cewl vibe. But don't take my word for it.


Kristina P. said...

My heart almost stopped when I saw a Wordless Wednesday post from you.

And then I just thought about my family being at my Playboy shoot, and it started again.

sara said...

Kristina could probably take a lesson from you in drip-drying when coming out of the shower. If she keeps the bathroom door open she won't need to schedule the playboy shoot.
Just out of curiosity, did you end up using a hand towel? (Because I would've.)
Congrats on getting published. One more thing I can covet about you.

♥georgie♥ said...

Thank goodness you didnt blame me!!!
proudly wears my team CTD tee
btw my word verifcation thangy reads urinate geesh

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

AHAHAHAHAHAHA Kristina- I can't stop laughing from your post.

Crash- you so crazy girl :)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Kristina P. Did your heart stop because you thought I was posting a photo from your playboy shoot? Or mine? My family would be too judgemental to come to mine. And I would be too judgemental to come to mind also.

Sara, hee hee. I'm so glad you asked. There were no hand towels either. Well there was one, but it was sopping wet so I'm assuming my husband used it after he showered.

Georgie, EWWWW. It really says urinate? How crude!!!

Hi Emily. Oh, I forgot to link to your latest post. I was going to because I love your art. Better go back track.

April said...

Crash...I have a hard time taking people with poor dental hygiene seriously either.

Sorry about the shower drip dry. I bet you'll be finding extra belly button lint for the next few weeks. You know the belly button is a magnet for that stuff...well except for Kristina's her clothes can't hold her lint in cause she doesn't wear any.....oh wait! I wonder if her belly button lint has been blue lately!!!

T said...

drying off with a hand towel and cotton balls is a definite improvement over my most recent "forgot the towel" incident... the bruises have all mostly healed by now thank goodness - and the rest can be airbrushed by Playboy... hmmm... maybe I'll just donate the use of my feet, they can dub them onto someone else's body and head... naked feet are about all I can handle!

WV says prene... is that like Preen? because now that I'm only letting them shoot my feet I really don't care to look good!

Youngblood4ever said...

Now I hate it when the hubby decides to use my towel because he forgot to look before leaping into the shower and didn't get one out for himself. Then, when I go to use MY towel it is dripping wet and how the helk am I supposed to get DRY when my towel is WET???? EH?

Sandi said...

oh my...everyone is so funny today! maybe the blahs are starting to go away? I nearly bust a gut reading shelle's and kristina's blogs today and then Crash comes along and does a psyche and then cracks me up with visions of a dummy drying off with cotton balls. yep, its been a good day.
WV= urablog. No I'm not. I don't even HAVE a blog, how can I BE a blog?

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

Woweeee- thanks Crash! You are the best cousin in the whole wide world :)

Kritta22 said...

seriously, who else is your cousin? I'm gonna need a family tree of your blog friends. This is starting to mess with my head.

Congrats on being published. You are now the second coolest person I know.

Did you get the quilt yet? I'm about ready to go postal on the postal!!

Sandi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Melanie J said...

I'm trying to think of something clever to say but I'm gaving to use all my smart brain cells to keep up with Jeopardy in the background. But you have enough smart brain cells for both of us. Cotton balls? Brilliant. I'd just drip dry and curse my husband creatively.

lori said...

Have you never heard of streaking :) It all started because someone couldn't find their towel.

Heidi Ashworth said...

All I can say is that if you lived in a place that is cold in the winter (like northern california) you would always know where you towel is BEFORE you get into the shower. Trust me on this. Or, better yet, come to visit and find out for yourself. Wouldn't that be fun? Thanks for your super enthusiasm on my blog today! And thanks for all you did to help promote my book--you must have sold at least 2,050 of them all by your lonesome!

Sandi said...

I agree with Heidi- we don't feel sorry for you since you were nekkid in Hawaii where it is nice and warm and not freezing your bits off like the rest of us!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha ha. I'm LOLing at all of your comments.

and FTR it WAS freeeeezing. Like bone chilling cold. At least 65 degrees above 0, maybe 70. brrrrrrrr.

Oh, and Sandi, YES, there is a TARGET coming!

And Kritta, YES! I got it and LOVE IT. I'll post a photo tomorrow.

And Kritta, Sewl (Emily) is my real blood cousin. Everyone else is related virtually, in Gad's eyes.

Pamela Palmer said...

Ooooo. Is it a new article, or the same one? Are we going to get to read it?
I knew you couldn't do wordless Wednesday.
We like that you have weaknesses.

I was biting my thumb and so extremely concentrating that I didn't sense your vibe looking in on me. Sorry about that. History Day judging is hard work when you really disagree with one of the judges. REALLY disagree.
But anyway.

Pamela Palmer said...

Oh, that was Mariko, Not Pammy, but it's cute to see another face on here, even if it's not a face.

IWA said...

So I’ve never been anyone's person of the week.... So do I bow and tip my hat, or wave crazily with my smile taking up 3/4's of my face! As you know I’m not the humble type... so I’m going to the roof tops and shouting till the A building in TVA hears me! heehee!

The universe whispered my daughter the same message (in the form of me screaming) as she came in bouncing happily that her team finally won a basketball game tonight and jumped on my lap top!

Thank goodness they won…. all the losing was getting so depressing! I mean it’s all for fun and the important thing is that she didn’t elbow the tall kid in the nose again …right? Whatever!

Sandi said...

OH...CRASH! I forgot to say Mahalo Nui for sending KK chocolates...You should definitely not be sick of those me, myself and I people because they are pretty gosh darn nice!

Jami said...

I shoulda known you'd never be wordless. Even on Wednesday.

Love you and your words.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Congrats on the article! And I've missed you Crash. Nothing starts my day like a good laugh over here at Crash Test!

Kritta22 said...

I'm so glad you are getting a Target! IT's the greatest invention since the towel....which you can BUY there!!

Kritta22 said...

You would think that living next to the beach you would have a constant supply of towels on hand.

What do you have your students do anyway? Aren't student and slave interchangeable words?

Kritta22 said...

I just wanna poke you in the eyeball with your comment about being cold at 65. Actually I want to poke both eyes.

It was a wonderfully warm 10 degrees today but with windchill and the fact that it was snowing, made it about -5.

Do you even know what snow is?

It's kinda like a ice cone but not. No cherry flavors.

I am LoW said...

The day Crash goes wordless is the day I stop visiting this blog.

Well, maybe it would take more than 1 day wordless.

Maybe like a week.

Or two weeks.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I'm like Kristina...I thought I had gone to the wrong blog! lol! But I wasn't and you were just poking me in the humor bone! Silly!

Anyway...I haven't been watching this John Adams special, but apparently I roll with history geeks and smart people...I'm a history geek, but I don't have HBO and therefore excuse myself from watching and learning!

But it sounds good.

Anyway, I have been MIA also and apparently so has Alyson...but I didn't know that because HELLO, I was MIA also!

And you can't tell people not to envy you behind their backs...ummm...kinda something you can't control...

But since you asked, I WON'T envy you behind your back, I will now do it in plain sight...for everyone to see! How's that?

Oh and I wish you would have spoke to the universe and conveyed your message of looking before you leap...before I had that awful bathroom experience I just wrote about...but then I wouldn't have learned my lesson...

Deep thoughts...

Oh...and I usually DO make up fun words...but yesterdays...I just spelled wrong. Totally ashamed of myself!

WV: APPRO--totally saying my comments are always appropriate...and professional...that goes for my blog posting also!

robin said...

I looooooved Emily's art. It made me want to get back to my sewing and then I remembered that I have a babysitter coming over this afternoon which had me looking over my house and groaning. So I have to spend time sprucing my house up so its not TOO embarrassing. I think it's pretty hopeless though. Maybe I could just pull out some quilt patterns and dream about what I want to make. one day....