This is just me, writing down some notes for my new novel. Private stuff. None of your beeswax.
I. Must. Write. A. Book. I must. I must. I must. Before I bust. Because I've sworn off murmuring on my blog, and my heart has now turned to sharing the lurve, even though my microwave totally blew up in my face when I told it to warm up some of my leftover ham and potato pie. Seriously, it shot me a full body glare that numbed me from head to toe, hot white sparks and all, (and then it warmed up the pie for me.) My MIL saw the whole thing (while she was standing too close to me, BLESS HER HEART.)
But I will not be deterred. Lurve is more important than laughs. All you need is lurve.
But when I do write my book. It will be a light hearted comedy about a cute, sweet, elderly man, bless his heart, who's front tooth falls out of it's root canal. His DIL will call the dentist right away and make an appointment, but he will refuse to go because it costs $60. So his DIL will offer to pay the $60, but he will force her at gunpoint to break the appointment.
This is where the plot will thicken and the story line will get comedic. The cute, sweet, elderly man will try and try to fix his own tooth. And the climax will occur when his DIL unveils his secret plotting with glue guns and hot wax. And the DIL will catch him with her tired, tired, patient husband, in the act of spreading every glue in the house, including caulk and seam adhesive, across the kitchen table to consider the options.
I'm quite sure it will be a suspenseful novel too. I will make the DIL mentally unbalanced so no one will know when she's going to pop. At one point she will begin yelling at her children and her know-it-all-son will say to her "You don't have to yell," which will make her yell LOUDER. And he will say to her, "Why are you yelling?" And she will yell, "BECAUSE I CAN. AND BECAUSE I WANT TO!" And he will say, "But why would you want to?" Which will make her YELL with all her heart, might and strength, until she has yelled her lungs out!
And then, five minutes later, in the next chapter, she will come downstairs and find her MIL whispering suspiciously to her know-it-all son on the couch. When the MIL sees her DIL, she will nervously depart saying she needs to go brush her teeth.
And the DILs eyes will narrow and she will say to her know-it-all son, "What did SHE say?" And he will tell her, "She said to turn it to channel 14, because The Price is Right is on."
And then he will turn to her and look her right in the eye and say, "That's what SHE said."
And then he will look away and whisper under his breath, "But you didn't hear it from me."
And when she turns to walk away, he will say to her, "Bless YOUR heart, mom."
Too bad truth isn't as strange as fiction! Just think of all the books I could write if it were.
I will be back with my regular posts tomorrow. And I WILL START SHARING THE LURVE SWEET LURVE, so help me Gad!
(P.S. Don't steal my ideas okay.)