Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy New Year Everyone! (And don't mind me)

Last night, as soon as I hit publish on my Lurve Sweet Lurve post, strange and unexpected things began happening.

I jest you NOT!

It was late and the house was slumbering peacefully. I closed my laptop and took the ethernet cable out of my ear before drifting off to sleep.

SUDDENLY! I was startled awake by an enormous cacophony of sound. What the helk? I flipped on my lamp. My mirror mirror on the wall had come crashing to the floor of it's own accord. Oversized. Wooden framed. Sturdy. Totally down for the count.

Trembling and bleary eyed, I crept out of bed to see if it had cracked so I could plan my next 7 years accordingly. I somehow managed to knock a broken printer from it's resting place and it landed on my foot, scraping the skin of my shinny shin shin on it's way down.

OOOOWIE! It made me bite my tongue in agony.

Thank heavens the mirror wasn't cracked, but isn't it a strange coincidence that a literal mirror would literally fall just as I'm trying to metaphorically transcend myself?

Bad omen? Good omen?

As soon as I laid back down to rest, the most ear shattering eye popping blasts began outside my townhouse haven window. Fireworks, no doubt, because it's New Years season, but I could have been in a war zone.

No sparkle , just BAM! BAM! BAM! One right after the other. I was jumping out of my skin. Even my son came racing into my room in a start of heart failure.

As soon as my heart stopped pounding out of my chest and I was settled back into the silence, I was acosted full force by a swarm of monstrous mosquitos straight from the dark side. They were stinkin' spiteful, not to mention rude and ill-tempered. All night long they feasted off my flesh and blew rasperries at me in my ear.

When I awoke I asked my family how they had survived the mosquito masacre and they were like, "what mosquito masacre?"

It's enough to make a poor dummy start murmuring again.

Do you think the ghost of Christmas past is trying to keep me from sharing the lurve of Christmas future?

Should I be frightened?

Should I cancel my sharing the lurve sweet lurve week and forget about transcending myself? Should I go back to inhaling whipped cream from a can and wagging my tongue rudely?

I confess it's tempting.

This is my dilemma.

I tried to be good today. I cooked my heart out for sistahs in my ward with new babies and surgeries and bad backs and heart aches. I tried to spread the lurve with a quadruple batch of rolls, but I must admit I almost started singing that one Police song while my MIL was watching me roll them out. You know the one about not standing so close to me.

But don't worry about me. You guys just go on ahead and have a happy new year. Party like a rock star. I'll work this out on my own. I would be partying too except I only made one New Year's resolution and that was to take my blog responsibilities more seriously. So, yea, don't mind me, I'll just be here sorting through my options.

ANYWHO . . . as my mom always said when she sent us out the door to party like a rock star on New Year's Eve, "See ya next year!"


Kristina P. said...

Happy New Year! I'm partying like it's 1999 with Dwight, Pam, and Jim! I finally am watching Season 4!

Don't tell your inlaws.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Sounds like somebody is trying to put a stop to your lurve sweet lurve. Don't let 'em! (whomever they be) Either that or you are on the edge of madness. Out of compassion, I vote for the first one.

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

Happy New Year!!!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Well my oh my, I hate it when that happens.

Maybe the mosquitoes only bothered you because you ate all the whipped cream in the can and they could smell it and you blood tasted sweet like unto a nectar.

And wow are you filled with the spirit of charity with all those opps to serve. So that shows that you still have the spirit of lurve.

And something about the word lurve makes me think of larvea and that makes my skin crawl. But then I shake myself out of it and realize it is a good thing not little creppy crawlies.

Oh and happy new year!

April said...

WOW....note to self....stay away from Crash! I have enough bad luck on my own. good deed goes unpunished!

The hubby and I are spending an exuberant New Year's on our couch watching Law & Order reruns. I think I have enough hours behind me to be an attorney!

I should have pulled out our DVD's of the Office like Kristina did tonight and every time I heard, "that's what she said" added "bless her heart" to the end of it!

Happy New Year Crash and all the other dummy followers!

obimi- Obama on a diet

nevadanista said...

Mosquito bites are much better than Job's skin ailment!

Eeeaaasy, eeeaaasy, eeeaaasy now

Step away from the whipped cream can...

Kritta22 said...

Up here in Alaska, we shoot people for blowing off fireworks on NOT New Year's Eve or Fourth of July days. Just whip out the gun and BAM. That'll learn 'em!
And we have mosquitoes that could be shot birds.

My Word V says Pregg- something you want to tell us...why you are sharing the love?

OldBoatGuy said...

Happy New Year back to ya.

Did you know that Hill & Billary dropped the ball at midnight? Just thought I would pass on that bit of very much needed info.

That mirror fell because that was about the time the ball dropped in NY. There is always an easy explanation for everything that happens to us.

ishbglos.....this ISH the BLOGGERS.

T said...

sounds like there's a conspiracy out there - just keep humming your Police tunes (if the words aren't there it doesn't count as snarky right?) and stick to your guns!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Ok, just found a major con to Hawaii in the winter. Mosquitos?! Seriously? In the winter?

Hope you can keep that lurve in your heart for the new year.

Verifier says "cousn", since you are my cyber cousin. It's trying to find me of our familial ties and to show you the lurve.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Okay, Ya'll, you're giving me courage and strength. I knew you'd be there for me.

My verifier said excruds so I'm taking that as a sign that I'm not the man I used to me. I WILL SHARE THE LURVE!


Jami said...

For some reason your misfortune is reminding me of the beginning of the second Babe movie. You did manage to avoid the full body cast, didn't you?

Happy 2009.

Verification word of the day : cooti. I think I can handle just one. However, if my husband ever got more than one there would be serious consequences. (Ew! Cooties!)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

hahahahahahaha! Heidi....breathe,!

Sorry Crash, but Heidi's was a funny comment!

Along with she is a witty girl isn't she? She is a recent follower of mine (out of pity I'm sure) and I hope to keep up with her! "booked enough time to be a lawyer herself" great!

I love Kritta and her Redneck Alaskan ways...Shoots people...I'll remember that! :) lol!


About you post...

I think you have a Scorpion King or The Mummy scenerio going on...and so the only way to cure that is to hire a very handsome, strong, not fearful, totally hot body, co-star and find the evil spirit that has come back to haunt you and send them to the other side or kill them...

it's simple really...

And glad your mirror didn't break...tamn it all to helk!...because your bad luck is my bad luck since I am half of you.

Happy New Year!!!

SWIRL said...

the mosquitoes were BAD at our house.. I ended up putting a shirt over my head.. with just my face peeking out the head-hole.. so they couldn't feast on my ears and neck, etc.. and this morning.. you know what I saw in the reflection from my mirror??? They had a party on my right is swollen 3x it's normal size!!!

I'm sorry to admit- but it comforts me to know it's not just our house and me. Misery really does love company.

WHY are they so bad this year???

SWIRL said...

Oh yeah-
I was cringing as I read your post..that one of your last night disturbances was a call at an un-friendly hour, from a neighbor who was looking for her sons.. without actually physically going out in the mud and dark to really LOOK for them.

Sorry for calling so late!

Jen said...

Oooooo. My vote is that your house is haunted. Alyson probably sent you one of her New England ghosts to help start the New Year off with a bang.

To get even with her, you should send her some Hawaii mosquito love. I bet she'd love that.

And I love that Police song. When I was sixteen I used to sing it to Annie all the time.

Martha said...

Yes, it's New Years and I finally got a free moment to sit down and read your posts. I kept yelling at the kids to be quiet, turn the tv off, go play in your room, do your chores, ect so I can concentrate or I will be lost and never be able to understand all the underlying humor. I was behind four posts.

I can't believe you saw Obama. Lucky you just happened to take your camera to Sunday Brunch.

Should I tell all your followers that you have not watched all the seasons of The Office yet? I'm not sure if you are a true fan or just a wanna-be.

Your loyal followers will never believe this, but Crash wasn't quite clear what "That's what she said" meant. Her R.S. pres heart is so pure and innocent that she had to ask me what it referred to. Unbelievable, I know.

Man, those fireworks last night were unbelievable. I swear that was the most I've ever seen. All our kids were all up in our bedroom and we had a great view of all of Laie. I thought there was a recession, yet these people spend thousands on fireworks. I think I spent $8.

So what did you think of the band? The musicians were great, but the singers--pretty scary.
Since I cakes on the bug spray for the party no mosquito dared come close to me last night.

You must have been cooking all day. Have you ever heard of the work delegate? It's a new one. Where's your compasionate service lady? Except if you delegate, you are depriving yourself of all those blessings. Now I know why you do it all by yourself, it's part of your repentance process. Surely, you are forgiven.

Mariko said...

We were also attacked by the mosquitoes. We covered my daughter from head to toe and she still had bites on all the tiny exposed spots. So annoying.
It's amazing you look forward to the holidays at all considering the circumstances you celebrate it under (and yes, what a cloud, what a cloud), if that isn't too mean to say. Hmmm. It is, actually. My bad. (my students think that excuses them from anything. I suggest you try it. It's quite liberating.)

Tiffany said...

Thank heavens that mirror is still intact because if that is you luck now just think of how it bad it would be with a broken mirror.

April said...

Ohh....0hhh....0hhhh.....(putting hand up like in class), I have a theory why the mosquitoes are so bad. (I paid attention during that science class).

So, mosquitoes lay eggs near bodies of water, and the eggs need water to be hatched. In dry years or if water levels don't reach the eggs, those eggs remain dormant. But guess what you guys had this year? Anyone, anyone, Bueller, Bueller? That's right! You had a flood! So, all those eggs that have remained above any water lines for years have now been hatched!

Science lesson complete.

ovessen-a female mosquitoes ovary

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Wow April, color me impressed. Loved the Bueler comment. ha ha ha
And I bet your theory holds water. he he he

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Aloha Everyone,

Happy New Year! I'm so happy to hear you discussing the science of mosquito reproduction in my comment box, just keep it clean, okeedokee. This blog is rated G. That's what sheeee said.

Okay, thanks Martha for sharing my private thoughts and shortcomings with all my friends and followers. I wasn't going to tell them that I'm a wanna be office fan. That I've never even heard of The Office, let alone watched it. I'm sure you didn't tell them anything they didn't already know. Even though you baited me and goaded me, I will still take the 5th about the singers last night at the party. Let me just say the singers were . . . enthusiastic. Especially La Bamba.

Mariko. I'm totally going to add that to the list I'm collecting of things that excuse you from bad behavior. Thanks.

Did I not tell you guys that April was hee heelarious. Love that girl.

Okay guys I'm going out to dinner and movie. Laters gators!

Youngblood4ever said...

Man, I have missed you! I've had fam here from Cali since the 23rd and we are a little more than crazy when we get together! LOVED this post, I was feelin' your pain. Happy New Year!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Jen may be right about the New England ghost I sent you, but the mosquitoes will never survive a journey through the post! And they certainly wouldn't survive the 30 degree temps, so keep them to yourself.