Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Public Display of Nudity

Still in Maui.  And doing some of my favorite things.  Today  I slept.  I blogged.  I ate mango cheesecake.   I slept.  I ate eggrolls.  I watched the Game Show Network.  I ate chocolate covered raisens.  I watched Happy Days.  I slept.  I jacuzzied.   

Oh, and I found a nude beach.  

Here's another acronym because you know how I feel about ugly words.  PDN = Public display of nudity. 

Everyone has an opinion about PDA (public display of affection.)  But how do you feel about PDN? 

I personally think PDN is one of the funniest things ever.  Partial nudity is not funny at all, but full monty nudity is stinkin' hilarious.  At least FAD (from a distance).  I'm a little afeared of it up close.

So this is how I came across some hee heelarious PDN today while hanging out at Maui's Big Makena beach, which is apparently just a lava rock's climb away from little Makena beach, one of the most beautiful nude beaches in the world, according to Brother Google.   

My boys:  "Hey can we go climb that lava rock and see what's on the other side?"  And off they sprinted.  

Me to my husband and IL'S.  "I better run after them to make sure they don't get hurt or stumble upon a nude beach."  

My husband and IL'S to me.  "While you're there take some photos from the top of the lava rock, especially if you stumble upon a nude beach."  

Since I'm such an obedient wife and I always do exactly what I'm told,  I climbed to the top of the lava rock and started snapping photos with my wide angle lens.  (I would show you, but I'm such a dummy I left my downloader cord thingiemajig at home).

But wait!  Was that couple walking hand in hand . . . naked? Was that couple playing paddle ball . . . naked? Was that boy boogie boarding . . . naked? 


Yes, they were all buck naked, except for one woman's wide brimmed sun hat to protect her delicate skin from the harsh UV rays of the sun.  (My MIL calls it head gear.   Has anyone seen my head gear she says when she's looking for her sun hat.) 

How silly to wear head gear without body gear. 

But some people were wearing body gear without head gear.  It was surprising how comfortable those who were wearing body gear seemed to feel mingling with those who were wearing only head gear.  Honestly, it was almost inspiring to see a fully clothed boogie boarder and a naked boogie boarder sharing the same wave as if  inter-apparel relationships could really work. 

I mean it would have been inspiring if I hadn't been snickering and snorting so hard and finger pointing.   

Don't get me wrong.  I'm totally cool with inter-apparel relationships.  And I am seriously so issue free when it comes to PDN (FAD). 

Like I've always said to my kids when they get out of the tub.  "Hey,  nudity is natural.  It's partial nudity that's nasty.  In fact, if God wanted us to be partially nude, we would have popped out of the birth canal wearing speedos and thong bikinis."  

I had a super conservative prudish friend in college who wore a t-shirt to bed that said Party Naked.  The only reason that shirt was so funny is because she didn't party naked.  She didn't even shower naked.  

I'm thinking of starting my own line of t-shirts like Annie Valentine did.  I could call them Stupid Party Naked t-shirts and use catchy phrases like:  

Boogie Board Naked
Paddle Ball Naked
Who Needs Head Gear!   
My Parents went to Little Makena Beach and All I Got Was This Lousy Sunburn  
Naked People are People Too!

and my favorite,

Hang Loose!

What do you guys think?  Would nudity sell?


Jen said...

I sooooo needed that whole laugh thing right now! And by "right now" I mean this very instant.

I've done all I can on my blog to avoid "other" responsiblities, and NOBODY was posting anything for me to chuckle at!

And then there was Crash. I love you Crash. And I now love PDN (FAD). And I have also become a complete supporter of inter-apparell relationships. It could totally work. And my husband would like it too.

WV "ressessa" Because I'm currently taking a major recess from my kitchen.

Crazy Lady said...

I thought about putting a sign up in my studio that said "clog naked" but the mental image of ANYONE clogging naked was just too much for me.

Blogging Mama said...

I would buy the My Parents shirt - that is great.

I'm with you though, PDN FAD for sure.

The Rogers Family said...

I can't stay in the closet with such A scintilating post. I am not to hip on me getting naked on a beach, Although I could probably enjoy seeing the hawaiian tropic girls playing volleyball or applying sunscreen to each other. I tend to believe evolution made us men more visually oriented in the sex department, or at least more open in admiting it.

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

HAHA- we were on a family vacay in Spain years ago and we went to a normal beach but everyone was in the buff. I was so embarrassed and my Dad and Ben were like "let's stay" and were totally looking all around. I wanted to die. Too funny!

OldBoatGuy said...

Did you clamp your hand over your sons eyes? Hee Hee.

I drove by a natural hot springs in central Idaho one summer, and it was occupied by a group of nudies. It was so funny. I snapped several pictures.

So nudity is either beutiful, disscusting or funny.

CaJoh said...

But wouldn't having a T-shirt defeat the purpose of being nude? Perhaps people should get a tatoo instead.

Funny Farmer said...

Oh my. Ohmyohmyohmy. I'm a little shocked and appalled here.

And the thought of clogging naked brings just one word to mind: OUCH!

"nolaimly" no lameness allowed!

Heidi Ashworth said...

Wow! The vocabulary! Where did you learn it? Did you take a special class? (tee hee-I kept hearing that Bette Midler song From A Distance as I gleefully read) What a hee-larious and creative gal you are!

Sandi said...

So, Im so curious to know the reaction of the children at seeing all that flesh- tell us more! I lived in Italy for 3 years and totally got used to seeing the nekkid chicks with hairy pits playing volleyball on the beach {shudder} Nope, not a fan of PDN!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I am with Jen, I notice we seem to be twins often. Anyway, so needed that laugh, and you delivered it on a silver platter with cute little radish roses.

Can't wait to see what happens next.

Kristina P. said...

That is delightful! Except that I don't even need to go to Maui or a nude beach to partake not only in other people's nudity, but people having sex. I get to enjoy that from the comfort of my own home, and watching our neighbors.

Barbaloot said...

The whole time I read this I was just busy thinking that I wanted chocolate covered raisins. Your talk of PDNFAD hardly fazed me. Which is saying a lot since it sounds like I'm similar to your old college roommate:)

T said...

Don't forget to print a shirt that says "shower naked"... I might buy that one!

and the From a Distance song is now stuck in my head - thanks Heidi :)

April said...

You had me at mango cheesecake.....I'm sorry, did I miss anything else?

I am LoW said...

Nudity already sells. :)

I don't think a nudie and a non-nudie relationships can work. I believe one would have to convert to the other way OR else YOU WILL have PARTIALLY NUDE babies running around! :-O

Melanie J said...

We were in Nice, France which is actually not so Nice. It's a long and winding beach full of topless ladies. Interestingly enough, it quit being interesting at all after about five minutes.

SWIRL said...

CRASH... when are you coming home...?? We are all out of eggs and onions!?!

Just teasing.
You guys are good sports, or find so many things sporting....
I don't think I can stomach any more nudity than what is already running around in my house.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Thanks for the laugh! I needed it today. Nudity is just funny, isn't it? In general, it isn't very sexy or appealing. We all just revert to being giggling 10 year olds.

Were your boys like giggling 10 year olds or were they horrified that they were looking at naked people with their mom?

nevadanista said...

Awesome post!!!

You always make me laugh. You know there's been a naked craze the last few years. There have been all the 'naked' t-shirts of course, and then the shows like 'The Naked Chef', 'The Naked Archaeologist', and now the kid band 'The Naked Brothers Band'. Maybe it's time for 'The PDNFAD BYU EPS (English Professor Show)'. Or at least 'The PDNFAD BYU EPB (blog)'.

Amanda said...

Mango cheesecake? YUM!!! Oh yeah, nudity...glad your vacation has picked up since the ferry trip :) I love the term "inter-apparel relationship" very clever!

Add me to the thanking/cursing Heidi list as I can only hear Bette midler, right now.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Good morning everyone. It's morning for me. I slept in until 8:30am OMGOSH!!!!!!!

Jen, I'm proud of you for taking a major break from the kitchen. I'm also excited you have found your virtual twin in Pat. I think you should change your profile pic now. Open your mouth and scream and then have your husband snap a picture.

So about the nudies. GREAT NEWS! I'm not such a dummy afterall, I found my downloading cord thingiemajig and I caught lots of fabulous shots of the PDN(FAD) boogie boarding and paddle balling. I guess it would be in poor taste to post nudie shots on my blog. I might have to figure out how to do black dots so it's nasty partial nudity rather than hilarious full monty nudity.

The clog naked imagery (and other various naked imagery you guys have implanted in my little brain cracked me up. I have a new idea for a t-shirt. How about Blog Naked!

Okay, I have a funny story about how my kids reacted to the PDN(FAD) and how I tried to stammer my way around it and how they are throwing my life lessons back in my face, but I may have to wait until to tomorrow's post to tell it. I want to play today (and sleep) (and eat Mango cheesecake and chocolate raisins).

Stephen, Ewwww. Emily, hee hee BOYS! Ewwww

OBG, if you show your nudie photos I'll show mine.

Cajoh, ha h I like the tatoo idea. hee hee A tatoo that said Hang Loose would be way funnier than a t-shirt.

Kristina P. You are sooooo lucky!

Melanie, I was in Nice once too and YUCK-O. The only women I saw topless were over 65. And those big rocks aren't very comfortable to lay on. And you're so right about the fascination thing. That's why partial nudity is nastier than real nudity.

T I like the Shower Naked t-shirt idea a lot. ha hah ahahaha let's make one for Barbaloot. And what a good idea to shower naked. Wish I had thought of that years ago.

Okay, my MIL is profusely and prolifically scattering her words around my brain as I type this and I can't concentrate anymore.

Have a nice day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope David Santos comments today and congratulates me and tells me I'm brilliant.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Alyson, my boys were not as much like giggling 10 year olds as I was. They thought it was all very gross and nasty. hee hee. They have PDN issues. (Unless they are the nudies.)

April said...

This also reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry dates a nudist...and he finds out there are some situations that just aren't appealing. I'm sorry, butt, I'd have to go with the PN (partial nudity)....I would be the one following everyone around and disinfecting every piece of furniture. EWWWWW!

Mariko said...

I love the inter-apparel relationships comment. You are AMAZING.
So I went to an Onsen for the first time last summer. Luckily there were same sex sides of the spring. I am still disturbed that I had to be naked for it. I asked my friend a million times if it was too weird to wear a bathing suit. Apparently that would make me weirder than bathing naked with a bunch of Japanese women.

iMaLLheaRt said...

Hello!! I found your blog through Mariko's and reading your comment about me and her looking like twins! I just wanted to say hi!!

Susan said...

Oh YES... If I lose my job next month I say my next business venture will include nudity, porn, or sex... it all sells!! Make the shirts!!!

Tiffany said...

Super duper funny!!!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Mariko, I went to a bath house in Korea. It was me and one of my former students. When we got in there and saw all the beautiful naked Korean women, we totally chickened out. You have to set boundaries as a teacher. One being your students should never see you naked. I draw the same boundaries with my husband.

Heidi Ashworth said...

bbwwaahhhaaahhhhhaaaaaa! (Oh, I probably shouldn't laugh in the vicinity of your line-drawn husband.)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

how in the WORLD did I miss a nudie post? The only reason i saw this post is you mentioned it in the above post...

I swear I checked my reader...I'm going to have to call google and complain...because if I ain't gettin your stuff I'm totally switching to another reader and they won't get my business any longer...

Ya Hear that GOOGLE!!!

anyway...I'm okay with really IN SHAPE people being naked...but everyone else should buy one of your soon to be selling off the rack t-shirts, and PRETEND nudity not actually ever do it!

beth at aunties said...

I am glad I found your wonderfully entertaining blog, from the Islands. I too needed the laugh♥

I am totally with you about the PDN
(FAD) and it has only happened to us while in Hawaii. Our family laughed so hard as a group of Men tourists from Japan were running up the street with their bikini thongs on trying to catch a bus. They all LOOKED buck naked although they had to have some sort of cloth in the front which we couldn't see.
We still laugh about all the bum jiggling and that was a few years ago.

Crash, Nice to meet you!

Natalie said...
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