The best thing about vacationing is chilling out.
When you start to chill you start to feel. And when you start to feel you start to spill. Your guts. About all the things you feel as you chill. Like love. And gratitude. And nudity.
I'm feeling the love and gratitude big time--for my kids, my husband, my IL's, my M, my siblings, my neighbors, my friends, romans, countrymen . . . AND for all my blogging buddies.
The only thing I'm not feeling yet is the Christmas spirit, so I'm going to lay here and drain my brain until I feel like getting up and shopping.
As your brain drains you have a lot of empty space to fill with brilliant ideas. I can't tell you how many brilliant ideas I've had since I've been overdosing on sleep and television and squeaky French string beans.
The first brilliant idea came to me at 8:20 a.m. I was just laying in bed sleeping and thinking about sleeping and dreaming about sleeping. My whole life seemed to be surrounded by sleeping. It was like I was consumed with it. I was captivated by it. I was completely compelled to sleep. That's when it hit me. How good I am it it. It's my gift. And it's my responsibility to share my gift to help all the exhausted women in the world. I know you are all sleep deprived and fatigued. Let me help you. Let me sleep for you. Tell me how many hours you need and give me your credit card number and I am so there for you.
I can eat for you too. Not to brag, but I am a skilled calorie consumer. Tell me what you want me to eat and I will eat it.
And if you're cold or snowed in or weathering a harsh storm, I can get some sun for you. There is no sense in me hogging all the sun and the sleep and the mango cheesecake. There's enough to go around the whole bloggernacle twice and back.
Seriously, for only $9.95 a month, I will do anything for my friends. And if you call within the next 30 minutes I'll throw in a free book light.
I got that idea from an infomercial for shoe skirts. (Have you ever seen a shoe skirt? It's a shoe rack and a bedskirt combined. I kid you NOT! How stupid/smart is that? I wonder if the stupid smart girl has one.)
I've gotten some rather brilliant ideas from t.v. over the past few days. Did you know there is a show called Extreme Logging. YAWN! Who cares about extreme logging.
But Extreme Blogging . . . now there's a reality show with a lot of potential, don't you think? Real women blogging their brains out. Kristina P., our favorite comment whore, could be the sassy host. Funny Farmer could do the Blog Management for Dummies spot. Then every Labor Day we could do a Blogathon to raise money for Nie Nie. We could play Rocky music while we train, but instead of drinking raw eggs we could drink raw cake batter since it's basically raw eggs anyway. We could get sponsers--$1 for every post and 10 cents for every comment.
Wow! So much empty space in my head right now, it's scary.
Guess what fills my head when it's empty, besides brilliant ideas. Nudity.
Weird, huh? I'm suddenly apparel-aware. I realize I have apparel issues. When you're on vacation in Maui you become acutely aware of your inter-apparel biases and proclivities. I may not be guilty of PDN (public display of nudity) or PN (partial nudity) but I am an OA offender. OA = over apparel. I wear too much. Think about it. OA can be as awkward in public as PN and PDN.
Maybe, to be fair (and politically correct), I should change my t-shirt line from Stupid Party Naked Shirts to Stupid Party Partially Naked Shirts and then create another line called Stupid Party Fully Clothed Shirts. (You'll have to read the last post to get that.)
"Shower Fully Clothed" and "Boogie Board Fully Clothed" could be big sellers.
And for those of you who want to know if I covered my boys eyes when we happened upon the nude beach . . . of course not! They didn't even notice the nudies. They were down here looking for crabs.
I had to scream and shout "HEY GUYS! COME'ERE! Come and look at all these naked people!"
They were like, "ewww, gross, that's nasty!"
They were like, "ewww, gross, that's nasty!"
I had to keep telling them over and over that nudity is natural (and funny).
Then today when one son got steaming mad because another son pantsed him in the pool in front of a bunch of ladies, I said "That is NOT appropriate!" The other two sons, who weren't steaming mad said "I thought you said it was NATURAL! (AND FUNNY).
That's my boys!
P.S. You guys have to check out my cousin Sewl's funny entry in Shelle's Don't You Hate It When contest. It's way funnier than Ovaltine, I promise.