Yep. I lieth not.
I'm in the middle of the ocean with WiFi. How's that for space age?
We just started the voyage so I'm not sick yet, but I'll keep you posted play by play, gag by gag.
And you're also welcome for all the hard work I've been doing for you. I hope you appreciate all the sun I've been soaking up for you and all the naps I've been taking for you and all the fat boy ice cream sandwhiches I've been consuming for you and all the games shows I've been watching for you. I know you didn't ask me to watch any games shows for you. I just did that out of the goodness of my heart because I"m thoughtful that way.
But back to the play by play. I've got the patch stuck behind my ear and I swallowed 5 ginger pills and I've been eating soda crackers like they're corn on the cob and guzzling Sprite like I'm a frat brat. Plus I've got my sweatshirt over my head and I'm curled up in a ball with the ethernet cable stuck in my ear. Which means I'm actually blogging my brains out with my eyes closed. I'm that good. And look ma, NO HANDS! Wahoo!
I wonder if the super ferry has a suggestion box? I would suggest that instead of broadcasting ESPN they broadcast old episodes of Gilligan's Island. It seems more practical. Plus, don't you think it would add some comic relief, plus an element of fear? Plus it would generate ideas about how too cope if we ourselves get stranded on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. I wouldn't need the ideas because I have a place to live already, but it might help my IL's figure out what they would do if they got stranded. I'm just thinking of others, as usual, which is all I've been doing this entire vacation.
That's probably why I feel so worn out. Thinking of others can take a lot out of a dummy.
I'm really going to miss Maui. Of course I'm going to miss the nudity and the partial nudity, (although not the mermaid nudity) but I'm mostly going to miss the Game Show Network. Maui has the best Game Show Network. And the hard core water pressure of the condo shower. Maui has the best hard core water pressure too. It was a bit startling at first, when it ripped off my top layer of my skin, but once I accepted that I don't actually need my epidermis I've been able to chillax and enjoy the long hot showers.
I've learned so much in Maui too. Especially from my MIL. I've learned that some things are so nice they should be said twice. Like "Oh my goodness!" Goodness is much too sweet to be said just once. If you ever spread goodness around, please double the pleasure for everyone within earshot. In fact just go ahead and say everything twice. Especially if your DIL is pretending not to hear you.
But if your DIL has her eyes closed and her hands over her ears and she's repeating "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!" over and over, then I highly recommend shutting your trap ASAP!
Regrets? I've had a few. I wish we hadn't brought the kitchen sink. We didn't even use it. I wish we had brought my daughter instead. We would have used her more. But life is all about choices and sometimes you have to learn the hard way.
Needless to say, I can hardly wait to see my daughter, but I could care less if I ever see my kitchen sink again.
It just goes to show that things aren't people too. Lesson learned.
I know you wish I would ramble on aimlessly like this all day, but my battery is dying and I don't want my post to get stranded in the middle of the Pacific Ocean so I'm going to go ahead and bid a fond aloha oe to ya'll and a fond aloha oe to Maui.
But before I bid my fond aloha oe, can I just say one more thing about my BBFF, Lisa the Funny Farmer. Don't tell her this, but she's really getting on my nerves. She keeps doubting my credibility. She has no faith in me. She's now demanding signs that I exist and that I exist in Maui amongst all the under dressed people of the world.
If I were God, I would have struck her down a long time ago. But I'm not God so I will show her a sign. Tomorrow. When I have more battery! (Signs take a lot of battery, you know.)
Aloha Oe, everyone.
Aloha Oe, Maui.
P.S. I think all the soda crackers and ginger pills worked cause I'm not BMBO at all!