Maui WOWIE!

Before I tell you about my day I need to clarify something.  I don't mind sleeping for you and eating for you and getting some sun for you, but I absolutely will NOT be able to exercise for you. 

Sorry guys.  I hope you're not mad at me. 

 

I should have made it clear that for only $9.95 a month I will do ALMOST anything for my friends.  

And friends, I must confess that all these brilliant ideas I've had while chilling in Maui are beginning to take their toll on me. I'm so busy sleeping for all of you that I barely have time to make the cake batter for the blog-a-thon or design my stupid party-partially-naked-and-fully-clothed-t-shirts-and-tatoos.    

Actually, after what happened today, I don't even want to make those t-shirts and tatoos anymore. 

I had another nudity encounter.  I mean, WE had another nudity encounter.  

This time it was WAY worse because it was not FAD (from a distance) it was WCP (within close proximity) and it wasn't funny at all because it was a Hawaiian tropic super duper model and she was UBER beautiful and UBER liberated as she sat on the shoreline meditating and doing all sorts of sunshine serenades.  

She wasn't totally nude, just nude from the top of her long dark hair to her hip bones.  From her hip bones down she was sporting a flimsy, flowy, filmy sarong which made her look like a mystical mermaid as she dove into the water like Ariel minus the coconut bra.  

GAWKWARD!  

Hawaiian tropic mystical mermaids PD-ing their PN are like EM.  

Translation:  HTMM's publicly displaying their partial nudity are like eye magnets.  

I would say eye candy, but I just don't feel like it.  

So my boys were doing some synchronized snorkeling at the time  and I was hoping they wouldn't notice, but when they popped out of the water . . . SURPRISE!  

Yea, they noticed, since she was kinda invading our space.  

They were like "Ooooh nasty!"  which isn't exactly the same thing as  "Ewwww nasty!" 

This time I just couldn't bring myself to give them the nudity is natural (and funny) speech.  

Then one of my twins said "Maui WOWIE!"  

And no, he didn't think of that himself.  He plagiarized that line from his dad.  MmmmHmmm.  

And then his dad (notice, I didn't say my husband) said "Take a picture!" 

I know I've boasted before about how obedient I am, but I lied, okay.  I WAS NOT ABOUT to take a picture of THAT.  I'm already feeling insecure about my OAI (over-apparel issues). 

So yea, I'm feeling like a prudish overdressed old lady right now. 

To make matters worse . . . there was no public restroom at the beach park.  There are no public restrooms on Maui.  And I'm a prudish overdressed old lady who can't go 4 hours straight without a trip to the old ladies room.   

I really wanted to drive down the road to look for an old ladies room, but I couldn't just up and leave all the men in my life to stare themselves silly at the naked HTMM eye candy.  

You know what I'm talking about right, ladies?  Right Stephen? Right Cajoh?  Right OBG? (Don't answer that, any of you, you hear me?)

So I held my horses. 

Here's a picture:  

 

Here I am faking a smile and holding my horses and feeling insecure about my over apparel, even though I'm sporting my new I-wanna-be-your-cowgirl hat and acting like I'm chillaxing.

Notice my son's face. This is my son who inspires my trademark "hee hee" laugh. He's actually saying "hee hee" as this photo is being snapped.  I know you can hear it because I know you know I know you know what he's looking at.

So FINALLY the lovely HTMM makes her spectacular exit and I dash truly, madly, deeply for the car and drive about 5 miles up the road until I finally find an outhouse which I enthusiastically embrace. But in my careless gleeful haste somehow the car keys, our life line on Maui, escape from my fingers and descend in the general direction of outer darkness.

Imagine my HORROR! Imagine me trying to explain myself to my husband and IL's and children. 

Imagine me not being able to explain myself to my husband and IL's and children because in my haste to dash away dash away dash away all I didn't bring a cell phone to call them to explain myself to them.  

Imagine the whole lot of us walking along the highway 20 miles back to the condo up hill both ways in the snow. 

Imagine me plugging my nose and sticking my hand into outer darkness in a desperate housewife attempt to retrieve the car keys so my husband wouldn't spend the whole night wishing he was married to an UBER beautiful partially naked mermaid. 

Imagine all of this racing through my brain as in   .  .  .  s l o w     m o t i o n    

I close my legs .  .  .

and the keys get caught in my knickers.

HALLELUJAH for clothes!

Can I get an AMEN!

P.S.  My cousin Sewl (Emily) is in the finals at Shelle's.  Go vote for her!  A vote for Sewl is a vote for Cewl. 

P.S.S.  Miss Heidi thinks I didn't post yesterday, but I did! I did!  Miss Heidi, look down there? Right below the comment box.  If you didn't read yesterday's post, (or the day before's) you might not get this post.  

P.S.S.S.  Miss Heidi, I'm reading your book in between the naps and the nudity and I'm loving it.