We listened to talk radio all the way to town, so today's post is going to be about all the things I recently learned from talk radio, plus a few things I learned last night from going to dinner with my husband's co-workers and consuming 5 times the legal limit in cheese. (And shame on us we drove home while still under the influence of ricotta.)
Did you know that this country is in a recession?
I seriously could not tell from all the heavy traffic and the overflowing parking lots at the mall and the uber long lines at Macy's (SOMEONE SMACK ME!)
Did you know that the only difference between a recession and a depression is that a recession is when everyone else loses their jobs and a depression is when YOU lose your job?
I totally thought a depression was when the country finally picked up it's prescription from France for Prozac.
Did you know that since Prop 8, Mormon jokes are the new Polock Jokes?
How can you tell the mother-of-the-bride at a Mormon wedding?
She's the pregnant one.
Har har har. That's so old school. Whoever wrote that joke doesn't know modern Mormon mommies very well. Everyone knows the only way you can tell the mother-of-the-bride at a Mormon wedding is by the invisible red thread criss-crossing across the room forever connecting her to her destiny.
How do you keep a Mormon from drinking your beer?
Make sure there are at least two other Mormon's in the room.
Snicker snicker. Now that one's funny. And true.
How do you keep a Mormon mommy from drinking your beer?
Just get her pregnant.
Hee Hee (I made that one up.)
(You wanna know why I always say hee hee? Because that's the exact sound my cute son makes when he laughs.)
Okay, one more did you know.
Did you know that Santa Claus is a fraud? I've had my suspicions, but it was confirmed at the elementary school Christmas program.
Check this out.
Santa's got guts. Literally. And they're made out of BYU-Hawaii pillow.
Take a closer look:
DUDE! He must have been backstage with Mrs. Santa elfing himself silly cause he looks a little discombobulated.
P.S. Today while I was shopping I got a rush of Christmas spirit over a single $100 purchase. It was for my twelve year old son. You will never never never never never never never never never be able to guess what it is and I CAN'T believe I bought it. Even my husband was stunned. I'm afraid to tell you because all of my neighbors will over hear me and then they'll think I'm insane.
I'll send a whole case of caramacs to the first person who can guess what it is. But cross my heart, hope to die, NO ONE ever will.