Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Capital ROTFLingOL

I'd like to thank Shelle for the wonderful surprise party she threw for me in her comment box, and also for dragging my good name through the mud.

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but realistically speaking, (realistic being my native language) what doesn't kill you usually cripples you for life.

Isn't it ironic that what takes a lifetime to build can be destroyed faster than your friends can yell, SURPRISE! (Someone should hold that thought then send it to Alanis Morissette.)

But no worries, Shelle. And no hard feelings (or caramacs). It's all good.

And just to prove I'm cool with it I'm going to write a Don't You Hate it When post, even though it's not Monday and that contest . . . let's just say, been there, done that.

So if I can have your undivided attention, please:

Don't you hate it when you order the new Panormous pizza from Pizza Hut for your class party, but when you go to pick it up they haven't even started baking it yet because they DON'T KNOW HOW. No one ever taught them. So you're like Uhhhhhhh . . . can you deliver it to my classroom because I gotta bolt. And they're like . . . Uhhhhhhh . . . I guess so.

But by the time you finish paying for the pizza plus their training to learn how to make the pizza, you've got 2 minutes to get to class.

You dash to campus and, thank gosh almighty, there's one parking space left just outside your classroom, but it's a tight squeeze because BYU-H put the stalls on the Atkins diet and they each lost at least 24 inches.

Do you take the spot and barely make it to class or do you park a few blocks away and hoof it in the rain?

You take the risk and you squeeze you're sleek little Mormon mini-van in between two oversized gaz guzzlers. It's a perfect fit. Only when you open your door, you can't get out. You simply can't. Even when you suck in your gut and squeeze. It just won't happen. But you try. And you try. In true desperado style you try.

It doesn't take a genius to realize this may be a vasaline moment.

Finally you wiggle and wedge your way back into the car and hike up your skirt (a little more) and swing your legs across the passenger seat and over the bags of soda and paper cups and the coolor of ice and the mound of freshly graded research papers. Within minutes you are free.

But you are late.

Then SUDDENLY, just as you are filling your arms with bags and coolers and research papers, you see your class out of the corner of your eye. Their faces are pressed to the large naked windows overlooking the parking lot.

Is that smiles on their faces?

Nope. Nope it's not smiles. It's capital LOL's.

They are capital ROTFLingOL at you.

Yea, I hate it when that happens!


Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...


Now can someone tell me why I am awake at 2:22 in the morning?????

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OMGosh Sewl! You don't have to wait up for me to post. hee hee ;)

What a sweet cousin!

Anjeny said...

You are too hilarious, I love the vaseline part. I was totally ROTFLOL with your class.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Great I hate it when story, but it could have been better if somehow your skirt went up over your head while you were trying to get out of the car, flashing the whole class.
And where are their manners. No one ran to your aid? Where was Wolfgang? I hope you docked their papers 5 pts each for laughing at their respected leader. Kids these days. Sheesh.

Mariko said...

I love making a fool of myself in front of my students, but only if it's ON PURPOSE. Otherwise there is no laughing aloud! Hee hee.
I'm so glad I'm in your time zone. Like I said at Shelle's surprise party, there ain't no way ya got some college kids to write this stuff.

I am LoW said...

But.... you can't blame them for ROTFLOLing, can you?! hahaha!!! Too funny!

georgie said...

I am not even one of your students and I am ROTFLingOL @ you does that count?

Melanie J said...

Some people quit eating fast food because it's bad for them. Not me. I quit because it seemed like every time I went it was dummy (no offense) training day and it made me angry. Like Hulk angry. I maybe have anger management issues. But I don't eat fries much anymore.

Word verifier: chnesti. When your push up bra shoves your bustline up to make a little shelf for you chin.

Kristina P. said...

Oh, Crash, you always make my morning.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Oh, man, I wish I had been one of those naked students, er, students at the naked window (hysterical post!)

Alyson (New England Living) said...

I bet Wolfgang was the ringleader of the laughing out loud party. What a freak!

Bizarro situation with the pizza though. I hope you didn't give those ungrateful, little laughing s.o.b's any!

I haven't seen you around my place lately. And I thought you really liked spam, well, an awful lot. Here I stockpiled a whole lot of spam for you in my pantry and you never showed up! I guess I'll have to feed it to the dogs. Not that we have any. Neighborhood dogs perhaps? I don't know. I'll figure it out.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OMGOSH! I'll be right over Alyson. I LOVE SPAM! ALOT!

SWIRL said...

I'm signing up to be a student next semester! I hope my professor is as entertaining!

Martha said...

Hey I don't remember it raining at all yesterday. Maybe it only showered on campus.

T said...

heck yeah - if BYU had been this entertaining the first time around I might've kept going until I had a degree

ermmm, prob'ly not though - hubby seemed to think that being together while he finished up at another school was more important!

nevadanista said...

Did you ever get the pizza? The story would be even more fun if they never delivered it.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said... totally spanked me on your blog...I'm SORRY okay...didn't realize my Subliminal messages would work...but I totally tried to make up for it on my blog.

I can't believe I'm not getting the caramacs I have a line of people waiting to see when they get in my mail box and I just had to yell at them that they weren't coming and I had half of them storm my front door and DEMAND caramacs or else they were going over to your BYU-Hawaii campus and parking in all the stalls so NO mini-van could use them...I told them not to do that because they might miss the "Brittany" you allegedly pulled!

LOL...I SO wish I could've seen that whole Don't You Hate It When episode LIVE...

Hey at least you have a new devoted fan to your site...Kritta22.

Are we really going to get together in the summer? I'm all up for it! :)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hi Everyone! Guess what! Lo is my Facebook friend now. YAY!

Martha, I posted this yesterday so it was yesterday's yesterday. It did rain/mist on Tuesday, remember.

Nevadanista, the Pizza did get delivered, sorry. I love how you guys try to make my story funnier than it already is after I already made it funnier than it already was. We should all get together and write funny sitcoms. I could invite my students since I give them extra credit to write all my posts anyway.

t, the mysterious past BYU-H student. Hmmm. When did you come? Cause I've been here for years and years and years and years. I bet we were roomates.

Shelle, I hope you enjoyed that spanking. Isn't it funny how people believe everything YOU say, but nothing that I say. Anyway, I wasn't scared. Only the guilty taketh the truth to be hard. The guilty never taketh the lies to be hard.

OMGOSH, YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS! My verifier is refusing to show me the word. How am I going to get out of here?

HA! I just Kung Fu Panda'd my way past the WV. hee hee

The Crash Test Dummy said...

And did you guys check out Melanie's new profile pic? Holy Glam! Same facial expression, different face! I think Shauna gave her a makeover.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

WOW! Lo is super hot on Facebook!

Sandi said...

I am also a previous BYUH student - betcha didn't know that.

Jen said...

Love the visual. And those little, tiny parking spaces. Did that make you feel stronger too?

And like I always say, there's nothing like a little public humiliation from the proffessor to get college students ROTFLingOL. Hilarious.

Mariko said...

Crash, you are totally slacking. It is not fair to make me check your site 10 times and not write a new post. You've got us addicted, now give us our fix.
Thanks for the shirt by the way. I may have to lose 10 pounds to fit in it, especially because I just ate 10 cookies.
10! 10! 10!