Friday, January 16, 2009


I'm so excited about our road trip across America. Can't wait to blog my brains out in all 49 states. (Or is it 50?) And can't wait to watch you guys jog your booties off.

Melanie J. had a great idea to create a Blog-Across-America soundtrack so I've started compiling songs. Feel free to drop your favorite song in my B/JAA Suggestion box. Also feel free to read MJ's blog. She's hitting her stride and the last 2 posts have left me ROTFLOL.

(NO pressure, MJ.) She's very ironical, btw (I know you know I know ironical ain't a word, but my husband likes it so I humor him. Plus MJ hates made up words so I like to bug her.)

So I've been thinking about the road trip a lot. We should probably have a theme and a motto and an objective and an agenda and an opening prayer.

Or should we just HIT THE OPEN ROAD and see what happens?

If we want to make a million bucks we'll need some CONFLICT on the road. Every good story needs conflict, otherwise people start smiling (and then yawning). Nothing spells lucrative like a good fist fight between friends.

Any volunteers?

We'll also need to meet some weird people. Nothing's funnier than laughing and pointing at weird people.

Any volunteers?

We'll also need to do some good deeds (for our personal progress)--open our hearts now and then and spill the contents.

Maybe you guys could pick up trash as you jog and I'll blog about it. We could clean up America.

Any volunteers?

And we should recycle all of our Code Red Mt. Dew bottles.

Is anyone writing this down?

Oh, I am. (sorry!)

Could someone please TURN THE MUSIC OFF FOR A SECOND! I'm tualkin' here!!!!


Okay hows about we stop by places and visit people--like sick people and stuff. We could sing to them. Or we could sing them to us. Either way.

We could start with Robin since she had surgery this week and April since she had radiation. We'd have to abide by her rules of engagement though. (No sharing whipped cream out of the can.) But we can share our Code Red.

Then we could go see our imaginary friend who's on bed rest. Oh, and Tamn--she's on bed rest too. Hey, we could paint their toenails for them since they can't reach.

Then we could go see Jen and Annie's mom and Pat's mom/Lisa's MIL because they have breast cancer. We could tie little pink ribbons all over the trees in their front yards. And we could leave homemade herbal bath soaks on their porches then doorbell ditch and run.

It's going to be so much fun!

Can we stop by my mom's house first, because it's her birthday today. I want to show her the purple tie dye yellow submarine. In fact I put Purple Rain on the side bar just for her birthday so everyone go turn on Purple Rain right now and I'll tell you a little story.

She loves it when I tell this story. She goes bright red and then runs from the room in tears.

After my dad died, the movie, Purple Rain saved her sanity. You know how everyone has their own way of carrying their buckets? Well Prince helped her carry her bucket so I get choked up when I hear Purple Rain.

THANKS Artist-formerly-known-as-Prince-who-is-now-known-as-Prince-again-I-think. We really needed our mom to be sane!

Don't tell her I told you this, but she even went to a Prince concert in L.A. with her sister. She's uber cool like that.

Could you guys leave her some cake in my comment box? And if it's not too much trouble, her favorite is the chocolate cake from IKEA.

After the road trip is over and we collect the million dollars from all the famous sponsors let's go visit NieNie and then leave the million dollars on her doorstep and run. Wouldn't that be hilarious? Especially if it was all in $1 bills.

If you don't know Nie Nie and her sad story, click here. And then click on this cute button:

I do know NieNie.

Well, I don't know her, but I know her sister, Paige and her brother, Steve. I went to high school with them and they are the nicest people in the world. I've been trying to figure out ways to help them for a long time now, but the only thing I'm good at is writing so I wrote and now I've got a story in this cleverish book:

Thanks to Sue, who put all the cleverish stories together, all the proceeds will go to the NieNie recovery fund.

Everyone, let's go buy 1,000 copies each and we'll go door to door across America and sell them. (Annie you can pull them in your little red wagon.) Or we could just leave them in people's cars or on the bus or in our hotel rooms and hope they fall into the hands of someone who needs a good laugh.

The book only costs $19.60. (How odd is that?) And if you order within the next 20 minutes I will throw in a free hymn book.

Mahalo everyone! Can't wait to smack you around on the road trip and then blog about it.

p.s. Do you have a headache, Lisa?


Jami said...

How's about "Ease on Down the Road"? (If we're doing 80s.)

MJ is very funny. I hate to iron, but I do like irony.


I'm not good at fist fights, but I do swear fluently. Will that work? I can also be moody and inflexible.

I'll point and laugh at the weird people, but if they point and laugh at me, I'll get moody and inflexible.

Would the trash we pick up be the same people as the ones we point and laugh at? That could be awkward.

You can still get Code Red in BOTTLES? The little ones? Luky!

Gotta go! (I'm with Lisa. My head's beginning to hurt.)

Happy Birthday, Mother of Crash! Have some angel cake!

T said...

I was having so much fun listening to "always look on the bright side of life..." that I almost forgot to comment!

What we REALLY need is a film crew - though I'm not willing to go all reality TV and vote off bloggers each week... maybe just a few challenges to keep the viewers appeased while we pick up trash and recycle your bottles!

Happy Birthday to the Mom!

T said...

"funtater"... - your verifier says that we should probably organize our route to stop at as many fast food places with playlands as possible (sorry Sue and Becky - it's the verifier, not me... I'M being SUPPORTIVE!)

Heidi Ashworth said...

I see you are still having trouble unloading that hymn book. Give it to my mom, she'll lose it in three seconds like any number (meaning: all) of her own. Happy Birthday to your mom and I wish her a piece of Costco chocolate cake b/c it's BETTER than Ikea's. Oh yeah! They serve it in the cafeteria at the Oakland temple, so . . . clearly. . . I'm right.

April said...

I can contribute by breaking out in a rash when we come near stupid people. I am allergic to them you know! That way I can be like a geiger counter for stupid people. When we need drama, we can strap me to the hood of the van and I will find you a stupid person. Pinky swear!

How about If I Had A Million Dollars by Bare Naked Ladies for our theme song?

Big hugs to Jen, Annie & Pat's mom and Lisa's MIL!! I wish them well (literally).

Happy Birthday Crash's mom!!! I brought some cake, but I don't think your mom should eat it Crash. I think if we turn out the lights it may glow in the dark!

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

Whoah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How did I miss the road trip idea. I was busy for like 2 days..that's it. I like it Ahhhhlot :)

Happy Birthday Aunt Sheila!!!

I am LoW said...

When you guys forget to pick me up on Forrests bench in Savannah, I'll hunt you all down and throw a tantrum, which will surely start an argument.... like, totally.

And I really wanna hear Jack and Diane...

And I totally pick up soda cans for recycling on my walks, so I'm all about it. (and have experience... if you need someone to be in charge?) :-)

Happy Birthday Crash's Momma!!!

And does it drive you nuts that I start sentences with and all the time? With your education in that area and all?

Barbaloot said...

Scissor Sisters-I Don't Feel Like Dancin' is a great running song. It kinda makes me feel like I need to dance/run---which makes me look really dorky. But if we all did it together...then we'd look even more dorky. Thus providing you with your need to point and laugh at weirdos. What fun!

Happy Birthday to your mama!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

So does that mean I'm NOT DJ? Since you guys are organizing the songs?

What EV!!!

Well at least put in the song "I've Got Friends in Low Places" by Garth Brooks at the end of the day when everyone is sore from jogging and exhausted from doing good deeds...

Okay i kid.

What about Run It by Chris Brown, or Born To Run by Bruce Springstein, or Livin in America by James Brown...

okay i'll stop for now.

I still vote ME to take pics...I mean you will need a photographer for the trip!

We need to vote on a Secretary to take notes at this meeting who should it be? amongst yourselves!

nevadanista said...

What if the shorts were like the yellow jersey in the Tour de France. Each day a fierce competition for the magic shorts would take place, with all kinds of alliances, drafting, good old fashioned chick back stabbing, and running related injuries. Lots of drama would be the result, with friendships on the brink, and some even ending. Each night the runners would read what you've blogged your brains out about in the purple tied dyed yellow submarine, and use the info to plot against each other. But a serious crisis, a huge bucket, is dropped into someones life unexpectedly, which you touchingly blog your brains out about, and then everyone realizes they've been real beotches, repents, helps carry the huge unexpected bucket, cries together - and best of all, everyone fits into the magic shorts at the finish line. Is there any usable plot in there anywhere?

nevadanista said...

And happy birthday to the mother of CTD! Enjoy your cake :)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh my goodness! There is definitely some great ideas and usable plots in there. I'm so excited.

And Shelle, of course YOU ARE THE DJ AND THE PHOTOGRAPHER. You and Alyson both. But you're still bringing your DJ speakers, right?

I'll get to putting those songs up. LO, I PUT JACK AND DIANE ON THIS MORNING! Silly goose.

Loving all the ideas and twisted plot lines. The drama and the goodness galore!

I'm seriously losing weight just thinking about it.

Kritta22 said...

I thought I won the hymn book!! Why do you keep giving away my present??

We could go visit Manic Mariah's grandma and see if she'll eat a tree so we can take a picture. I'd taste it if she did it first!!

Then we could go to Wyoming for a and exciting things ALWAYS happen at rodeos. My dad got throw in jail once AND then broke all his ribs and then the next one a bull got loose...all good times that we NEED to see!

If we go collect cans in CA or WI we get five cent back so we could make a million that way.

Can we add Hotel California cuz it's only the best travel song EVER.

Do I get to still ride my bike?

We could tie little pink ribbons in honor of all those with breast cancer everytime we stop. That wasy, too, we won't loose our way back! :)

Doncha Wannano said...

I have this mental image of a purple tie-dyed bus with crazy ladies hanging out the windows, waving their bras, and code red bottles dragging behind. I think I need to come along a supervise so everyone will be sure to buckle their safety belts.

And don't you worry, I will bring the easy cheese and crackers. (For some reason my fam always had easy cheese on road trips. Do they still make the stuff?)

Also I request Neil Diamonds, "They Coming to America." I'm listening to it now and it's making me tear up. *sniff*

Wendyburd1 said...

Okay where IS this suggestion box, I have some ones I love to drive to!

Haynsy said...

If you're stopping in the Seattle area you need to play:

Bang A Gong, Get It On by T. Rex

The song makes no sense but it has a good beat and you can dance to it.

I'd give it a 95 Dick.

Melanie J said...

I think we should load some Violent Femmes onto the iPod, just because the band name itself works, but specifically we could blare some "Blister in the Sun" or "I Like American Music." Or both, because it's a big country and I think we'll have time to listen to a lot of stuff. I think some Leona Lewis "Bleeding Love" should work and we could car dance the moves from the So You Think You Can Dance routine for that song. And I'm liking some of the new Jason Mraz stuff except he's trying to be Jack Johnson and since we've already got lots of JJ, we may not need Jason Mraz. Oh, and I like Journey. Actually, I think a selection of representative '80's hair band power ballads should make us all happy.

And I suggest staying away from Wyoming and rodeos. Last summer I was in a small corner of Wyoming for two hours and the driver of our mini-van lost her mind and followed a hand-painted road sign to a testicle festival. They make bulls into--not bulls? Anyway, I have a shirt to prove my story, so I can authoritatively NOT recommend it. Does anyone want my vulgar shirt? Where am I supposed to even wear that? Maybe anyone who misbehaves in the tie-dye submarine has to wear it as penance. It's pretty ugly. The shirt.

Oh, and I live near an IKEA and a Costco, so I can get your mom some IKEA cake but I agree that the Costco one is better. And apparently more spiritual.

Thanks for organizing this, Crash. I've been jonesing for a road trip.

nevadanista said...

Ooh, I love 'Blister in the Sun' Melanie J! And it reminded me of "Been Caught Stealing' by Jane's Addiction for some reason, which is a perfect song for CTD since she's always stealing wifi from BYU (but you didn't hear that from me).

And how about 'I'll Take You There' by the Staple Singers? CTD's takin' us there!

Youngblood4ever said...

I am totally volunteering to be the "weird person" you visit. I'm all about the weird! Have you met my family? We are all more than a little insane!

Do you have "These Boots are made for walking"? Not the Jessica Simpson version, which I think is total crap. Thought it would be good for a traveling blog.

Since I don't do so good with the soda, I will recycle my water bottles and juice boxes. Hey if I get enough caprisun containers I can make a lovely purse for you to enjoy on your trip!

Youngblood4ever said...

Oh ya, I forgot the chocolate cake for your mom- Happy b-day, Mom! Hope you enjoy your cake, I know I am!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hi guys! Loving all your ideas! And added all your songs. If they were on playlist, I added them.

WV says huncion. I have a huncion we're going to do a luncion at Olive Garden on this road trip.

I am LoW said...

Can I change mine to What a Wonderfulful World/Over The Rainbow by Iz Kaʻanoʻi Kamakawiwoʻole???

And can I sit here at your blog all day and listen to it over and over? ;-)

Mariko said...

Lovely day, Bill Withers
"Mr. Blue Sky" by E.L.O.

Oooo, Jami, we can have that movie playing on repeat for those people who are in the van.
Um, I have to call shotgun, because I get super nauseous, and no one wants to get between me and my bananas in the van, if you know what I mean.

Mariko said...

Wait a second here, I clicked on MJ's blog, and nothing came up. What's the dillyo?
It's not fair to take a perfectly good blog name like "thewritestuff" and not have anything up there. AND, the nickname MJ is totally not fair to take, because I've been trying to take that nickname for years (since I got married) and no one seems to want to call me that, which is annoying. Why can't you start your own nickname?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness!

MY BAD! (And My GAD!)

Sorry MJ. And sorry MJ2. Mariko, I'll call you HTMJ (Hoity Toity)

Sorry, girl. You can't make up your own nickname. I wish you could. I never would have chosen dizzy deb in high school.

springrose said...

I have been trying to find the CD of IZ that I am Low wrote about with Over the Rainbow and Wonderful Life combined. But when I search on Amazon they have no idea what I am talking about. Any idea where I can get one???!!! PLEASE help me, seriously LOVE this song! April over at

in time out said...

I totally love your blog. I think it needs a major award...hmmmm
i will be back!

Anjeny said...

I know I'm late but I got an idea for our theme. You know, since we will be blog/jogging across America we could write it on our submarine van

"Blogging is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you gonna blog about."

Of course, someone needs to write it in a way where it sounds like Forest, Forest Gump is saying it.

Whatcha think, huh huh huh?

As for the conflict part, I think Alyson and either the Hamster Chick or Shelle should volunteer, you know, they could spend the whole trip fighting over's that ladies?

**Ducks while she runs out of the comment box**

Sheesh, all that violence...LOL

Anjeny said...

**Ducks back in the comment box**

Happy Birthday Crash's MOM!!

Hey, how about one of the songs from Forrest Gump, can't remember the song but the one playing while he was jogging across the Nevada desert. Pls pretty pleeease?

Of course I know ur kids will suggest you play "Eye of the Tiger" too, to remember them by while you're pointing out crazies on the side of the road. LOL

lori said...

Um, can I come too? I'm pretty new to this whole blogging thing, but I love your blog and I promise I won't be any trouble (unless you want me to be :)) and it sounds like so much fun!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Anjeny I love the theme.

How about Life is like a blox of Choglates . . . hee hee

And there is no way in helk that I'm going to add Eye of the Tiger to my playlist.

But I'll check into the Forrest Gump song.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh Lori, welcome. Of course you can come. But I do want you to be trouble. hee hee

The world needs more trouble!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Okay I found the 3 songs that were playing when Forrest Gump was running through the desert. Against the Wind, Running on Empty and Go Your Own Way

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

OK I volunteer to be in charge of snacks, because we all know snacks make or break a road trip. And trust me as someone who has driven 20 hours in the car repeatedly to go home, I know about such things.

So that is good someone already voluteered about the easy cheese, for some reason I eat this in the car. We have to have twizzlers, peanut m&m's, doritos, pop tarts are a popular choice with my kids, animal crackers, pringles - barbeque or plain. We could also have some healthy choices like baby carrots or string cheese.

We have to stop by the cheese factory in Beaver UT to get ice cream and squeaky cheese. Just don't get a cholestrol test after eating that because it will be off the charts.

I can be a weird person with very little effort. You will need more than one.

And I am sure we could come up with some fake conflict for the camera's sake.

Sounds like fun.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OMGOSH, Pat! We ALWAYS stop at the cheese factory in Beaver on our way to St. George. HOW CRAZY!