Friday, January 2, 2009

Tamn Sweet Tamn

I went on a date last night with my very tired, patient husband. Just the two of us. Me and HIM. Alone. For 5 hours. We saw Austriala (but I'll tell you all about that tomorrow) and it totally put me in the mood for Luuuuurrrrve.

Soooo, come helk or highwater, I'm ready to start spreading it around like compost on the weeds.

And Tamn at Seriously, So Blessed is my first L-word recipient because, she's the one who taught me how to lurve. (Plus I stole that word from her, and I pinky promise I'll never use it again after this week because it's getting on my nerves.)

Tamn is one of favorite people. She's my inspeeration and like I always say, what the world needs now is Tamn sweet Tamn.

(The only thing that bugs me about Tamn is that she spells oober wrong. Isn't it uber?)

Part of sharing the lurve means saving people's souls and caring about their eternal salvation.

Lately I've noticed that Tamn is having some issues . . . with envy. We all know how hard it is to be pregnant with twins so I thought we could reach out to Tamn before she moves from implied vulgarity to in-your-face covetous profanity.

I decided to throw her a SURPRISE we-heart-you-slash-envy-you PARTY to cheer her up and help her recognize her individual worth.

Shhhhhhhhh, today is Tamn's surprise party. I hope you don't have any plans because you are all invited so don't go anywhere. Right now she's getting a pedi and I told her I was just going to run pick up a red-box movie and some diet coke then we'd come back here for a personal vay-cay.

She has no idea you're all waiting here to yell "SURPRISE, TAMN! We heart YOU. But we also ENVY you!!!!!!"

Don't you think it will soothe her soul just to know that she's not the only covetous person in the world. That hundreds of people envy her too?

So funny story. I told her I wanted to take her to lunch and just have a girls day heart to heart slash envy intervention. I suggested Olive Garden and Jamba Juice. She excessively encouraged me to take her to Cafe Rio and then for a fro yo + a pedi.

You guys would not believe how cute she is. I mean she is just as skinny and permadorable in real life as she is in blog life. And she's just as wicked funny. We talked and talked non-stop about Twilight and that smokin' hot vampire.

And then, while we were eating our pork salad, I secretly turned on my digital recorder to capture some of the cuteness of the conversation. I've transcribed it here for you if you care to eavesdrop:

Tamn, is it okay if I take your name in vain sometimes?

Whatever! I do it all the TAMN time.

Tamn, just between us, are you seriously so blessed or are you just saying that to make everybody laugh slash cry?

LOL sniffle LOL!! of COARSE i'm seriously so blessed.

She seriously said that. LOL. She doesn't laugh. She just says LOL. It's so precious. Then we started talking about her Photog biz and her Stampin' Up biz and her homemade jewelry biz and Lynzii came up. In case you didn't know, Lynzii is at the heart of her E.N.V.Y issues because Lynzii's way hotter and cooler and has already reached the sparkling Executive Sapphire level of her home biz.

So I said, "Have you ever thought of peer pressuring your Mia Maids into signing up under you for your home biz?"

I just did right now, I thought of that on my own right before you said that. But I don't "pressure," I "excessively encourage." Are you still in primary? Bummer.

Hello, she doesn't even know I'm in Relief Society. So then we started talking about Anthro. And, being the dummy that I am, I asked her if Anthro is short for Anthropology?

Her chin hit the table and she rolled her eyes and said, Pass.

I asked her if she's ever won a spelling bee?

Yes, for looks, not for spelling.

And finally we shared our New Years resolutions and I asked her what I could do to make 2009 a kick-A fairy tale year.

Keep an e-journal, grow your hair out, go off sugar and diet coke, vote your ILs off the island!


Here's the picture I took of your cute prego twin feti belly.

Hee Hee J/K everyone.

But I did take a picture of the present I bought for the surprise party.

A years supply of Prego.

She accidentally dropped in on our way out of Cafe Rio.

Tamn, feel free to hang out in my comment box with all of my super fun friends who heart slash envy you. We're gonna set up some Rock Band and sing Eye of the Tiger all day long while we spray ourselves silly with cans of whipped cream.

But before we begin the party, here's a smattering of envy to lift your spirits.

Kristina P says: TAMN, is what every modern righteous woman should strive to emulate. She is modest in both appearance and demeanor, never judges anyone unless they totally deserve it, only cares about the important things in life like iPhones and super cute pedis, and most importantly, she is the hottest pregnant woman on the planet. Here's to you TAMN, and your humble awesomeness.

My cousin Emily at Art-n-Sewl says: I love Tamn because she is the stupidest smart girl EVER!!! Her posts are hilarious and she is always spot on, if you know what I mean.

Shelle at BlokThoughts says: TAMNers...even though I say your name in vain on my blog...I still think you have the best advice for us girls and I follow it to a T...even though behind your back I ENVY your ab tight fetus belly!!!

Hope you transcend your envy soon. Just remember, YOU are POPULAR too!


Oh, and P.S. I dedicate this song to YOU!


Kristina P. said...

And I meant every word I said about TAMN. I have a poster of her on my wall, that I look at every time I leave my house, so I can remember WWTAMND?

Anonymous said...

Who is Tamn?

Just kidding.

♥georgie♥ said...

awwww a party i LOVE a party...
I am a fairly new TAMN reader I just told J-Dub not to eat yellow snow...yiyiyi

I ♥ slash envy you!!!

♥georgie♥ said...

I obviously meant JJWT...I will never stay up past midnight again i am still recovering
peace out!

Heidi Ashworth said...

Erm, was I not supposed to email my coment to you direct-like? Well, here it is then--TAMN has totally got it going over Lynzii b/c she has the way hot JJWT! No way no how does Lynzii have as hot a hubby as TAMN (at least you never mentioned it). So, take heart, girlfriend!

Melanie J said...

I learn the most from Tamn's creative lessons for Mia Maids. Right now I just have to sit and listen in boring old RS but one day when I have a REAL calling like in YW, I will use her ideas.

Jami said...

SUPRISE TAMN! That pic is SO FUNNY! (what's that little thing next to yer belly buton?)Yer still hot tho. TAMN you.

See the thing about you verses Lynzii-the-frenzy is that YOU are always thinking about other people. You R always helping the frumpish, and setting a good example and just well you know you never pressure people, you just you know encourage a lot. PLUS you R SO cute. Even with a twinful tum. I try not to let it get me down, but sometimes when I'm going to sleep I think I am NEVER going to be as hot as TAMN. And then I think about shoes. I can NEVER catch up. Then I think about how ROMANTIC your life is. Like when JJWT wrote LOVE YA on your hot dog in mustard. And how he's going to be a lawyer/dentist/biz-exec/doctor. You ARE SeRiOuSlY sO bLeSsEd!!!!!! You R such a inspearation! Rilly!

April said...

And hear I only wun speling bees because I could spell. SHEEESH! See how cute gurls ruin everything! And really cute girls are hysterical! Present company included!

Cameo said...

If she ends up seeing this she is going to kill you for this. Girl takes her copyright/branding stuff very seriously. Like, come after you in the middle of the night seriously.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

This is what I love about this blog, it feels like that old show laugh in. Which honestly I am not old enough to have watched very much, but I can kind of remember some of it. Anyway, I always laugh here, and it feels that the part of the show where everyone is behind a window and they pop out and make clever funny comments. So I lurve that. And you can bet your bibby on that.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Aloha everyone! How's the holiday celebration going? Are you parting like a rock star in 1999? They didn't party as hard as we do now in 2008.

Cameo, I hope Tamners doesn't kill me. Should I be afraid? I didn't make up any of her conversation. I got those words straight from her mouth. I pinky pink promise.

So Tamn, please don't kill me. I threw this party out of lurve and envy I promise. And I promise I'll never say lurve again since you have a patent on it.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

I love all your funny comments. But Jami's is stinkin' funniest today! Don't ya'll agree?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh and if I'm not here tomorrow, you'll know why!

I just had to get the 13th comment. For good luck.

Martha said...

I have to tell you that I'm a little envious myself, but of you. I try to return some eggs last night and you are out on a real live date after being gone all day to movies.

I, was stuck home putting away Christmas decor, my hubby was totally grounding everyone in sight for not helping enough. Can you say Crabby appleton. He even grounded J from playing bball with your hubby and B.A. who is the recruiter for BYUH. I always try to get J to play with B.A. so he can see J's skills and offer him a full ride scholarship in a couple of years. So J is stuck working for like 5 hours and I feel sorry for him because he's my pride and joy (as far as bball goes).

Then Z is out there scoring right and left and B.A. sees him and offers him a 4-year, full ride starting in 2015. For those of you who don't know. Z is Crash's twin son and he is incredible at bball. He can smoke anyone and he's only 12.

Then this morning I say to my hubby. Hey do you wanna do something tonight? I offer tons of suggestions (go to a movie ((he has free tickets)), dinnner, J's bball game.... anything). Nope, he doesn't want to, he just wants to play guitar. I give up!!!

That's why I'm envious of you.

Oh and as far as TAMN. Yeah I can relate to being prego with twins. It was the best time ever.

Seriously, so blessed! said...

YOU GUYS!!! i am so surprised! i am seriously crying! LOVE YOU TOO! THANX EVERYONE!! Crash I am seriously blushing so bad.

And guess what everybody, Crash's interview was conducted w/ my permission, and that pic is such a total fake (duh) but the quotes are legit. I'll post a belly pic soon so everyone can see how trim n slim. But seriously, w/ permission this is so fine and so fun and BAAAAAAAA!!

(just so you know, Crash and me's date happened before the new year, bc in the new year, I'm off diet coke)

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Ahh, Tamn sweet Tamn, what can I say? I'm too green with envy to tell you what I envy. DUH! Do you really tell a person you're jealous of why you're jealous?! Hell-o no!

Mariko said...

Ok, so I don't know TAMN that well so I feel a little left out. I did start reading her blog, and realized she was so famous though. Someone told me about her a while ago, and I totally didn't believe it.
The other thing I have to tell you guys is that Crash is actually a REAL as in not fictional person! I just saw her at the movie theater, possibly for the first time.
But wait, you just said you saw a movie last night?! You went to 2 movies in TWO DAYS?! WHAAAAAT!? I heart slash envy you too! (how the heck do you make those hearts georgie?)

Mariko said...

Oh, and did I mention the only reason I saw her was that I took responsibility for telling the movie theater people that the sound was out for "Bolt" and after that I decided to buy nachos and popcorn and soda, and after that had to tell the cashier that she charged me wrong because it's only $2.50 extra if you add nachos to a combo, and after that I decided to get salt on my popcorn at the condiment station? I never do any of those things, really. So it was totally DESTINY, people. Destiny.

T said...

Is this why there were a bunch of people in front of us at Cafe Rio who had to wait for them to kill a new pig to get some pork salad?


The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh Martha, I feel so bad for you. I heard Perry grounding everyone yesterday. I was yelling my lungs out too in the morning so I didn't judge.

I wish I would have invited you to go to the movies with us now. ReGreT! Yes, I saw two movies in two days. PARTY! And if you had come with me to the movies you would have seen Mariko too.

OH MY MARIKO sighting! I've been wondering when I was finally going to run into that girl. Then there she was at the movies with her silky hair and creamy skin. Mariko, if I had known you were going to be there I would have combed my hair instead of shoving a clip in my bangs so I don't look so much like a poodle. And Mariko, did you see my cute daughter and my cute ILs too!

And OMGOSH! Tamn, thanks for clearing that up and for not being mad at me. I'm thankful to be breathing still!

SWIRL said...

I was having blogger/google issues today and couldn't log in! I can't believe I missed the surprise party!

YOu rock- as usual CRASH-( in a hungry like a wolf - kind of way)

very funny. Sorry I missed it!
(osigh...seriously is my verifier..
O-sigh.. missed the party.)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh Swirl, so glad you finally showed up. I was worried about you. Better late than never.

Hey, what's your caramel popcorn recipe again?

Hee hee. I just realized I can check your blog! DUH!


I am LoW said...

That's it, I am totally throwing a surprise party for Mel Gibson on my blog, like, tomorrow!

nevadanista said...

Actually the 'u' in the word uber should have umlauts over it, which are those two little dots. You can do a 'u' with umlauts by using this html code next time - ü

Maybe it won't show the code though when I post it, we'll see. I feel so über smart telling you about that! Please try to impress people with it in an upcoming post.

I totally have TAMN ad revenue envy, that's for sure!

And thanks for sharing the lurve in my comment box :)

nevadanista said...

As I suspected, it didn't show the code. Here it is, only put it all together without spaces.

& # 2 5 2 ;

Mariko said...

Oh, I see your cute daughter like every day. I say "like" because sometimes she skips school.
And I realized right AFTER I was done being star struck by your bangs that I should have looked more closely at your IL's, to tell if I could sense their Office hatred through their faces.
Dang it. I glimpsed them. But couldn't pick them out of a crowd. But don't worry, 'cause I couldn't pick my own Japanese grandparents out of a crowd either. Is that mean? Ooops. My bad.

Blogging Mama said...

I haven't met Tamn yet but after this fun post I will have to go check her out. She sounds awfully funny and darn preggo cute to boot!

Motherboard said...

Gosh Crash! You are the nicest RS president ever! Doing your churchly duties-- across the ocean-- to help a sister feel happy! You rock the blogging world-- handing out the lurve like that.

I mean, what would we ALL do without TAMN, and her words of wisdom? They are almost better than those other words of wisdom.