Thursday, January 15, 2009

My Brilliant (million dollar) Idea(s)

Oh my goodness, oh my goodness! I am feeling extremely blogged down (and blogged up too) since I didn't unload all my extra thoughts yesterday.

The first thing I have to get off my chest is that I'm sad because one of my favorite authors died on Sunday.  I was lucky enough to interview and photograph him a few summers back in Fiji. Click here for my photo tribute.

I'm also sad because I think I need to start getting over the whole Jack Johnson thing.  It's too time consuming to listen to him sing as he walks toward me and then wraps his arm around me.

(But do you guys want to know what it feels like when Jack Johnson wraps his arm around you? Do you? Do you? Do you?) 

It feels like the universe is giving you a ginormous wink. 

Thanks Universe!  LY

So remember the other day when I saw Jack Johnson?   Do you remember how before I saw him I told my husband I was going to get a brilliant idea? And remember how before I saw him I had on the magical skimmer shorts that Martha bought for me at  

Well I did have a brilliant idea that day.  Two brilliant ideas actually.  

My first brilliant idea was to start a sisterhood.  Kinda like a Ya Ya sisterhood of the traveling pants, but ours will be the Sha Ka sisterhood of the traveling shorts.  

We will send the magical shorts around the world to each other.  When you receive the shorts you CAN'T slip them on until you light a candle, do the shaka sign, and say hang loose 13 times--except Jami, who only has to say it 12 times because she's very superstitious.   

I pinky promis that while you are wearing the shorts, you will either get a brilliant idea, win a million dollars or have Jack Johnson wrap his arm around you.   

Best case scenario:  When Jack Johnson wraps his arm around you his creative power will supercharge your electrons which will then send nueronilogical impulses to your brain which will then induce the brilliant million dollar idea. 

That's how it happened for me anyway, so I can only speak for myself.  

Do you want to hear my brilliant million dollar idea?  

Roadies.  We become roadies.  We can start in California by renting a van down by the river which we will tie dye purple.  Or we could paint it to look like a yellow submarine.  Either one.  

We pick up Jami and Miss Heidi and Melanie J. and we start blogging across America.  We'll swing up and get Kritta22 in Alaska and Jen in Washington, then . . . 

No, wait!  Hows about we jog across America like Forrest Gump.  

OR . . . hows about you guys jog across America and I'll ride along side you in the yellow submarine and blog my brains out about it.  I can get photos of all you guys in your little running shorts.

We'll stop in Ideeho and pick the old boat guy to drive the submarine (so I can blog).  Then we'll go to the desert and pick up Pat and Nevadanistas and T and April and Shelle and Susan and Binks.  Then we'll move through Northern Utah like a storm, picking up everyone we know, except those who live in Provo.  In Provo we'll go from house to house poking everyone in the eye until they pinky promise to read me.  

We'll move through the entire united states until we get to Emily and Alyson.  Of course we should stop in New York City to watch Spamalot before we take our yellow submarine across the Atlantic to Germany where we'll pick up Blogging Mama.  We'll totally raid her closet before we make our final destination to the headbanger's house to see if he's really as happy as he claims to be.  

So who's in, guys?  

Just think of the stories we could tell?  Think of how much weight we/you could lose.  Annie Valentine could stop eating so much salami.  I will even donate my husband's Christmas bonus hymn book to the biggest loser. 

Think of the publicity!  Think of the fame and fortune and everything that goes with it--all the high adventure and the super hopeless romance.  

I'm seriously so pumped about it.  

Do you guys think Tamn would come?  We could blog about her labor and delivery and we could help her raise her twins in our van down by the river.

Okay, you guys keep brainstorming.  I Gotsta run!  Me ILs are moving back in tomorrow and for some reason they want clean sheets.  


P.S.  Today is my jack-apostate brother Stephen's birthday.  HB, JAStephen!  And LY!  

Please leave him some cake in my comment box.  

Do you want to see a picture of us when we were best buddies? 


Kristina P. said...

Do apostates deserve cake? Hmmmm. Happy birthday anyway, Stephen!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

The question is not whether they deserve to have it, it's whether they deserve to eat it too?

Jami said...

Happy-happy birthday, Stephen dear. Happy days come to you all year. If I had one wish then it would be a happy-happy birthday from you to me!

Have some german chocolate cake with yummy goo on top!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Happy birthday to Stephen! I love your idea, Crash. Only problem - Spamalot closed on Broadway. That's right, the curtain has gone down on all that spam and taunting frenchies.

I love your pictures, especially the last one with the flowers. You look like a little hippie, which is something that probably appealing to JJ since he's mellow like that.

wesley's mom said...

Are we tie dying the van or the river?

Either way I'm in, but I'm riding in the groovy van, not jogging Forrest Gump style.

Happy Birthday to your brother, and I say, apostate or not, on your birthday you get cake.

Jami said...

So...about these shorts...can I wear them on my head? Or maybe on my cankles? BTW, thanks for the exception for the evil number.

I'm in for the jog across America thing. If I don't die, maybe the shorts will fit me when we're done.

No TAMN. I'm unworthy to live out of a van down by the river with her.

And I'm currently not speaking to the universe. Did I win the blog makeover? I totally send my win a free blog makeover vibes out and the universe gave me a 50% discount. HELLO?!? Does the universe not speak English?!?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hee hee Jami. You are one snarky Mormon mommy. And make that a happy German chocolate cake.

Alyson, I'm SO DEPRESSED now about Spamalot! Blog across America is OFF if Spamalot isn't playing. Sorry guys!

Wesley's mom, let's tie dye the van IN the river. Great idea.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Wow! Look how good I'm keeping up with my comments today.

Stephen said...

Thanks Crash and friends.

You could weigh yourselves before you start running and all the way along the trip, to motivate all the readers to exercise and get healthy. Get an agent to schedule appointments with shows like oprah on the way.

I went to b-day lunch with mom today. She said you got dads talent to write.

Funny Farmer said...

Um. I missed the part where the roadie trip will make us millions. Could you explain that again?

Dude. It makes my head hurt when you cram two day's worth of your brainwaves into one post. Please, don't do that again anytime soon. Kay? Thanks. :P

Now I see where you all get your good looks. Them's a pair of handsome folks you gotcher self!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Funny Farmer, SHEESH, for a BBFF you're awful darn hard to please. The Million dollars will come from all the publicity and the reality tv show that follows. DUH! Either that or Tamn's ad revenue.

Stephen, no wonder Mom doesn't like to read me. hee hee j/k mom. (she's not reading this so no worries.)

Jami said...

Oh Stephen! I messed it up. I'm so sorry. I meant "to you from me!" least the cake's happy.

WV = bring

I am LoW said...

So wait a minute.... No stopping by to get ME?!?! I mean, I am IN THE TOWN where Forrest Gump was filmed. And you forgot me?!

SWIRL said...

You guys were adorable! And you is TOTALLY YOU.. but in baby form! I mean- you look the same! HOw can it be? Maybe Jack Johnson hugs have Benjamine Button type powers.. were it reverses your aging!?!? if so .. sign me up!

i haven't seen the movie by the way.. April said there was alot of S-X in it and we don't talk about that in our house...

April said...


Does your husband know about all these men in your life?

I KNEW IT!!! Stephen is the oldest just like me!!! That makes sense now!

Here's some cake for ya birthday boy! You'll have to grab the whip cream from Crash (if you can---the IL's are back!)

I am LoW said...

I'm off to bed, I tried to stay up for the partay. But Crash, in the morning, I am going to Forrest's park bench and I'm waiting..... :)

Heidi Ashworth said...

I'm all for the van trip across America (despite the demise of Spamalot) but only if I don't have to drive and we bring the Big Guy so The Spouse doesn't have a hernia having to take care of all three of my crazy kiddos on his lonesome and if I have constant internet access via IV. Oh, and a never ending supply of m&m's--green only (b/c that's what the rock stars ask for. I have no idea why. Honest. I am completely naive about these things.)(Did I say "honest"?)

nevadanista said...

How did you know I always wanted to be a roadie? I just hope my planter fasciitis kicks in right away so I can blog my brains out in the sub with you - and take pictures - with Alyson's camera though, because it's better than mine.

Happy Birthday Stephen! I happen to know lots of jack apostates and people who pretend to be jack apostates. I LOVE them all!!! Have a great day :)

Oh, whose roadies are we going to be? Jacks?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Wait, Lo! Wait! We'll pick you up on the bench. Make sure you have a box of chocolates with you. I can't believe I didn't mention you because OF COURSE a road trip wouldn't be a road trip without you.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hee hee Heidi. You're killing me tonight. Is your husband fun? I hope he's not a party pooper. I was going to say NO BOYS ALLOWED (except for the boring old boat guy).

Nevandanists, YAY! I don't know who's roadies we'll be. Whoever we find. We'll just start stalking. Pat can be our stalking coordinator.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh, guess why I actually came by?

I wanted to say goodbye in case I'm off the air for a bit. Rumor has it there is a huge wind storm heading our way. All the schools are closed tomorrow TAMMIT! We just got the kids back to school on Tuesday! HELL-O!

Anyway, in case power goes out and internet gets disconnected and I have to blog my brains out in my van in the parking lot down by the river, I wanted to say LY everyone! Can't wait for the road trip!

Funny Farmer said...

I call shotgun! Since I have one, it's appropriate, don't you think?

Tie yourself down dearie! Hoping you and all your island friends escape damage in the storm. :fingers crossed:

Alyson (New England Living) said...

In the interest of full disclosure, Spamalot doesn't close until Sunday. But I highly doubt we could jog across America and get to Broadway by Sunday.

So, in the wise words of Maxwell Smart, "you missed it by that much".

So said...

You wouldn't even have to poke me in the eye to get me to read. I pinky promise.

Happy birthday Stephen! I'm giving you a red velvet cake that looks like an armadillo. Yum!

Sandi said...

I think someone had too much code red. Don't blow away!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Goodie gumdrop, I get to be the stalking coordinator. It is something I have dreamed of all my life.

And Funny Farmer I suppose you should have darn I'm too late.

Maybe instead of a van tye dyed purple, we should get a party bus. With all WiFi access.

This sounds like the most fun thing ever. Count me in!!!!

Happy Birthday Stephen.

nevadanista said...

So are you going to be enjoying The Office with your IL tonight? I think they're gonna like this one ;-)

T said...

Happy birthday to Stephen

We can just put on our own Spamalot as a part of Blog across America - What part does the Old Boat Guy want?

Kritta22 said...

Happy Birthday stephen!!

Kritta22 said...

Can we see Wicked and maybe Phantom of the Opera too? Ya know, since Spamalot is out.

Can I ride my bike?

How about I meet you in Seattle? It's the same distance from Anchorage to Seattle as it is from Seattle to Dallas Tx, cutting through SLC. It doesn't look that far, but it is.

I agree...I'm gonna have to wear the shorts at the end of the trip or just on my cankles. You decide.

Kritta22 said...

PS who's winning the million that lotto style cuz I can't play...but maybe we could have a Crash's team How Wants to Be a Millionaire to win. SOund good....or maybe we could just ask Ken that won Jeopardy awhile ago while we are in Utah. .....unless he paid it to tithing.

Melanie J said...

May I please be in charge of our audio book selection? And who's in charge of the road trip soundtrack? I don't mind all Jack Johnson, all the time, but I thought I'd throw it out there.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OMGOSH! OMGOSH! Everyone hold your horses. Stop what you're doing. Extra, Extra, Read all about it.

I have my first reader from P.R.O.V.O! I'm even on her blogroll. It's SO! I mean it's really So, as in her name is So.

Praise the Lard!

Only 39 to go and I can quit teaching.

No wind here yet.

Melanie J. that is a fabulous idea. Everyone tell me your favorite song and I'll make our road trip soundtrack. THANKS Mel.

We'll split the million, k guys. Kritta you meet us in Seattle on your bike. hee hee We'll race you.

Mariko said...

This is going to be a crowded van. And even if I'm not invited, I will be chasing you.
Sooooo, I guess you left out the important fact that we will all be leaving our husbands, because there's no way they'd just let us leave for a year (or more-- depending on the book deal) without their fortune cookies.

R Max said...

I can jog. If you don't make me wear shorts.

And what's up with the word verification thingie??

"go germ" ???

I swear that thing is out to get me.

Jen said...

I'm IN! But only if I don't have to jog. And don't have to wear running shorts. And get to ride shotgun. (Fine, I suppose I could share shotgun. But only for three miles every three hundred. And that's my final offer).

And who knew little CTD's were so cute? And their brothers. (There. That was Stephen's cake. I meant it, so I hope he liked it).

Martha said...

Do you think my shorts are magic too? You know I got some just like the ones I gave you, except a tad bigger size. I only wore mine that one evening. I wore them to the twins' bball game. They must work, cuz our team won and Nan made 10 points. They didn't seem to do anything for Jim however. Maybe they only work for girls. I need to wear them again.

Make sure you tell everyone they are skimmer shorts and totally past the knee and in standards.

So you think you wanna go on a submarine? I was sure you'd take the SuperFerry.

I was digging the pic of Darren checking out the PVC pipes of the Fijian guy.

You mom looks just like you and T. A lot.

da Wolfi said...

I'm up to losing some weight, but I'm not in for jogging! but I agree that you would make a great story out of it, only if its a love story and they have conflicts that are caused by their morals. ;) Ohh how I miss being in your class!!!

I am LoW said...

I would like for Jack and Diane by John COugar Mellencamp in the soundtrack.

And I am willing to job across country. Heck, I'll even sprint. Just don't forget to pick me up!

WV- prepause- must I?

I am LoW said...

Okay.... I'll job across country or jog. Either way. It's about the same if you ask me.

Blogging Mama said...

I'm totally up for some traveling shorts moments and some travel. We could get a cool VW bus once you land over here or one of those hideous Espace things (but it is fun to say your driving an E-Space isn't it?) I have to warn you you'd blow the diets on chocolates, bratwurst and fried potatoes here but hey you can just run extra right?

Anyway, let me know when you blow through and I'll be sure to have all my clothes washed and hung up, ripe for the picking :)


springrose said...

oK, So I have been lurking via wixomzoo, and with 5 kido's 8 and under, I am all for the jogging accross the country. I live in Idaho so when you pick up Old Boat Guy you can just swing by Nampa and pick me up too! Please, pritty please with a cherry or chocolate on top. I'll cook!
Maybe, I will fit into the shorts halfway across the country. Unless we find some really great chocolate, then there is no hope for me!
Also Happy Birthday Stephen, we are all God's children reguardless if we are trying to play the prodigal son part! April

♥georgie♥ said...

dont forget Oklahoma...I wanna go I wanna go...

T said...

I was just comment peeking - but when the word verification says "banter" you don't IGNORE it!!!

ummm... how's the weather? Good thing we're all jogging across the country, that's the only way I'm going to fit into the same size shorts as some of these cute young things...

Oh, I hope that's enough banter to appease the verifier gads

nevadanista said...

I think 'I've Been Everywhere' by Johnny Cash should be the last song on the soundtrack :)

Barbaloot said...

So offended---I like some Provo people! How about we just poke the eyes of Provo people I don't like?

And you can only take pictures of me in my running shorts from my right side. That's my rock-star side.

nevadanista said...

Oh, and '3x5' by John Mayer. I just might keep adding songs - k?

val of the south said...

The wv really is spookie - mine is scali and I'm from southern california recently transplanted to Utah and I miss it somethin' fierce!

When people ask where I moved from, I'm going to tell them scali!

I'm in when you swing through Utah!

The Wixom Zoo said...

Hey, since you're coming to Idaho anyway, can you swing by and pick me up? I promise I'll provide a little bit of Frankie the cow for everyone to eat for lunch...he tastes really good, btw. Plus, if I come with you maybe I'll get to lose enough poundage that I'll be able to buckle the airplane seatbelt when I go to England. Please, please puh-lease?!?!?!

Anjeny said...

Hey wait!! Crash you're taking off and leaving your island buddies behind...NO FAIR!!!
Well, I guess since ur Austrian student is all for it, I guess we can use him to doggie paddle or take us on his surf to catch up with the submarine. Do you think he's a fast swimmer and will he mind some island stalker hanging on to his back while he's surfing to catch up with ya? LOL
I love the photos in were one hot tamale...still are, mind you.

April said...


HELLO!!! I'm still waiting to hear what it feels like when JJ wraps his arms around you!!! DUH!!!!!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hi Everyone! NO WIND! But still NO SCHOOL! UGH! Anjeny, are you dying or what?

Anjeny of course I wouldn't leave Hawaii without you and Swirl and Mariko. We need some sass, girl. Although Mariko may not be able to come because she's worried about her husband's fortune cookies. But she doesn't even have walls in her house so he doesn't need fortune cookies anyway. hee hee (That was all in code, btw)

Wixom we'll drop by the zoo and Georgie we'll definitely stop in Oklahomey. And Springrose we got you down too.

R Max, I tell my veriifer to say that to all the newcomers to see if they've got the stomach to stick around.

Martha, yes, I'm sure your shorts are magic too.

DID YOU GUYS HEAR THE GOOD NEWS? Wofgang is coming on our roadtrip. Awesome party! Hope you guys aren't too starstruck, though and get all quiet and self conscious and ask dumb questions.

Barbaloot, Mariah Carey has a rock star side too. Have you ever noticed that?

April, I did mention that when Jack Johnson wraps his arm around you it's like the universe is giving you a ginormous wink. That's code for, it feels really warm and snuggly and tingly and famous. It feels like you're in high school all over again, without all the drama and pimples.

Barbaloot said...

Crash--who do you think gave Mariah the idea to have a Rock Star side?

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Stephen...I'll buy you that Chocolate cake from Costco...because it HAS to be against my religion it is SOOOO WICKED!!! :) can pick me up, but I will take the pictures from the VW bus...because it would be hard to run and take photos...even though on YES man they had a class specifically for that...I just don't think I would be that good at it!

And plus...YOU KNOW I hate to jog...every pounding foot that eats up the gravel...I hate it!

I could also be the DJ to the party...I would bring a long my IPOD and make sure I had it hooked up to some GREAT speakers so we could BLAST our way across the Country!

Binks actually lives in we would have to travel south to her after we picked up Alyson and Emily...but we can figure out details later!!!

Word Verifier says, "CONDO"'s playing with my emotions right now, because even a CONDO would be nice to have since I'm sharing my parent's house!!!

Love ya Laters! loL!

Anjeny said...

LOL@dying. The thought of doggie paddling after a submarine can sure stop the heart for a bit.
How're you enjoying having the kids home on a supposedly stormy-day-that's-sunny? I can't believe this, kids were in school only three days this week after all this break, darn it. I guess I jinx it with all that cheering I was doing...oh well.

Anjeny said...

Oh btw...Happy belated birthday, Stephen.

Did I mention your parents are one "hot" looking couple. You are totally blessed with good genes.

IWA said...

THe last thing i saw on here is that you met JJ.... I really didnt look at any of you comments to see if he stopped be... but im sure you would have blogged about it! But I was thinking.. wouldnt it be funny if JJ had a blog and blogged about meeting you and Dolly LOL! I would have love to read that! ;)

But anyways... JJ and I went to high school together.. I didnt really know him... but he was in my math class and I swear one day he copied one of my answers so he could turn his homework in! Back then he was just known as a surfer dude!

Love this entry... you are a crack up!

IWA said...

PS... My daughter is doing fine... Im sure if you heard the story from my mother, she made it way more dramatic then it really was!

But it was all my mothers fault.. i take no resonsibility, all her fault! Lol!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OMGosh Iwa! I can't believe JJ "borrowed" an answer from YOU! You're so lucky! And I'm sure he planned on giving it back. When I go on tour with him I'll remind him to give it back, especially because math makes you humble. (YES, I just read your adorable blog. I'm going to have to mention you sometime, you know!)

Everyone this is IWA--pronounced EVE UH. She was my first 1st counselor. She's da bomb. She's got 8 more years until her mid-life crisis. At least that's what it says on her blog. That must mean you're 32. Mine was over by 32 so I was lucky.

I can't believe you found me here through some random girl at BYU-H. I'm glad you did though.

Mariko said...

Sorry Crash, 32 is not mid life. Not in my book.
Anyway, it's even better now, 'cause we're house sitting for the Grahams and the bed they designated is way too small for us, so he sleeps on the couch.
I'm wearing your shirt right now. It makes me look hot. Really. I could definitely wear it while jogging, as long as you let me eat all the carbs I want.

binks said...

Schnikes, always a day late and a dollar short.
Seriously need a vacation, so I am in.
Since I am a dollar short, can I borrow a few of your million?

Oh no, the WV is "sterof" is that an omen?