Saturday, January 10, 2009

Say What You Need to Say

I can say what I need to say in 28 minutes.

I can because I have to.

And I have to because 28 minutes is all I got before I promised I would take the Christmas tree down. (Should I be embarrassed that it's still up?)

I couldn't take the Christmas tree down earlier today because I have been so uber busy playing matchmaker for all the single socks living under my roof. I can't trust my husband to match them up because he condones inter-racial sock relationships and that goes against my moral footwear code.

I also attended three basketball games and a soccer game, of which Jack Johnson was not present, even though I brought my camera this time.

Bummer, I know. I really wanted to run my song idea by him.

I keep telling everyone I'm not going to take the tree down until I get the Christmas spirit, but I think I'm lying. I think I've just been in a blog fog.

I think. But I can't be sure.

Besides, after my Truth or Dare Retreat I actually did get the Christmas spirit. Seriously, the door to my heart cracked open a bit and I can feel the extra love flowing in and out.

It's a little frightening. I want to squish my kids everytime I see them. And I gave my husband a kiss on the forehead while he was sleeping. I kept staring at him and thinking what a fabulous person he is and how lucky I am.

When I kissed him he flinched and said, "That was freaky."

But the down side to love is being afeared. Of losing them all. My eyes fill to the brim when I think on it. Usually my heart is a really good door slammer, but it's like there's something in the way now.

Did you guys put your foot in my door?

Now I only have 19 minutes to say what I need to say.

The first thing I need to say is I'm just about to make my 10,000th hit. YAY! Only 990,000 more to reach my goal.

To celebrate I was trying to think of something I could give away. I was going to give my favorite smell in the whole world--Cherry Blossom Bath and Body Works because I'm pretty much out anyway so I wouldn't miss it, but my husband was like, "uuuuhhhh, NO!"

Then I thought why not give away my Christmas bonus? My new hymn book. My husband got one too and who need two hymn books? Who even needs one hymn book?

So I asked my husband where my hymn book was and he said, "You didn't get a hymn book. You're adjunct faculty, remember?"

I must have looked confused because then he said, "Remember you don't get retirement savings or employer matching or hymn books?"

And I said, "But I wrote on my blog that I got a hymnbook." And he said "Well, you must have lied because you didn't get one."

And I said, "Well, can I give away YOUR Christmas bonus hymn book then?"

And he said "DEFINITELY!"

So, YAY! I'm giving away my husband's Christmas bonus hymn book to my 10,000th hitter. YOU could be the proud owner.

But you have to be able to do a round off back hand spring back layout in my comment box too.

You don't get nothing for nothing, you know.

I also need to say thanks to Youngblood4ever for translating my ancient Chinese secret message from the universe. Apparently it said, Stop looking on the ceiling for messages from the universe.

That is really deep.

I also need to say thank you for all that you shared with me and each other during the retreat both in my comment box and via email. It touched me and I can't stop pondering it. I'm even drafting a letter about it to my favorite therapist Ask Liz @ She's Got Fluid. She is so much more qualified to give advice than I am. All I can think of to say is HUGS! and LY! and Sorry Charlie!

You guys can ask her ANYTHING. She's da bomb at AMAZING advice.

During the retreat I also found my first offical CTD Dairies Social Worker, Robin from Serenity Now. I'm going to call her Dr. Robin because she is also da bomb at giving compassionate/comforting words of wisdom.

(I also need to say that there are some dangerous "S" words out there. Silence can be golden, but when it's mixed with shame it can be damaging.)

(Silence + Shame = Secrets and secrets keep us isolated and lonely.)

(Silence + Shame + (s.e.x. abuse) = SADNESS! This is what my letter to Ask Liz is about and I can't talk about it in less than 4 minutes, but can I just say, LY to those of U who have suffered from S+S+SA=S.)


A moment of silence . . .

Sigh . . .

Times up!


Kristina P. said...

Wow, I really want your husband's hymnbook. I will have to comment a lot, I guess.

I am LoW said...

It's my foot. And I wear a size 9 1/2 WIDE WIDTH!!

I love your blog more and more every day. And I am so glad I learned to stay up til midnight to get in on the action. :-)

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Congrats on the hits. That is impressive. But what is even more impressive is how you are helping us all carry our buckets. Or empty them or fill them if that is what we need.
I know what you mean about the Christmas spirit thing. I never got it this year either. Oh well there is always next year.

Hope you get the answers you need.

April said...

I think what is stuck is some whipped cream....that cures almost anything!

But so does carrying each other's makes mine feel less heavy.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Sometimes I think blogging is probably a big waste of time. I don't really believe it but there's that little voice that says "they never talked about blogging in primary" which makes me think it might be not be on the list of things that are super important. THEN something akin to what you are talking about here will happen to me--something I said in a comment or even on my post made a difference (um, a good one) (I thought I should clarify) and I am just filled with such gratitude that I had the privilege of being a helping hand to someone else and it makes me think that blogging is just about the only thing worth doing. I realize it is somewhere in between, yet, it confuses me on a fairly regular basis. What I am trying to say (I think) is that I'm very glad you blog!

robin said...

Dr. Robin (hahaha) says don't worry about still having your tree up at the beginning of January. Why I remember my first Christmas after I was married and living in Provo that I was so busy with school that my tree was still up well into February. When a member of the Relief Society presidency offered to help me take it down I knew it was time to set my books aside for a few minutes and get it down. (it still took me two more weeks after her offer though)

Jami said...

You're still coming by right? I'm awaiting your deep thinking thoughts.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

You are an awesome bucket-carrier, Crash. The reason you are is because you simply listen and open your heart. LY!

Jen said...

Wow, you said a lot. And when you're done with your Christmas tree would you please come take mine down? I would, but I'm WAY too busy reading a good book.

(I wouldn't even be HERE if I wasn't supposed to be looking up the Sunday School lesson someone asked me to teach tomorrow. Can you tell that I'm really good at getting right to the things I should be doing?)

Jami said...

I hate to take Kristina's hymnbook, but I also feel the urge to comment repeatedly and tell you that I love your blog and I love your commenters and I seriously love the fact that you're fun when you're serious. And I fully love the fact that you help empty people's buckets. Notice how I'm resisting my baser instincts and am limiting my crazy comment quantiy to two.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

But I don't see anyone doing round off back hand springs?

How bad do you want that hymn book? hmmmmmm?

Love your blog too Lo.

NHC, I have heard so many people say that this year about the Christmas spirit. I think he was spending all his time at Lo's and Alyson's.

April, YAY for whipped cream. Did you see my apostate brother wrote about you today.

Heidi, I TOTALLY understand everything you just said. Why does cleanliness have to be next to godliness? Why can't it be blogliness is next to Godliness?

Jami, I stopped by. Did you see? I love your new J profile pic. How cute.

Robin, I like Dr. Robin because of Dr. Phil's wife. hee hee.

I'm so glad to hear others struggle to take their tree down too. Jen, hope the book is goooooood. I totally understand exactly what you mean about getting right down to business.

In fact, aren't I s'pose to be doing something right now? hmmm. What was it again

Kritta22 said...

Can I have your hymnbook?

I just got called as the new head piano.organist for sacrament and I don't have a book.

Our church book store is closed for maintetance or something dumb. Yes we only have one.

So if I'm not your lucky number, I'm going to have to'borrow' one for the sacrament meeting room tomorrow. I might even mark in it. Do you think I will go to Hell for that or just the terrestial?

Kritta22 said...

Oh ps I still have my tree up too. And it's been up since the middle of November. I think I will be lonely without it.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

I'm soooo glad that church is now at 12:30, so I can be here on a Saturday night at 1:21 without being worried about being a zombie tomorrow.

Kritta22 said...

Oh going to read your bro's blog to read about our April. I feel like we are all extended family now!

Kritta22 said...

I'm glad you are here to Alyson....did you know that I am a lurker on your blog?

I always want to say something but don't wanna sound stupid cuz I think you are soooo cool!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

One of the pluses (of many) of having a real tree, people, is that you have to take it down right away. None of this keeping it up through January. Nothing sadder than a Christmas tree up on MLK day.

Kritta22 said...

I'm not saying that Crash or anyone else isn't as cool, it's just I don't wanna sound dumb to you cuz your cuz with Shelle and hommies with everyone else!

Totally lame I know!

Word Ver: colordo...that's where I was born plus an A.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Kritta! You silly girl! I'm so UNCOOL, it's not even funny. I love looking at your blog too.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Just ask my 11 year old, she'll tell you just how uncool I am. :)

Kritta22 said...

Whatever! But now that we have met on here...I promise I'll comment on your page.

It's like if you meet people at the grocery store plus church, then you are friends!

Kritta22 said...

You totally don't look old enough to have an eleven year old.

T said...

Did Heidi suggest that blogging isn't "gasp" IMPORTANT - I think what she really meant to say is that I should teach my primary kids about blogging!

I'll be working on a good comment round off back hand-spring... just in case :)

Kritta's a Colorado girl? Ummm... I was going to say "me too" but then I remembered I was actually born in California... oops, it's hard to remember things from when you're not speaking yet :) I did grow up mostly in Colorado, does that count?

Alyson (New England Living) said...

I like your analogy. Funny! Yay to more blogging buddies. :)

Kritta22 said...

What are you guys callings?

I totally think that growing up there counts...where abouts?

Alyson (New England Living) said...

I thought Kritta was from Alaska.

Oh, and I had my daughter young, Kritta. Well, not crazy young, but younger than most, especially younger than most New Englander women. Not crazy young in the mormon world though.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

I was just released from being a primary teacher. YAHOOOOOO!!!! Been in primary for 10 years. Kinda over it, for now. Just called to enrichment committee. Back to the land of grown-ups.

Kritta22 said...

Alyson- I live in Alaska right now. My hubby is in the Air force.

I was born in Colorado. moved seven times before my second birthday because my dad was a miner...I lived in AZ, WY and CO...all over!

Then my dad got a job at Boeing in Washington, Seattle area and grew up there until I went to college in Spokane WA.

Then I married my hubby, moved to Texas for 6 months and now alaska. We leave here in August to our next adventure...we don't know where yet though.

Kritta22 said...

I'm the Enrichment LEADER!! We should share ideas!!!

Kritta22 said...

Ten years in are a superhero!!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

How exciting! Hope you go somewhere cool.

Where did Crash run off to?

Why do I have to be on such a later time zone than everyone else? I'm so getting drowsy.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Oh cool! I was just barely called so I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing. Do you like the calling?

April said...

I did see that he wrote about me today....that was so nice!!! Everybody here is so nice...that makes me a nicer person even when I'm cut off by a rude driver! My rashes around stupid people aren't so bad any more. I guess that's what love can do for a person!

I must admit, that I lurk around Alyson's site too....hehehehe....I am intimidated by a lot of people!

Now he is my rounded off back handspring.....BANG!!!! Oh man...right into the wall!

impress= self expanatory (all you women and men impress me!)

Kritta22 said...

Sorry my internet stopped working...

Yes I really like the's like a party planner with it cenered around the church!!

Kritta22 said...

Oh no...April is bleeding!!

Kritta22 said...

See Crash you ask us to jump through a hoop and this is what you get!!

Here April...I got a band-aid!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Ahhhh! April! Quick! Somebody get her a tourniquet!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Ok, it's 2am here, people! Church isn't until 12:30, but I do have 4 kids to get ready in the morning (unless they cancel church due to the snowstorm). LY, everyone!

Heidi Ashworth said...

Yes, T, you're right! And since I am primary secretary, I'll do the same. Crash, I'm glad to hear that you get what I said--now I have to go back and read it so I can get what you said about what I said. Still waiting for that brain transplant . . . meanwhile, is this a blog or a chat room? Word verifier: neenest. That must mean something but I can't for the life of me think what.

April said...

I'm ok....I'm ok....if I could just borrow one of Heidi's fancy band aids.....wooooo.... I've never been good at anything that involves my feet leaving the floor.

Kritta22 said...

I'M glad you are okay April! I agree with you...feet stay on the ground.

T- Primary are a superstar too!

Annie Valentine said...

Okay, I didn't understand how the retreat worked. My sister informed me that it was some kind of live party and I totally blew it. I hate that. I love parties. So wrong.

If I win the hymnal, please send it to the Moscow University Second Ward. I accidentally stole one of theirs nine years ago.

Blogging Mama said...

Funny post, love that your hubby said it was freaky you kissed him. That was funny.

I don't think I'll win your book (or your husbands book as the case may be) but love the blog. You make me laugh.

Anjeny said...

I came in here helk-bent on winning your hymn book, I was gonna tell a really sad sob story about how much I want your hymn book, then I realize that being a chorister I can grab any hymn book on the stand so I don't want your book anymore and then seeing how your hubby is so absolutely in agreeable mood for you give away his hymn book, I decided I want it again, then I thought again, my other calling in Primary asked for the children songbook so I totally do NOT need your hymn book, absolutely so I thought maybe you could be so kind and generous enough to give away your other book, you know, the one where Miss Heidi wrote but then that would be really cruel to ask that of you. Oh yeah, I just put my Christmas tree down two days ago after pacing back and forth in front of it twenty times a day wondering where was I when Christmas came and went.
Is that enough round off back hand spring back layout for you? LOL

I am LoW said...

Can I have my daughter do the round off back hand spring, in my place? She's the gymnast in the family. :)

I JUST took down my tree Monday. I always forget how much faster it is than putting it up, to I put it off.

And Heidi- blogging has totally been mentioned on, makes it officially a good thing, to use as a missionary tool, so it read! Yay! Totally validated blogging, IMO. :-)

nevadanista said...

*observing moment of silence*

You've filled your beach with buckets so beautifully, and with just the right amount of humor thrown in - ILY

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Oh my GOSH...I was totally a Gymnast until I was the age of lie!

I haven't tried one of those for a VERY long time...but here we go...I haven't EVEN warmed up!

Round off, Back Handspring...aaaahhhh CRAP...I think I just pulled my stomach muscles...SHOOOT!

MAY DAY...MAY DAY...I need Dr. WHOMEVER SARAH or ABBEY or LAURA over here NOW...

I thought my kids did a number on me...they had nothing on THAT...I'm in SO much BLOG pain right now!

I am now typing telepathically to dim the pain I am in.

Since I I get to be put in for the Hymn BOok that your blessed husband got for his bonus? And if I win...can I also donate it the Moscow University Second Ward to absolve Annie of her sin? I'm here for people ya know? To save those that other wise can't save themselves!

I listened to the whole Say what you need to SAY song you have going on...let me just say...

I'm going to observe that MOMENT of silence now...I've exerted to much telepathical energy...

Kritta, Alyson...I love that you guys now are going to be COMMENT friends...we ALL really need to meet in person!

Apparently, we have a OLIVE GARDEN party going on in the summer when Crash comes to the guys are totally invited to the party! And anybody else that may read my LONG comment!

Is that okay Crash?

Oh right...observing silence now! (although technically telepaths are pretty silent since we speak through our mental channels...but whatev?)


Becky said...

Coming out of super lurk mode, I don't need your hymn book since we got one ourselves, but I did read an article in the Daily Herald (of course I live in Happy Valley) about a really old guy who was given a leather bound hymnal for Christmas among other things. (The article was not about gifts he got for Christmas, but mentioned it in it. ) It made me think this is the gift to give away. Good luck some lucky person who wins it!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Aloha Everyone!

Oh, sorry, didn't mean to interrupt Kritta and Alyson.

I was just worried about April. I heard a loud band in here. I shouldn't have asked you guys to do the round off back handspring. I should have asked for the best Yo Mama joke. And anyway my husband changed his mind about the hymn book, but THNX for trying.

hee hee hee.

Annie, WE totally MISSED you at the party. But thanks for confessing your sin about lifting the hymn book from the Moscow Second ward. Is that Moscow, Idaho or Moscow, Russia?

Just asking because postage is expensive these days.

Ha ha Anjeny. So cute. And HA HA HA HA Shelle. Girl, you crack me totally up. Did you know I was a gymnast too? Of course you did. We're twins.

Thanks Blogging Mama. I was so hoping someone would notice that was funny. That was a totally true story.

Thanks Nevadanista! YOU Are so heart warming.

Becky, YOU LIVE IN HAPPY VALLEY? You read the Daily Herald? Sooooooooo? Does that mean I have my very first lurker from PROVO? Please, please, please say yes. PALEEEEAAASE!

I know you're going to say no, so my heart is just going to go ahead and slam it's door right now.

Lo, you just gave me a great idea about the missionary work. THANKS!

robin said...

I can't believe that I have to live 4 hours and 20 minutes away from April so that I missed seeing her do her round off back handspring. Frankly I thought only my other older sister could do that who actually TOOK gymnastics. Oh.... and that 4 hours and 20 minutes is MY driving time - not April's - she does the drive in much less time.

Sandi said...

I really liked reading what you had to say when accompanied by Jack Johnson---I know he doesn't have a song called say what you need to say, but still.
I want to know why Kristina P is always the first commenter? how does that happen? I want every single person here that has a blog to know that I am a lurker and need to be forgiven. I hope that who ever is the lucky winner of the prized hymn book is truly deserving and will treasure it always. And I want Miss Crash to know that next time we want a better prize!!!

Sandi said...

p.s. April your comment about not being talented in areas involving your feet leaving the floor made me laugh and laugh remembering that time that you and me and Traci tried to touch the ceiling at the Beary Merry Boutique....hahaha tooo funny!

Sandi said...

And now I can honestly say that I have said what I need to say. Amen

Mariko said...

I took gymnastics for 2 years and still cannot do a cartwheel. I think my body is defectively proportioned. That or I'm scared out of my mind to have only one limb on the floor.
Did I not read carefully enough? I can't figure out why s.e.x. is an acronym. I think you need at least 28 more minutes to say what you need to say. Doesn't your husband understand that trees can wait?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Sandi, am I sensing a slight hint of resentment about my song choice and my prize choice?

And Sandi, AMEN! (Was that Amen a hint that you want me to move on to the next post quickly before you punch John Meyer in the face, or am I being paranoid?)

Mariko, I finally got your Jack Johnson joke. DUH! But I still don't get the movie joke? Which movie do you love? And YOU DO NOT HAVE a disproportionate body. And are you excited to get your new shirt on Tuesday? Are you? are you? are you?

And s.e.x. isn't an acronym. But s.e.x isn't as nasty if you spell it and whisper it at the same time.

Everyone knows that you silly goose.

April said...

That was a fun night Sandi! I think the combined vertical jumps between the three of us were 12 inches! But boy did we laugh! Good times!

Boy did we know how to have fun! I said what I needed to say. Amen.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

AMEN everyone! Now quit saying what you need to say before I punch you!

Sandi said...

Ha Ha I really just laughed out loud.

Sandi said...

Bring back Jack! Bring back Jack!

Anonymous said...

I can't even do a cartwheel in real life anymore (being 7 months pregnant will do that to you. Actually, being 7 months pregnant will give you the ability to pretend you could do a cartwheel if you weren't 7 months pregnant) so I'm not even going to pretend to attempt the comment gymnastics you described. Although I do like hymnbooks (but probably less so when they double as Christmas bonuses.)

Was this retreat thingie a virtual thing or in real life? Did I miss it for not paying attention? Maybe my New Year's resolution needs to be to pay more attention to the internet. (I think I could succeed!)

I had a different interpretation of your ancient Chinese secret: I thought it said, "The spaghetti is done cooking."

Mariko said...

S.E.X. is nasty? CRASH! What have you been doing? Mormons are allowed to only eat their fortune cookies in one way, silly.
Sorry, can't remember the movie joke. Bleh. I guess I have to go find it.
I am! I am! I am!