The human has a two tongue, is in order to observe time in the speech reason.
Am I reading too deeply or can I safely assume the Chinese are accusing me of double speak? (Language that deliberately disguises, distorts, or reverses the meaning of words, resulting in intentional ambiguity or the reversal of meaning.)
Do the Chinese think I'm kidding when I say reality bites and lub sucks?
Do they find me ambiguous when I say that Eclipse was a bad, bad, bad hair movie for Bella?
Do they see me as observing time in the speech reason just because I publicly declared that I would marry Shakespeare if he asked me?
I would marry Shakespeare if he asked me (unless I couldn't stand the way he eats popsicles).
Which brings me back to Rhoda Janzen and her theory about lub vs. like. She suggests that if you really lub someone you don't get annoyed by the little things they do. If that theory is correct then I'm pretty sure my hub doesn't really lub me. He gets annoyed by the way I spend his money.
Which is why, yesterday, his day off, I had him accompany me on all my little errands--the comings and goings and thingies required of a modern mainland Mormon mommy with a couple of kids and callings.
He was having panic attacks by the time we got out of Walmart. (hee hee hee)
(I wonder what the Chinese will have to say about that.)
So a few nights ago I was feeling a little pouty as I sat with my hub on the veranda at dusk, (btw, what's a veranda?)(just googled it)(we don't have a veranda afterall, it's more like a slab-o-cementa). I felt pouty about a lot of things. Like vampires. And Shakepeare. And the modern mainland Mormon mommy lifestyle I've chosen for myself. Then ALL OF A SUDDEN I looked up and what to my wondering eyeballs did appear? Out of nowhere?
Hedwig, from Harry Potter.
I kid not, that darn owl perched directly in front of me on the power line and stared me down like nobody's bizness.
Talk about FREAK. EEEEE.
Me and my wondering eyeballs got up. And walked to the right. And then to the left. And then to the right again. But Hedwig's neck is like Gumby and his wondering eyeballs had me in a headlock. They were trying to tell me something. Something I couldn't quite make out. Something about Shakespeare and how he wrote half of his sonnets for a dude.
"That's what you came here to tell me?" my eyeballs said back.
Just then I glanced at my hub out of the corner of my eye, and I swear on a stack of Holy Shakepeare SparkNotes he was . . . glistening.
That's when it hit me. Rhoda Janzen got it backwards. When you lub someone . . . really lub them . . . they annoy you. But you GET OVER IT.
It's when you only like them a lot that you can't get over it.
Am I right? Or am I right?
Take my MIL, for instance. Is it annoying that she wants only one tablespoon of ice cream for dessert (unless we're at Chuck-a-Rama)? YES. But I lub her guts, so I accept her for who she is--namely a one tablespoon woman.
Do I squirm in my seat when she licks her chops each time she mentions that her great great great grandmother's favorite cereal was lumpy dick? Sure. But then I clear my throat and pretend she's an innocent bystander to life.
Sometimes I LOL in her face, but I always move on, you know.
Like last week at Texas Roadhouse, when she said one of her favorite movies was Naughty Marietta.
"Sounds like a porn movie," I said.
"It's not a porn movie," she protested, "it's a love story with Nelson Eddy and Jeanette MacDonald."
She then went on to tell us that her favorite part is when all the men go tramping through the forest. "Tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp" she sang, whilst simultaneously doing jazz hands over her spare ribs.
I got over that too.
Just like I got over the time she wanted her photo taken with the Chick-Fil-A cow.
And the time she gave my twins $1 for winning the all-star baseball championship game.
Oh wait, that was my FIL who gave them $1.
But she was the one who gave my other son $1 for winning his basketball tournament championship.
Oh, wait. That was me setting her up. For entertainment purposes.
Maybe this would be a good time to confess that I also forced her at gunpoint to pose with that Chick-Fil-A cow.
But she got over it.
Because she lubs me.