Tuesday, October 11, 2011

A letter to my daughter's preference date

I should change the title of this blog to Crash Test Dummy's Daughter Diaries, huh?

Okay, one more and then I'll start bashing on someone else.

Here's the dealio. When you're in high school and you want to ask someone to a dance you have to get creative.

In other words, it's a big ole' production.

And then your date has to answer you back with an equally creative production.

It all seems very mysterious and exciting to a mom without a life, but to a teenager with three of four lives, it can get a little stressful.

The boys are pretty chill about it all. They begin asking their dates 2-3 weeks before any given dance.

The girls, however, have to move on it 6-8 weeks before the dance. That's because the junior girls jump the gun and place dibs all the senior boys, forcing the senior girls to get in the race if they want to pin down their date of choice.

Like I said before, it's all very mysterious and exciting, this underbelly of the date dance world. Kinda reminds me of Black Friday how everybody waits in line to snatch and grab the perfect date off the the clearance rack.

Some boys, like my daughter's Justin Bieber Homecoming date, got asked four times, eight weeks prior to the dance.

My daughter's first choice got snatched up at seven weeks prior. So she asked the varsity tennis player that she beat. Not a consolation date, though. He's a cutie patootie fer sure, with all his ducks in a row. Harvard bound, dazzling smile, tall enough to be her big brother (who just so happens to be 6'1" now--just sayin').

She asked this tall, dazzling, Ivy leaguer with a sign that said "We could make a perfect "match!" (Get it? Match?) (It's tennis lingo, peeps, keep up.) Unfortunately the second part of that sentence that said "because I beat you, and what's more perfect than me winning!?" didn't fit on the sign so she left it off.

Included with the sign were five tennis balls that spelled out P R E F ?

Then there was a clue. "It's what's inside that counts." This clue referred to the teeny tiny pieces of folded paper my daughter had slipped inside each ball that spelled her name. (She likes to play hard to get like that.)

It was all very symbolic. And it was all very 12 days ago. Or should I say, 12 freakin' days ago! And he still hasn't answered her back yet.

12 days!!!! That's got to be a Guinness world record, don't you think?

Don't get me wrong, it's just a technicality and he's not being rude about it, or anything. Bless his heart. He still talks to her every day and acts normal, like any ole' tall Ivy leaguer with a dazzling smile would.

I told her she should light a fire under him by leaving the drum stick on his porch with a sign that reads, "The annoying drummer boy got back to me quicker."

But of course she isn't worried about it because she has three or four lives, so I took it upon myself to write him a letter in a language I thought he might understand. I'm patient and compassionate like that.

May I?

(BTW, names have been changed to protect the guilty.)

Dear Ace,

Can I call you Ace?

I would like to offer a bit of motherly advice, from one dumb "ace" to another. (Get it? dumb ace?)

Allow me to share the eight simple rules to a successful date dance "court" ship? (Get it? court ship?)

1. To git date dance "love" you gotsta give date dance "love."

2. See, winning usually boils down to how well you "serve" (and how fast you answer my daughter).

3. You can't find your perfect "match" by "default" . . .

4. But don't worry, you can always "rally" back . . .

5. If you get 'cha, get 'cha, get 'cha, get 'cha head in the game . . .

6. And answer my daughter . . .


8. Before I poke your eyes out.


P.S. If you hit the net, you get a "let." So take two (weeks.) But after that it will be a "double fault" (and she will be forced to play the drummer)


Mahalo Nui Loa

Hee hee. Do you think this will make a good impression?


Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I have no patience for waiting. So I know how you feel.

Susan said...

I think I'd be asking someone else if I were her. Is she sure he got it?

Annette Lyon said...

She so lucky to have you. One day she'll be so glad there's a digital record of her dating years.

(He's a turd for not answering already.)

TisforTonya said...

love all the tennis lingo -

and now I'm relieved that we encouraged my son to answer his date back within 48 hours... although it took him 24 hours to figure out that he had to unglue the 50 guitar picks from the box to figure out who it was from.

thankfully I already knew who it was from because she friended me on FB :)

wesley's mom (sue) said...

Boys are such ding dongs! I know, I have a bunch. I always have to nudge them along with the replying. They honestly don't seem to understand what's the big deal.

Then they grow up and become sweet thoughtful


Becca said...

I know it will make a good impression. Silly teenage girl-children are SO sensitive about the way we moms help them out. Sheesh. (Especially when the boys are acting like a bunch of dumb aces.)

Also, I love you. Remember that?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha ha ha Thanks for the laugh this morning. It's so great to have friends to commiserate with!! Friends that crack you up.

DeNae said...

Boys -- even the very best and brightest of them -- lose their minds at 15 and grow them back maybe 10 minutes before they get home from their missions. And even then, in so many ways, they're still the uber eye-rolling dorks they were at 17. Hang tough, mom. And make sure the twins see what trouble this is causing so they don't do it themselves. They will, anyway, but it will be nice to be able to say, "Didn't I already teach you this?? Do you remember ANYTHING I say??"

Donna said...

I can't say anything about his tardiness because my sons were horrible at it, and so was my daughter. They knew the rule that you go with the first person that asks so they never thought about going with anyone else.....depending on how motivated their friends were they answered or not. Sometimes they were right on it....and I would read about it on facebook. so embarrassing. Your daughter seems to be having a great senior year, thanks for letting us be a part of it

Jillybean said...

Will you be using the drum stick to poke his eyes out?

Debra said...

ha ha Jilly, that's a good idea. I will use it to tell him to "stick it."

Hee hee

J/K! I am a very patient person!


TheOneTrueSue said...

Hmmm... I'm wondering if maybe he never found her name inside the tennis balls and still doesn't know it's from her, and therefore, can't answer her. He might've thought the "it's what's inside that counts" note just meant that she's not very attractive - it might not have occurred to him to actually open the tennis balls to look inside.

wendy said...

I love a pro-active mom.
I am sure he was a racket-case (I Mean basket case) after reading that.

I loved the dating years of my kids. What an ordeal those "date" events were eh.
Whatever happened to just calling them on the the olden days.

Martha said...

Kinda glad my boys were so anti social in high school. I wonder how Rachel will be. She's just so tall that she'll have to wait until the other boys catch up, which may not be until college.

So has he answered yet? I guess I'll keep reading.