Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Not complaining, but . . .

when it comes to marriage I try to be enlightened, progressive, eyes-half-open-eyes-half-shut. I'm all about happy families forever and harmony in the hood and I try (OMG how I TRY!) to pull the right strings and push the right buttons to make that happen. But I'm no pushover. I've had 20 years to set some limits, bust some myths, push some boundaries.

Okay, so I went through my roaring thirties as a flaming feminist. (Check Crash Test Dummies Are People Too for my funny flaming feminist writings.)

It's a thorny path, ain't it, this marriage gig! And this week has been particularly thorny.

So this morning I was up at 5:15. I helped my daughter come up with a thesis statement for her Huck Finn paper while I was touching up her tresses. (I know, get-a-life!) Then it was on to the boys. My husband took care of the breakfast, while I took care of the botherings.

Did you brush your teeth. . . with toothpaste? Take your bath . . . with water? Did you apply sunscreen . . . beyond your nose? Did you say your prayers . . . and not just in your heart?

In between the botherings I changed the laundry, emptied the dishwasher, showered, shampooed and shined and then spread all my class stuff across the kitchen table to begin preparing for this morning's lecture. Meanwhile my husband was dozing off to Regis and Kelly.

Not that I care. I mean I wouldn't even mention it if it weren't for the passive-aggressive way in which he was dozing. His passive-agressive dozing aggravates me because I can't call him out on it. No matter how I argue it, he always says the same thing back, "I was JUST sleeping!"

But I was on to him.

Later, when he came downstairs to depart for work, I was perched at the computer inputting grades. He had that you-are-perched-at-the-computer-and-I-really-was-just-sleeping look on his face. So I put on my yes-I-am perched-at-the-computer-but-the-house-is-clean-and-the-children-are-well-cared-for-and-anyway-I'm-not-blogging-I'm-grading-which-I-get-paid-for look.

And then he spoke for the first time all morning. "There are two things you could do for me today," he said.

Is it bad that I wanted to scratch his eyes out?


Lisa (Funny Farmer) said...

So did he require medical attention?

I hate it when the "Do something for me" comes as a statement, like I am the secretary whose job it is to wait for every command that comes forth from the lips of the Boss. If even it was a question it would be easier to keep the claws sheathed.

Martha said...

Hey, at least you got breakfast!

Jami said...

Those two things were "take a little time for yourself" and "don't worry about calories, because you are already gorgeous," right? 'Cuz otherwise I think you might have felt like scratching his eyes out.

*MARY* said...

This could easily have been taken out of the Mary Tong Diaries. I have days just like this and I'm a go-for-the-eyes kinda girl too.

The Rogers Family said...

Hmmm! Not sure I've ever been in a room knee deep in girl power and charm. Unfortunately I have access! :)

I think we should spill a little testosterone to make the wading through the knee deep a little funner (at lease for me)!

I have to tell you that he wasn't sleeping. It is a catatonic state that we (men) have aquired to deal with the "bothering". Most men don't know they have aquired this gift because they are not as self aware as I am. A woman's beautiful and attractive voice begins to sound like the static at the end of the day when the TV stations have ended their broadcasting(see I have spent my fair share of time on the couch).

WHO CARES that your husband was sleeping! Does it really matter? Is it really that important? Ahh, but that is the difference, it is important to you. I agree with Martha, "Hey, at least you got breakfast!" Remember, its ok to say, "I'm sorry, I won't be available, I'll be blogging." We actually appreciate the honesty.

When you find that the "bothering" bothers you as well, and you no longer feel the need to do it, you may find that he doesn't "sleep" anymore. When all is said and done, and you find that he is still sleeping, hmmm, I guess I was wrong.

Don't you love the way the sun feels on your face when you are thinking of nothing but how it feels?

Take this as the friendly josting it was meant to be, and I understand if you ban me from this site. Cheers :) Love Eric.

by AnnieValentine said...

Maybe you should go back to being a feminist. Yeah, I think I'm going to try that this week as well.

Grow, armpit hair, grow.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hey Eric, are you giving me stop-and-smell-the-roses advice? ;) Or just stop bothering everyone advice? ;)

But if I stop bothering then my kids will go to school with bad breath and bad hair and dirty fingernails and they'll get a nasty case of skin cancer someday!

But you wouldn't understand, cause you're a man.

(Just joshing! Thanks for stopping by my site and trying to enlighten us whining women!)