Thursday, May 26, 2011

Fat means FAT, peoples!

Okay, I have a reputation to maintain here, so can I just change the subject before ya'll start questioning my stone-cold heart?

Let's talk about the American Idol finale.

I have three things to say about the American Idol finale, besides the fact that it felt like I was watching a frantic ho-made pie convention, where I had to FF through the commercials as well as the musical numbers because even that darn Nikon cool pix camera was a little too suggestive for my three teenage boys to be viewing on a Wednesday night after their Boy Scout Court of Honor.

You get me?

Is Fox in bed with MTV?

Just wondering.

Okay, first, is it just me, or have Scotty McHotty and Lauren BoBoren fallen in love?

But how could they not? I mean, they were the last two remaining, down-home, squeaky-clean, teenage country sangers standing on that big ole' stage like Katniss and Peeta against the world. The world of helkfire and damnation.

And Beyonce.

(Does Beyonce make pies too?)

Second, I LOVE that Casey Abrams picked Jack Black as his idol! And that they sang a Queen song.

Queen ROCKS, and Fat Bottomed Girls has long been a family favorite.

But the actual fat-bottomed girls kinda ruined it for me.

Why do television producers have to take music so literally? Huh? Huh? Huh? Don't they know that the fat-bottomed girls are figurative? And besides, if you're gonna go literal, go LITERAL! Don't send a bunch of pleasantly-plump-bottomed girls on stage to shake their booties at my three sons after their Boy Scout Court of Honor!

FAT means FAT, peoples!

And finally, why didn't anyone tell Lady Gaga that she had huge rips in the back of her black fish net stockings? Right in the vicinity of her pleasantly-plump bottom.

She must be so embarrassed!


Debby@Just Breathe said...

Excellent points. They know it's a family show yet they had too much trash for young children! I do love Scotty and I think they just might be liking each other a lot!
Jack Black and Casey were the best. I sure did like Casey and wanted to see him go further. The bikes and girls didn't make any sense to me. I can't wait to buy his album and I don't do country.

Garden of Egan said...

I'm not sure who MTV is in bed with...probably Lady Gaga. Glad I don't have cable.

I didn't watch one singe episode of AI. Don't hate K?
I just don't love TV and all the noise. I get that in the ER. Don't need drama at home.

Pretty sure Lady Gaga wasn't embarassed about anything except that maybe that she didn't have enough showing.

Aubrey Anne said...

I definitely just blogged about GaGa's [un]fabulousness. I hate the way famous people are shaping minds!!

Valerie said...

That's why I love TIVO...skipped right over lady gag-a. :)
Casey & Jack Black were awesome~ so fun! forgot to mention Stefano's *cough wardrobe malfunction *cough.

Otherwise...a pretty great night!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh my goodness! I didn't notice Stephano's wardrobe malfunction. How exciting! Now I'm going back to my DVR to find it.

Amen, Aubrey Anne, with the pretty name that I was going to name my 2nd daughter if I ever had one, but instead I got a dog named Lulu.

Garden, I could never hate you no matter how many episodes of AI you miss. But you are MISSING, you do understand that, don't you?

Debby, you and me both. Don't do country. And just breathe. A lot. I'm kinda addicted to it. Breathing, not not doing country. Well, both actually

Sandi said...

So right on with your comments. I also happened to be watching with a few young men in the room and a little girl and it was just sooooo icky! I don't know what gaga and that dude were doing up there on the piano but I sure didn't want to witness it! I also missed Stefano's wardrobe malfunction...dang and I don't have tevo so fill me in! I loved Casey and Jack as well, but my favorite Jack moment was at the end when he went in for a hug from Scotty and Scotty just kept on walking! ha ha cracked me up so much. I saw enough skin, bootie shaking and suggestive moves to last me for awhile! I loved the part where James and Casey were fighting about who's exit was the biggest shock- thought they were adorable. I wanted to throw up at JLo's weirdie dancing while her ugly hubbie sang in spanish- ugh. OK I guess I'm done. ha ha. Oh ya, I am glad Scott won. And I am calling him Scott because adding the Y just bugs me. And maybe possibly I think those 2 might be crushing on each other. how cute is that? I am so rambling. But I am done now so goodbye!

Vern said...

At one point my husband was FForwarding and saying, "American Idol isn't a family show!" Besides, if I needed to see JLo seduce her ugly husband I could just subscribe to that Latin People magazine. Also, NO THANKS.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh my gosh, we laughed so hard when Scotty blew Jack Black off for the hug. We rewound and slow mo'd it over and over. Sooooo funny.

Ha ha about JLo seducing her hub. That musical segment made me feel itchy. With a Tw.

The highlight for me was Stephen Tyler singing Dream On.

And I haven't watched Stephano's wardrobe malfunction yet. I might have to just google it.

Kazzy said...

I bagged IDOL this year. Maybe I am glad.

Valerie said... I'm embarrassed. Maybe I was the only one that noticed.
Let's just say those white pants were a little...uh...tight.
Moving on...
Are we done now? Okay, good. (Hanging my head in shame)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Valerie, okay, yes, I did notice that When I googled Stephano's wardrobe malfunction and nothing popped up I thought you might be referring to that. ha ha

Kazzy, NO, you're not glad. It was one of the best seasons. I don't know why they went all VH1 sleeze-fest for the finale.

Heidi said...

I have never seen a full ep of Am Idol (we are more into So YOu Think YOu CAn DAnce and America's Got Talent) but I heard that Lady Gaga jumped into a volcano. Perhaps that was her way of dealing with the ripped stocking issue.

JennyLynn said...

I finally found your blog again! Gaga,what to say about her. I just won't. This is the first season of idol that I have not watched the whole season. Saw bit of the start of the season, then watched the finale.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

OK your review encouraged me to finally get around to watching it. Yes the ability to FF, good thing. I watched it alone and I was still uncomfortable at some parts.

Just watch SYTYCD! Oh my laws I love that show. Which they would show like 10 hours of it. So much fun. Makes me want to get up off of that couch and bust a move or two.