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Thursday, May 19, 2011

My Boho Momo Superpower

Have I stunned you into silence with my movie choices?


I could stun you even more, you know. I have secrets. Deep dark ones that would shock your socks off. For example, I never look at a movie rating before I watch it.


GASP!


Do you hate me now? Are you going to turn me into the proper authorities, stone me in the public square, whisper-judge behind my back?


Can I help it if I don't care about obscenity? Can I help it if I only care about freedom, truth, beauty, and love? And Code Red Mountain Dew?


Can I help it if I'm a Boho Momo? (which, in a way is not unlike being shabby chic.) I know it seems oxymormonic, but I have this weird ability to be both spiritual AND religious at the same time.


It's like a super power. It's like I'm one of them teenage mutant ninja Mormons.


When I was 16 I took a Greyhound bus to Irvine, California, where I spent the summer with one of my mom's choir sistahs from her old hood in Long Beach. She and her hub owned a clothing store, a pool and a Mercedes. They took me shopping in Mexico, boating on Lake Mead and clubbing in Las Vegas.


When they got drunk they would sing Jazz songs and tap dance down the corridors of the Sahara hotel--do op do op do op! When they got bored they would take me to James Bond movies and drive under the influence. When they got curious they would read my journal.


They had a luminous daughter my age, who never brushed her teeth for less than 20 minutes at a time. She was an only child, who filled her perfume bottles with vodka before taking me out with the in-crowd.


The in-crowd spoke in code. About me. They called me Adam Ant.


It was 1983, the summer of Flashdance, Madonna and the Jane Fonda Workout, and Adam Ant's, "Goody Two Shoes" was at the top of the Billboard charts. I was dumb, but I could put two and two together. Especially after the in-crowd tied me up and pinned me down and got all up in my face about it.


"You don't drink! You don't smoke! What do you do?" They would sneer.


"I . . . I . . . eat red meat?" I would stammer. (I was quick on my feet, what can I say.)


See, I've gone my entire life being little miss Adam Ant--someone should really pin a medal on me--but I'm not perfect, peeps. I injest whip cream straight from the can. And I watch rated R movies. Whenever I want. And I don't tell the bishop about it either. Or my Young Women.


Don't try this at home, however! I only do it because of my super power--my uncanny ability to repel obscenity and retain only freedom, truth, beauty and love.


You see, obscenity and me are like oil and water.


Would you like me to share the secret to turning obscenity into oil? Because you too can have an eternally spotless mind, (even if you don't have an eternally spotless bathroom).


Just treat your brain like it's part of the furniture.



And make sure to wipe it down with Lysol after it has been "exposed."


You're welcome!


TTFN



14 comments:

Jenny P. said...

I don't look at movie rating either. I DO read content reviews, and then just pick and choose, eliminating the things that do bug me, and watching the things that won't.

wesley's mom (sue) said...

I LOVE You!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

I have the same super power as you! Though I do actually look at the rating...not because I won't watch rated-R, but because I need to know if I need to kick my kids out of the room first. ;)

Sandi said...

I love the shabby chic side of you. Now I gotta go find the Lysol wipes :)

Martha said...

Yeah, I already knew this and I forgive you for it.

IWA (e - va) said...

Blogger just ate my comment.. boo!

SO here is the condensed version...

No judgement here.. especially since just prior to reading your post i had watched a new clip about Utah Mormon Nudist and my mind was still busy judging them...

I google'd the film and saw that it's a Sundance Film... I hope you go to Sundance next year (side note: if you volunteer you get free passes).. but everything you are looking for in movies i have experienced there...

Thought of T tonight (KHS grad) i saw many of her soccer peeps graduate... then I thought of you.. JJ's niece was 1 of 7 valedictorian's and i didnt see JJ but i saw his brother and he look's like JJ's Twin!

IWA (e - va) said...

ps. I cant wait for your book, Your life growing up sounds so curious!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Wesley's mom, I LOVE you TOO!

Iwa, OMGOSH, I just saw a thing about the Mormon Nudist Colony on the news last night and have already started a post about it. Such a funny thought!

You are right about JJ's brother looking like his twin, only shorter. I can't believe his daughter graduated. She and Tatum share the same birthday. She must ba a smarty pants and graduated a year early.

Martha, what, no letter about the kids? How everyone is doing? COME ON!!!!!!!

Aly and Jen, goooooood strategy, girls. High five.

Stephen said...

Blue Valentine was a painful movie to watch, made more painful by many parallels to my own life. I thought that I was beyond so much of that pain but relived some in that movie. I recommend Under the Tuscan sun because although it has a lot of pain too, at least it spends much of the movie showing how she gets over it and moves on and it leaves you the conforting feeling something supernatural is leaving signs on giving hope.

I am LoW said...

Lucky. Images get tattooed on my brain instantly. I was a rated R watcher until about 10 years ago. I've become rated G, PG at the most. It's been good for me.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

LoW, how did I so know that about you? ;) LY!!!!!

Stephen, I thought of you during this movie. I'm posting my latest movie therapy philosophy soon.

Martha said...

I was looking for Jack too, but I don't think he was there. It was JJ's nephew, Kona, that was the valedictorian. It's sort of a sore spot for me because it was down to Josh and Kona for a $2,000 scholarship and they picked Kona and he doesn't need any money and Josh does. Plus, he won a ton of other ones.

But it ended well because Josh was awarded $1,000 for the Red Raider award for athletics. So I guess Kona is forgiven.

Dolly said...

I do the movie thing the same way. And I wondered why I had the ability to do it without harm or guilt. YOU described it PERFECTLY. I think females have this super power more frequently than males. Maybe not, but I'm just thinking carelessly right now so I might as well make that up.

Heidi said...

The rating system truly is terribly helpful. A really good movie about historic events can have one F word in it and be rated R and a PG 13 movie can be the crudest most vile movie ever made. We need a better system.