Thursday, May 5, 2011

I'm HUNGRY!!!!!!!!

Maybe you couldn't tell from my last post, but I have a dream! A dream that one day the sons of former athletes and former athlete owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

Tournament-free brotherhood.

When my dream comes true, I hope there are hamburgers on that table. Big, juicy hamburgers. Smothered in sauteed mushrooms and onions. And Avocado. And provolone cheese.

I'M HUNGRY, PEEPS! I can't remember the last time I ate anything besides jelly beans and empty headed bunnies.

Last night was our ward Senior Recognition Night. We're losing nine of our precious youth--bless-their-hearts-I-hope-they-don't-let-the-door-hit-em'-in-the-backside-on-their-way-out.

I was in charge, which always increases my appetite, but decreases my cooking time.

My hub came home from work on Tuesday and the cupboards were bare. And the table was empty. Empty, alls except for nine fleece blankets in media res.

"What should we eat?" said my hub. "Besides fleece."

Usually I say something like, Hmmm, let's whip something up, but instead I said. "HAMBURGERS! Me. Want. Hamburgers!"

"Okay," said my hub. "Let's run over to Little Caesars and grab some pizza."

"Me no want pizza!" I protested. "Me want HAMBUGERS! Smothered in mushrooms and onions and avocados and cheese . . ."

"Okay, let's go to Burger King," he said. "The Whopper Juniors are only $1."

"Me NO want Whopper Juniors! Me want HAMBURGERS!" I said. "BIG, Juicy hamburgers! With mushrooms, onions, avocados and cheese! Hamburgers that cost at least $4!"

My hub began knitting his brow.

"Let's go to JCW's," I said.

Knit. Knit. Knit. "That's a little pricey," he said. TO ME! Me, my face, and I! Who last month spent a mere $16.49 on fast food, $4 of which was spent solely to butter up the Burger King peeps before hitting them up for 145 crowns.

Suddenly I started to itch. With a B. I was itchy all over.

"You're right," I said. "We really should save our MONEY for the *@#@bleeeeeeeeep@ tournament fees. I think there's lettuce in the fridge anyway."

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?" said my hub incredulously. "Are you fer real? You would rather spend money on HAMBURGERS than TOURNAMENTS for our KIDS?"

"Yes!" I shouted. "I'm selfish like that! When I'm HUNGRY!"

True story.

This morning I rolled over in bed at 6:15. "What do you want for Mother's Day?" whispered my hub romantically.

"Me. Want. HAMBURGERS!" I whispered back sweetly.

P.S. I'm off to the Storymaker's conference in Salt Lake. No, my book is not ready to pitch, but no worries. I am going to bring all my children's trophies and medals to see if anyone is interested in publishing them.

Wish me luck!


Garden of Egan said...

Have a blast at the conference and eat a hamburger whilst you're there.
Say hi to DeNae for me.
And buy her a diet coke from me.
(I love being generous with your money)

I am sorry you have to endure tournaments.
I can't think of anything worser, except maybe a root canal.......
with no lidocaine.

Jillybean said...

On your way to Salt Lake, you should stop in Sandy at The Salt Lake Burger Co. Or Buster burger in South Jordan.
I'm pretty sure either place would take care of your craving.

Now I'm hungry for a hamburger too! Maybe I'll meet you there.......

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Good luck. Hope you have a grand time.

TisforTonya said...

another year not going to Storymaker's...
does it count that I went to a different writer's conference? I mean, I even spoke at it...

and learned that I'm not ready to dive headfirst into my writing...

and I'm uber curious (and far too lazy to go back and search the past two weeks of me not reading ANY blogs) whether or not miss Dia is a relative of yours - she's pretty stinkin' amazing btw... (that's just covering my butt in case she's your fave niece)

The Mom said...

Great. Now I'm craving a burger. Good thing I live by Kahuku Grill. Neener.
Sorry, that was mean. But when you come visit I'll take you to Kahuku Grill.
My Katie in Arkansas met someone related to you (Crystal?). She was quite happy about that.
Erin Apelu (formerly of Laie) will be at the Writer's conference too. I hope you get to meet up with her. Tell her I'll take her to Kahuku Grill when she comes back, too.
(Laie May Day is tomorrow. Darcie's last. Sigh.)

val of the south said...

I made burgers and fries last night - I would totally have made you one too!!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

MAHALO Val, Nutty and Jilly! LY

Garden, I tried, but DeNae insisted on buying her own Diet Coke. hee hee Okay, I didn't try, but I WILL get her a Diet Coke on you, via me, because I too love it when you're generous with my money.

T, WISH you were here and READY, but I totally get you. I don't think Miss Dia is related so you can say what you will, but I'm famous now that she'd famous.

The Mom, can't wait for you to take me to Kahuku Grill. Can you also take me to Lei Lei's and Kua'Aina Burger? I can't believe Katie knows Crystal! She is Alan's sister's daughter. What is Katie doing in Arkansas? Hey, I met Erin last year at the conference. She's adorable, even though she did cut in front of me to shmooze with my agent of choice. So Jealous you get to go to May Day! Shed a tear for me. I hear they are doing Waka Waka. That song has special significance for me.