Monday, May 9, 2011

Results are in . . .

I am back from the Storymakers conference in Salt Lake City and the results are in--100% of voters swore on a stack of King James Holy Bibles that the diva heels were sported by Annie Valentine.

PSYCH! It's Melanie J. squeezing her pretty little pedicured toes into those heelios.

I personally got a kick out of watching all the glam authors teeter-tottering around the Sheraton from class to class in their spikey heels, but apparently it comes with the territory--publishing gives you blisters.

It also give you fans.

Check out Melanie J. signing The List for an excited fan! (First photographic evidence of Melanie J. wearing her author glasses. btw. You're welcome.)

And here's Becca Wilhite signing her Bright Blue Miracle.

(FTR, Not everyone wore 9 inch stilettos and wedges. DeNae wore white tennis shoes around the conference. But then DeNae is such a non-conformist.)

Sadly, these are the only three pics I took at the actual conference because I couldn't get my flash to pop--I'm afraid my camera is on it's last leg. But the conference was awesome. Even better than last year.

Please come next year! That's an order, peeps! It's a partay! The kind of partay where you kick it with old friends and new friends, while simultaneously getting smashed. Which is to say, completely intoxicated. With information. From editors, agents and authors.

I wrote furious notes. Plus I did my first pitch session with a publisher. I wasn't even nervous because my twins are both pitchers, and that can't come from strangers, right? In fact my twins helped prepare me by giving me pointers and lending me their top-o-the-line baseball mitts. I went in totally confident.

The way a pitch session works is that you go into a clean, well-lighted hotel room where an editor is sitting in a chair by a large window. You have 10 minutes to take the mound and wind up. Then I guess you pitch the ball and see if the editor can catch it.

Only my editor didn't bring a mitt. I had to lend her one of mine, and she just stared at it as if she had never seen a mitt before. (Writer people are so hip-to-be-square.)

I was like "What?"

And she was like "What?"

And I was like "WHAT?"

"You're supposed to pitch a BOOK," she said.

Is it just me, or is that weird? To wind up and chuck a book at an editor? In a hotel room?

So I pulled out all my kid's tournament trophies and medals and described each one of them to the editor. She said she loved them all, but that they are inundated with trophies and medals this year so it might take a few years to get them published.

Speaking of tournaments, between my three sons, guess how many games my hub had to attend while I was at the conference! Guess! guess! guess!

Are you sitting down?


And guess what else? He didn't get me a hamburger for Mother's Day either. (Do I have to meet all of my own hamburger needs?) Instead he gave me a dozen roses and a new camera, plus he cleaned the house and made me a ginormous breakfast.



Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Well isn't that just like a man to give you what you need instead of what you want. Congratulations. Sounds like a marvelous time.

And yes I was euphoric in each and every stalking situation at Women's Conference. Maybe I need therapy for that.

TisforTonya said...

new camera makes up for the lack of a hamburger any day... just be sure to snap a photo of the next hamburger you see so that you can look back on it with fondness. Hmm, better make sure it's a GOOD burger and not something that's been sitting under a heat lamp for the past decade.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Nutty, that IS your therapy, girlfriend!

T, you MUST come next year. You MUST. YOU MUST. You MUST!

Jenny P. said...

Still jealous in SO many ways that I was not at that conference. Next year. Next year!!

wendy said...

You totally got me on that one. I would have sworn the HIGHEST heels were to be worn by Annie.
I Know Annie.....I know how she works.
sounded like a great conference.

hope you got your hamburger

Garden of Egan said...

Wow, I totally was wrong. I thought for sure Annie was the leopard foot sista!

It looks like it was totally fun and I'm not at all surprised you are hooking up with a bookie.
That's kinda how you roll.

Oh, you mean book deal.
Well, DUH. Of course you need to write a book.
Ooooohhh, and you talked to all sorts of famous people there too.

Don't forget the little people when you're all rich and famous and stuff.

Melanie Jacobson said...

Bwahahahaha! I fooled them all!

Motherboard said...

I am going to go and mug Melanie. I want her shoes.

DeNae said...

Do the adorable pink low-heeled sandals that injured my foot get a mention? Nooooo. Just "DeNae spent the conference looking like a 60-year old lunch lady."

So. Much. Fun. Everyone who missed, missed BIG!!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

hahahaha DeNae! I never said that. I said you're a nonconformist, which is why I lub you so much.

Wendy, I did get my hamburger, but I couldn't enjoy it because I paid $5 for it. hee hee

Jenny, you must come next year. We'll save you a seat at the diva table.

Motherboard has cute shoes toooooooo! Just sayin! Had so much fun with her and her shoes at Blue Iguana and the SLC Cemetery.

Garden, are you kidding me? You're the famous one, girlfriend. I could never forget you.

Melanie, how did you like your debut photo with your author glasses?

Susan said...

A camera!?!

I think your husband sounds pretty fantastic.

Kazzy said...

I was so glad to hear everyone had fun. And look at MJ and Becca! Next year they'll be snapping pix of you signing books.


M-Cat said...

My SIL loved the conference as well, and got an opportunity to pitch too! Imagine that! Although, I do know for a fact that she wasn't teetering in high heels. I would guess she had some birkenstocks on or something comfy. 'Cause she is smart like that

Alyson (New England Living) said...

I'd take a camera over a hamburger any day! I mean, come on, they're 99 cents at McDonald's! I think you can pick up your own. ;)

Cool conference! Wish I could have been there to show off my spike heelios!

Annette Lyon said...

Some day we need a conference where there are four hours just to sit around and talk with all your friends.

It was great to see you--for all of 30 seconds twice.

(T and Jenny, you're coming next year. Yes, you are.)

Martha said...

12 games? Wow that is an all-time record. And a new camera? You could've have a round trip ticket to Hawaii for what those cost. Crazy.

I got a new hose and a hose hangout thingy. Perry wanted one so he got it for me, how thoughtful.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Okay, okay, okay, it's my birthday on Friday so my hub had to consolidate. :)

But yes, he's the bees knees! :) :) :)

The Mom said...

So I know about 6 people who were at that conference . . . I'm thinking, maybe I should go next year. But, I guess you have to be a writer, right? Oh well. I'm just a reader . . . but I hang with good writers!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Yes, you must come! Just as a reader. I will save you a place at the table too.

Melissa said...

I am so jealous! I wanted to go so much!