Tuesday, January 25, 2011

And that's the way it was . . .

My daughter says she's going to start a blog so that every time I post and tell, she can post and tell (what really happened.)


"No one would read it," I told her. "No one cares what really happened. And anyways, I live by Marianne Moore's philosophy that a poet should present for inspection 'Imaginary gardens, with real toads in them.'"

Oh, who am I kidding? I ain't no poet! My gardens are real, and my toads are real! It's all real. That's why God gave me such a strange life, because I have no imagination. Everything that comes out of my mouth is cold, hard, fact. I'm just like a news anchor or reporter--I call it like I see it.

Like yesterday I saw my daughter rubbing her fingers after work at the flower shop. She proceeded to tell me what Shakespeare has been telling me for years. Roses have wicked thorns. But then she told me something Shakespeare never did--red roses aren't that bad, it's the colored roses that will kick your trash. Even their leaves have little pokies all over them.

Whatduyaknow! My daughter knows something Shakespeare didn't. BEWARE the pink and yellow rose, lest you fall prey to it's seductive beauty and smite yourself.

(I added them words of warning, btw. Since Shakespeare was unable to be here himself to say it. And since my daughter wouldn'ta thought to pass it along.)

(You're welcome.)

After my daughter finished rubbing her sore fingers, she picked up a few stalks of celery and observed them. She held them up, and out, and turned them this way, and that.

"This celery reminds me of a flower arrangement," she said. "These leaves, the way they bend . . . it reminds me of the greenery. . . and the stalk . . . it reminds me of the stem of a daffodil."

Hmmmm m m m m m . . . not. seeing. it.

But I am quoting it word for word. Without a single embellishment. (Although I did add a few ellipsis.)

It's official, my daughter not only smells like flowers, she also thinks like flowers.

And that's the way it was!

Tune in tomorrow for the cold, hard, facts about how my dad once ticked off a couple of evil spirits. Until then, you can visit The Magic Quilt post today in honor of baby Ella.

G'night everybody!


Annette Lyon said...

You didn't add ellipses, because they don't exist in speech--you recorded her pauses precisely as they happened!

Oh, yes, the colored roses kick your trash.

(My attempt at iambic pentameter for the sake of the Bard.)

I'd totally read her blog, just to see a mini-Crash doing her thing.

T said...

my teenage boys have threatened to start their own blog as well...

is "self defense" a blog genre?

Garden of Egan said...

I think your daughter has quite an imagination to see celery as a lovely field of daffodils.
I'm seeing tasteless food that is low in calories.

I think your daughter should do a blog. I would like to know what REALLY goes on in the Dummy House!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hee Hee "Self Defense" a blog genre. I think you're on to something.

Annette, I feel justified now knowing I added grammatically correct additions to my daughter's direct quote. :)

Garden, let me tell you something about that tasteless minus two caloric food you're talking about, which I learned while I was finding that photograph. Ahem . . . celery is actually one of the best foods for a man to eat if he wants to . . . um . . . please his woman. Ahem. What I'm trying to say is it's the best source of a certain hormone which draws women to men and makes them . . . um, hungry . . . like a wolf. Ahem. Whoda thought that celery could make a woman hungry like a wolf.

I take that back. Celery has been making women hungry like a wolf forever. Dieting women, who are eating it to subtract weight. Which is what I should be doing to get those choc covered cin bears off.

One last interesting bit of trivia related to my findings about celery. That Kody guy on Sister Wives . . . well, it's a well known fact on the show that he loves celery and that he has to eat it with every meal.

Hmm m m m . . . could it be that's why he has so many women after him?

Miss Shelby said...

I love how Tatum is a florist. Haha

Barbaloot said...

Have you ever read the Alchemyst series? (Not the smart-people book, it's a teen series.)

It's about an immortal man and his wife---and they're trying to keep their immortality secret blah blah blah...BUT, they run into an "old friend" William Shakespear. Turns out he's immortal, too. Did you know that?

wendy said...

as long as she doesn't SMELL like know, the skunk in Bambi.

Leslie said...

you daughter sees the beauty in simple things...that's a blessing...even though I don't see it either.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Miss Shelby, I know. Isn't it cuuuuuute.

Miss Shelby is my niece, everyone. She has a cute blog too.

Hi Wendy and Leslie and Barb. Barb, I NEED to check that book out. I love the smart people version. I bet I'd double love the dumb people version.

Lara said...

I'd read her blog, too. And I can see the celery/daffodil comparison. Sort of.

Debbie / Cranberry Fries said...

Seeing flower arrangements in broccoli, now thats just talent! She's on to something. :)

Jillybean said...

I would read her blog.
We let our two oldest kids start blogs, but we made them stay private so nobody but us can read their opinions of what "really" happened.
So they just leave anonymous comments on MY blog instead.

My kids LOVE celery.

T said...

Barb's totally right - You SHOULD read the Alchemyst series Crash... you'd be amazed at all the people from history who aren't really dead after all :)

and besides, they're by Michael Scott...

okay, not THE Michael Scott of The Office, but still, I liked pretending it was him whilst I read - made it even more fun :)