I finally thought up a good New Years Resolution. A resolution that screams "PICK ME, CRASH!"
I'm going to start putting my credit card back into my wallet after I use it.
And I'm going to stop driving back and forth past Five Buck Pizza just to watch the spazzy sign guy shaking his booty on the street corner. And when I get caught at the light I'm going to stop switching the radio station around to see which song enhances his sign shaking skills best. (So far "Stairway to Heaven" is leading the pack, btw.)
Guess what! Guess what! Guess what! My daughter got a job! At a flower shop. And now she smells like flowers!
And guess what else? She got asked on a date. A boy called her on the phone--don't you lub it when boys do that--and he asked her straight up if she wanted to go ice skating. Just like that. No beating around the bush. And when he picked her up, he came to the door, and he shook my hand.
And guess what else? He had braces.
How cute is that?
Dating is so much fun.
You know what else is fun? Watching The Office two or three times a day. Sometimes four. I've been doing that in place of my exercise routine lately because my MIL says that laughing helps you lose weight.
Guess what else helps you lose weight. Chocolate-covered celery. Celery is minus two calories--everyone knows that--so dip it in chocolate and VOILA! (That's French for WHALA!) you can have your cake and eat it too. (As long as your cake contains celery.)
Hold your applause please, I developed that recipe purely by accident. Kinda like how I invented that Tim Tam Spam Slam back in the day.
You're welcome, world!