Sunday, January 2, 2011

Me, my mind, and I

It's the first day of 2011, and we're snowed in! Wooohoooo!

Technically we're just pretending to be snowed in, but it still merits a Wooohooo, don't you think?

The best week to pretend you're snowed in is the week between Christmas and New Years. It helps if there is actual snow, but it's not a deal breaker. The mind can be a very powerful tool.

Speaking of which, my mind has had too much time on it's hands during this break, and when my mind has too much time on it's hands it starts learning me things. For instance, I've learned that if I ever want to drive my hub certifiably insane, alls I have to do is hide the remote control. And if he ever wants to drive me certifiably insane, alls he has to do is spend the whole day tearing the house apart searching for the remote control.

I've also learned that maybe there aren't little elves who come out at night and hide all of our important papers and stuff. At least my hub's not buying that argument anymore. Not since he started digging through the garbage looking for the remote control.

"I WOULD NEVER THROW THE REMOTE CONTROL AWAY!" I told him again and again.

To my credit, he didn't find the remote control in the garbage, he found it in between the sheets of our bed. He did, however, find the Christmas check his parents gave us in the garbage, as well as a box of Sudafed I purchased for $8.95 not 30 minutes earlier. The same Sudafed I signed my name in blood for and swore on a stack of Holy Bibles in front of Gad and the pharmacist that I would not use for illegal purposes.

It's not illegal to throw Sudafed away, is it? If you do it by accident?

You'd think my mind would be sharper with so much time on it's hands, but in my case, less truly is more when it comes to mind control.

Do you think I need a brain girdle?

I've learned a few other things over the break too. I've learned that Platitudes need to be updated according to the weather. You know how they say with lub nothing is impossible? Well can I just modify that a tad? Can I add that with lub AND Russian ushanka hats nothing is impossible?

Seriously, you can do anything if you're wearing a ushanka. Except smile. You can't smile in a ushanka because your face will most likely be frozen in place. But you can instigate a spontaneous snowball fight, tromp around the lake during a blizzard, or borrow your neighbor's dog to go night sledding.

I've also learned that I dig marathons. Not running them, but watching them. Especially if they're on TLC, (the same station that brought us Jon divorcing Kate and her eight). I personally feel they should rename the station TFC for Totally Freakin' Creepy. There is nothing tender or loving or caring about Toddlers and Tiaras!

Spray tans and fake teeth on three year olds!? UGH!

Or Strange Addictions! Eating toilet paper and laundry soap!? I thought Lulu's sock eating disorder was weird.

And then there's Sister Wives?

Kody Brown!? EWWWWWWW!

(Did you like my use of the interobang!? My daughter's English teacher would be proud, eh?)

TLC is like a watching a train wreck over and over and over again. Can't. Look. Away.

I'm not the only one who learned a thing or two over the break. I think Lulu been learning too because I found this in the snow this morning:

She has a special way of communicating her opinion, don't you think?

The most important thing I learned over the break was from my buddy Lorinda over at I am LoW.

She told me to quit my murmuring about the outdated YW lesson manual and prepare something off the top of my head. Based on principal. And preferably after I get my brain girdle. So you know what? I did.

I am teaching Young Women's again tomorrow and I found this great New Years video called Look Not Behind Thee inspired from this talk by Jeffrey R. Holland entitled, The Best Is Yet to Be.

Since it's Sunday I figure I might as well teach you a lesson too. Cause that's what we do on Sunday, am I right, or am I right?

Happy New Year peeps!



Adoption of Jane said...

I don't even have a comment... I am laughing too hard!!

Stephen said...

Don't look back. Live forward. Very good stuff.

Hey the whole Sister wives show has really changed the way I have looked at polygamy.

I always saw it as a misuse of power on young female minds and bodies, but the women on that show live in a free and open society with lots of choices available to them and they still choose that path.

Cody is very charming and tries so hard but it seems to me an extremely difficult task to try and charm 4 women, although the most recent wife is a cutie.

Toddlers and tiaras is an abuse of young female minds and bodies.

Garden of Egan said...

Thanks for the lesson. I was feeling a little bit questionable about Sundays now. I am trying hard NOT to murmur but church is now at 1, I question whether it is as true at 1.
Specially if you are the nursery leader. It doesn't seem to feel full of the spirit.......
But I will go and listen to the talk and then I will go and DO!

Thanks for the lesson.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Oh dear Tauna, 1 o'clock for young'ins who want to be in their beds is indeed a trial. I want to be in my bed at 1 for that matter. I myself am celebrating the fact that we survived a year of 9 oclock church and now move to 11. For me personally 9 is not so bad, but for teenagers it is death. I think we only made it on time about 4 times the whole year and I am not exaggerating. Maybe now I can go to church and not have to repent of my considering murdering someone just minutes before.

Deb if you do find a brain girdle could you have a give away, because if I ever needed something it sounds like that would be it.

DeNae said...

The thing is, you can't admit in open blogland that you're deviating from the manual, or they'll give you an even HARDER calling, like Tauna's.

You look very fetching in your Russian hat.

And I get a kick out of that video, although I do despair that no one knows the Old Testament any more. And yet this is a perfect example of how there is so much in it for us, right now. Parking lot? Makes me laugh every time.

Barbaloot said...

Toddlers and Tiaras creep me out! I prefer What Not To Wear and Say Yes to the Dress.

TaM said...

That video has a powerful message :)
Thank you so much and Have a very Happy New Year :)

AS Amber said...

I LOVE TFC channel! I was up til 2:30 the other day watching a marathon of "Strange S*x". I promise it's not naughty. Things like urinating during, etc. I couldn't turn it off! I kept resetting the sleep timer on my tv because I kept NOT sleeping.

IWA (e - va) said...

Oh i love mormon messages, especially the ones they film in NY!

Garden of Egan said...

Is that why I got that calling? I deviated.
DeNae musta been as pure as the driven snow to have been a gospel doctrine teacher for so long.
And Crash......well Enoch comes to mind.

Amber said...

You are hilarious. That hat? Smashing. I think you've coined a new platitude. : )

wendy said...

LOVE the hat. It would serve me well here!! It screams sexy on ya.

I don't want that tv station, TLC. nope. just never have. I must have deviated somehow....or I'd be watching it...right??

Look Not Behind Thee....I try not to. All I'd see is a very large butt.
seriously, I do need to keep moving forward in life. My goal this year is to learn to FORGIVE...ME.
yup, me. Little ol'me.

wendy said...

oops, didn't mean "want" that tv station. I meant WATCH....duh

cause we have that channel....has nothing to do with me WANTING it.
(where's my brain girdle)

Dolly said...

I like what Stephen learned from TLC-- The Learning Channel.

Since I never watch it anymore, I don't know their line up. I used to be a die hard with Trading Spaces back in the day. They did awesome marathons back then.

T said...

The very idea of a brain girdle is giving me a headache!!!

Haven't watched TLC since Trading Spaces either... and after what Kristina found on there today I'm beginning to be grateful for a lame cable package!

the WV says materear... which coincidentally is probably related to Kristina's discovery...

I am LoW said...

It's not in me to watch Sister Wives regardless but the huzband totally creeps me out too. When I lived in Utah a guy I worked with couldn't stop flirting with the women even though he was married, THEN decided to become a polygamist. Ugh.

I can't believe you learned anything from me, since I am the real dummy.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Hahaha! I'll have to keep the remote control thing in mind for someday. :D

And yes, that Toddlers in Tiaras thing is creepy! And so sad!

Susan said...

Yes, rejection sucks. We can commiserate when we get to Storymakers.

Happy New Year, Crash!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I love your lessons... I soak them up I do.

Your picture of you in the Russian whatever is awesome! I must get me one of those... it did snow down here today you know!

Happy New Year girl! I always love what you throw out here in blogland!

Heidi said...

Love the furry thing and hate Toddlers and Tiaras. Seriously, I think it should be a criminal offense to do what they do to their kids, let alone put it on T.V. Yuck!

I am LoW said...

Ohmy Crash, you mention my name on your blog and my stats go up ridiculous amounts!! Wow! You is powerful! :-D