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Monday, January 3, 2011

Secrets

My vague outline of my top secret, six-and-a-half-year plan is beginning to take shape.


In other words, I'm hatching my plan.


In other words, I'm sitting on it, like Horton did.


In other words . . . well, there are no other words. That's it. I'm just sitting on it, like Fonzie told me to.


Meanwhile there are a few details my hub and I documented on a napkin over the holiday break which I don't mind divulging:


1. Finish raising our kids.
2. After we finish raising our kids we will finish raising our parents.
3. Clean our bathrooms regularly. (After we finish raising our parents.)


That's about as far as we got with the plan. However, after watching HGTV for the past week we now have a complete remodel/addition design drawn out on a seperate napkin.


Maybe we could staple the napkins together.


So this week I go to traffic court. I'm thinking of preparing a musical number from Les Miserables to introduce my mercy vs. justice platform to the judge. Maybe Who Am I would be appropriate? I could tattoo 24601 on my chest and rip my shirt open at the end of the song just like Jean Valjean did at his trial.


But wait! Then the judge would notice I don't have enthusiastic cleavage.


Life is so gosh darn complex when you break the laws of the land! But you won't get the complexities unless you're familiar with Les Mis. And Victoria's Secret.


You get me?


What is Victoria's Secret anyway? It doesn't look like she's hiding anything to me.


Maybe she's hatching a plan too.


Well anyway, I bet she's never had to go to traffic court.



14 comments:

Stephen said...

“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” - Woody Allen

I am not sure how serious you take a man who married his adopted daughter, but it's funny non the less.

Garden of Egan said...

Ya Crash.....you totally need to put that number on your chest and rip open the shirt.
I'll be watching for you on the 10:00 news.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Do you think Gad would laugh if I told him my secrets too?

I know he would laugh if I ripped open my shirt.

hee hee

MommyJ said...

You are so gonna rock traffic court. I don't think you need a tattoo, but I absolutely think you would be really compelling if you took an entire ensemble with you and sang, One Day More. The wet themselves with blood line might lean the judge in your favor...

Dolly said...

I wouldn't publish anything without consulting with you first.... so you know you must show me the napkin. I have to check your design grammar.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Mommy J, ewww. And ha ha

Dolly, oh, girl, you will be consulted. DON'T. YOU. WORRY. I neeeeeed your input. Sometime when you're over I will walk you through the napkin.

Btw, Dolly, I was right, Jerusha and Jared also did Nacho Libre. Norm didn't think so. Nacho Libre was written by stinkin' Mormons. WOOOOHOOOOO! How cooool is that?

Barbaloot said...

Cleaning bathrooms regularly. That does not sound like a fun 6 1/2 year plan to me.

Sandi said...

Sit on it like fonzie told you to..ha ha that was good. I like the little musical you have going on in your mind, I can totally see that ripping your shirt while singing that song would be a good idea. I think you might as well give it a try! Oh, and quit watching HGTV it will bring you nothing but misery. We just finished remodeling my master bedroom,because of a leaking roof, so we did a new roof, and totally redid the room, just finishing up about a month ago. Guess what happened this week? Yep, my roof leaked. I want to cry.
p.s. I never told you about my Wolfgang sighting....it was kind of weird. haha later gator!

One Cluttered Brain said...

LOL.
oh Crash. how you make me laugh!
Might not be a good idea to show 'em all the cleavage, gotta leave some for the imagination...

Kazzy said...

Oh, you crack me up. I am an HgTv junkie, and am not ashamed to admit it.

And as far as Victoria is concerned, I think her secret might have something to do with the way she convinces each of us that if we buy her stuff we will have her "stuff".

wendy said...

Maybe Victoria's secret is written out on a napkin somewhere.
I like that you will finish "raising your parents". That is every parents dream....to make there kids some day take care of them, change their diapers, wipe the drool...that sort of thing. I threaten my kids with that every day.
They are afraid....very afraid.

good to have a plan/secret

and NEVER underestimate the power of a clevage

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Have fun in court. It is better than traffic school, and I look forward to reading all about it.

Thanks for stopping by.

Heidi said...

so sorry about traffic court. Lub-lub-lub Les Miz, both the book and the musical which I saw on stage 21 years ago this month. Memories . . .(like the corners of your mind .. )

Martha said...

Good luck in traffic courts. If they wouldn't have so many cops everywhere then they wouldn't catch you so much.

BYUH starts tomorrow. Needless to say I'm deal tired. I don't dig working full time. So many students with so many questions. Oh, and my tennis class starts tomorrow too.

Check my facebook. I'm going to post pics in a minute of Josh's eel bite. Poor pumpkin has had a rough spell.