Is your hairdresser holding a grudge?

I've been going to the same hairdresser for at least 5 years. It's been a rocky relationship, but somehow she keeps me coming back for more. It started as a total rebound thing--I was vulnerable. I'd been through a whole string of bad hairdressers and decided I'd had enough. I swore off beauticians and began chopping the b'jeebies out of my own hair until finally I had to face the reality that I looked like a mushroom. That's when she came along.

We first met at HCA (Hair Cutters Annonymous). There was a language barrier, she speaks vietnamese and I don't, so at first we communicated non verbally. I would make an un poco sign with my fingers and she would go ahead and chop 6 inches off my bangs.

Then I began showing her photos of super models I'd like to emulate. She would laugh hysterically and chop 6 inches off my bangs.

Finally I resorted to speaking, repeating the word trimmmm--several times loudly and slooooooowly. She would nod her head loudly and sloooooowly, and go ahead and chop 6 inches off my bangs.

I broke it off a few times and tried to make it on my own, but I always came crawling back, mostly because, after the initial shock-and-awe, I don't have to get another haircut for 9 months.

Today I paid her a visit after a whole summer away. I was admittedly nervous at first because, while on vacation, I got caught up in the moment and let someone else cut my hair. Before walking into the salon, I tossed a pinch of salt over my shoulder, did three Hail Mary's and hoped she wouldn't notice the change. At first I thought things were cool between us, but when she chopped 7 inches off my bangs, I knew she was holding a grudge.

Here are a few of the signs to help you determine if your hairdresser may be holding a grudge too:

1. She seatbelts you into the chair before shampooing your hair.

2. When you say the word trimmmm, she pulls out pruning shears and a leaf blower.

3. She sings La Vida Loca while sharpening her shears.

4. You don't remember the cutting cape being made of heavy burlap.

5. While making small talk she tells you Sweeny Todd is her favorite movie.

6. She then tells you she's seen it 113 times.

7. When she finishes thinning your hair, she starts in on your wobbly tricepts.

8. She cracks up while apologizing for accidentally giving you a mullet.

9. She cracks up while asking you if you'd like some mousse with your mullet.