Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Enuff Said

Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness! I've been on vacation!

In St. George!

Where it's warm and toasty!

Not that I needed to get away from the below freezing weather here in happy valley--ya'll know me and the cold are like Ben and Jerry--but I really needed to get away from my hub calling me everyday from work to remind me of what I should be taking care of and getting done and making happen.

Being a stay-at-home-mom-slash-writer is not as glamorous as I thought it would be. It's just a fancy way of saying I'm a stay-at-home-secretary, who's having an affair with my boss, while raising his children, and staying up all night to slash-write.


SOOO much to say, SOOO little time to say it. (Not to mention energy).

I had lots of time and energy to say it in St. George, but HELLO! there is no wi-fi in St. George (except at the pawn shop on Dixie Drive and the ACE Hardware parking lot on Bluff Street--but only in the passenger seat) so instead I had to settle for baking apple pies and chocolate chip cookies and making homemade vegetable soup with fresh-outta-the-ground, sweet, dirty vegetables I found on the side of the road in cute little baskets.

I also had to settle for swimming and tennis and the movies and curling up in a little ball on the couch dozing off with visions of apple cinnamon and almond extract and pace makers dancing in my head.

Why pace makers?

I was on vacation with my in-laws, silly, and that's what they talk about. Don't get me wrong, that's not ALL they talk about. They also talk about strokes and heart attacks and colon cancer and rest homes. And yes, those visions were also dancing in my head as I dozed off in a ball on the couch. (This is my world now, peeps!)

It's amazing the epiphanies you can have while you are dozing off in a ball on the couch. I had a sudden realization that my MIL was a yak in her last life because boy can she yakkedy yak your ear drums right out of your head.

If I had one wish for all of you it would be that you could all walk a mile in my slippahs and wake up one morning with my MIL in the bedroom next to you. It's an experience you'll never forget, especially if you wake up slowly and softly like me. She springs to life immediately at top speed and volume. The energizer bunny's got nothing on her.

As soon as you crack open your bedroom door in the morning she will crack open her bedroom door and charge you at full throttle.

GOOD MORNING! GOOD MORNING! GOOD MORNING! she will scream in your face.

I always thought she had an uncanny sixth sense, but yesterday I caught her red handed peeking out from behind her bedroom door with her ears perked just waiting to pretend she and I were exiting our rooms at exactly the same instant.

"Can I help you with something?" she quickly said, with that deer-in-the-headlights look on her face.

Sneaky little energizer bunny!

If you sleep too long she gets tired of perching behind her bedroom door so she will put on her x-ray vision goggles and stand in the hallway. As soon as you sit up she will burst into your room and shout ALOOOOOHHHHAAA! then chuckle like she just said the cutest darn thing in the history of the world.

That's usually when I pull the sheet up to my neck and say, "I'm NOT dressed yet" in my outdoor voice.

That doesn't stop her though. She still carries herself across the thresh hold and begins singing "Good Morning to you . . . good Morning to you . . . we're all in our places, with bright shiny faces . . . " until I put her, and her bright shiny face, in her place with the backside of my pillow.

If you happen to be sleeping on a hide-a-bed in the living room she will revert to her former days as a yak until you pull the covers over your head, at which point she will play peek-a-poo with you and giggle like a clever little school girl.

It's all very adorable and precocious in a Dennis the Menace meets Pippi Longstocking sort of way. Which basically sums up my weekend nicely, actually. (Except add a titch of Walter Mathau in Grumpy Old Men while my boys were fighting in the shower.)

Hey, I got to see Shelle Belle though (and meet her cute family) and I was this close to meeting April.

But that's a whole nother story for a whole nother day (cuz my hub just called).

Enuff said.


Martha said...

I'm first, but I'm at work so I can't reply too much or it will look like I'm not working.

springrose said...

My kids are all sick so I have been checking for blog posts all day from anyone! Thank you and I sypathise with you on the MIL front. Especially since you are not used to being around her so much. But hey, you got to make apple pie and cookies! That must have been fun, and you got to meet Shelle Belle! You Utah people have all the fun!

Barbaloot said...

My mama used to sing that song to wake me up..."we're all in our places with bright shining faces and this is the way..." Grr. Did not make me all that excited to wake up.

Heather and Kyle said...

I will pass on staying with grandma and grandpa. So it was nice? We are heading down there Thursday! The whole fam go?

Sarah said...

Your MIL sounds exactly like my mother, that is not a good thing.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

HI MARTHA! COME ON! YOU CAN DO IT! Just pretend you are working like everyone else! I MISS YOU!

Springrose, sorry about your sick kids. And YES it was so much fun to bake pies and cookies and make home made soup. Especially with my IL's because they love pie and soup.

Barb, how FUNNY! High Five. That song does seem to have the opposite effect of bright shiny faces. I saw photos of you on Facebook with T and Pat and April!


Heather, YES, it was sooooo much fun! Even with grandpa and grandma. They were actually great and cute and adorable, like I said. Yes, the whole fam went and we took TJ Haws too. We stopped at Gondolfos on the way and saw your whole famdamily there serving sub sandwhiches. That Urban Cowboy is a good one. YUM! Anyway, you are going to have such a relaxing, warm time. We left the condo super clean for you. I should have left some pie and your Ethan's baby present. When can I bring that to you?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Sarah, hee hee

Ha ha ha ha ha LOLLOLOLOLOL

Hey, thanks, btw, for all the sweet things you said to me yesterday. preciate them kind words.

Jami said...

So are you returning to your career with the vim and vigor of a moderately rested vacation-full stay-at-home-mom-slash-writer?

Did you talk back to your MIL? 'Cuz the song says you shouldn't. (Yakitty-yak! Don't talk back!)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha ha ha Jami. That don't talk back comment made me laugh out loud. (in other words, LOL).

No, I don't talk back. I'm a slow, quiet ariser and I'm passive as can be when I wanna be. So I followed the songs instructions, just like I always do with songs. Songs know best, afterall.

Dolly said...

I have never come across any pleasant way to be woken up by another human being. Is there such a way?

I hate to wake up my own kids because I think it is such an unpleasant thing to be wakened. I don't like to be the bearer of bad news to start out someone's day.

Waking up on one's own is the nicest feeling.

Martha said...

I think your new life is a vacation and then you take another vacation during the vacation.

I'm here working my behind off. Actually Nan just stopped by my office (they are on Fall break this week)and wanted help making bday party invites. I'll email you one. Could the twins just hop on a plane and come? It's going to be a beach party at Hukilau next Monday. They are inviting the whole world because they think they will score more presents that way. Except, I will have to feed them all. I think we're having hotdogs.

So much to tell you....

The new neighbors are moving in today. They are actually great, but how can anyone compare to you guys? BYU painted everything white. It is a white house. Like no trim color or anything, kinda weird. The flooring is bazaar too. Its vinyl. Who decides these things anyway? On the upside, the cupboards are nice and they got all new everything.

Costco had an $8 off each pack coupon of this nice wood laminate and the sale was ending so I just went ahead and bought 40 boxes of it and we are going to put it in ourselves and not ask permission anymore. Adam took the baseboards off last night and I'm going to paint our front hall this week.

What else. My tennis class is fun. Our 2.5 tennis team is getting better. We actually won a match (only cuz the other team forfeited #3 doubles). Jimmy's appeal to stay with the younger team finally got approved and he's happy. I had to appeal three times, but it worked. Then he lost 8-0 on Sat. So apparently he is in the right place.

Ok, back to work.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Dolly that is so true. And profound. I just realized that I am worse than my MIL. I may not have been a yak in my former life, but I think I was a hairdresser, because I wake my kids up with a spray bottle. At least my MIL pretends to be pleasant.

Martha, OH MY! What? Who decided to purify our perfectly crappy townhouse? I can hardly bear to think of it being all holy like that! It pains me greatly to think someone new is moving in.


It brings me back to the day I was dragged out of there for the last time. When Alan wouldn't even spend $2,000 to change our tickets so we could stay one more night! (CHEAPSKATE!) It was so hard to say goodbye.


But I'm glad the neighbors are great. May they be as pure and holy as their new walls and trim and may they never skip Sunday School.


And nan is right. The more people you invite, the more presents you score.

And YAY for Jimmy for losing and showing those administrators where he belongs. And YAY for YOU for appealing three times until those administrators couldn't deal with you anymore. You go, girl!

Martha said...

I don't think your old house is holy--- it's boring is what it is. The new tenants are already talking about painting.

The Reids have been taking over both driveways since you've been gone. They will have to kindly park on their own side now.

Hey Dolly, So when is Sean coming? Did he finish his class yet?

Speaking of waking up. Josh didn't wake up on Sat for his soccer game. I was so maaaad at him. He said Max and Nate didn't go either so he didn't have a ride. I was at my tennis matches, but hey, he should've planned ahead better.

The Wixom Zoo said...

I'll gladly trade you a yakkedy yak MIL for a house full of swine flu infected people. How come I'm the only one who doesn't get to spend the whole day in bed, I'd like to know???

Heather and Kyle said...

We are so excited for the get away. Our first trip with Ethan. We will see how he does with the drive. Glad you guys cleaned!!! Just kidding. We are going with Kyle's family cause we are going to the Vegas football game against Byu. What day did you get subs? I was helping there last week. Lets get together some time next week. We get home on Sunday. So just let me know what day is best for you.
Glad you had fun down there. Is there a good Mexican food place down there?

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Well I am glad you had fun down there. But seriously, we missed you at the game. Not that you were planning on going, but it would be awesome. Annie was there also, but we didn't connect with her.

Next time. There will always be a next time.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Heather, I just know there's a Bajios. Let's do plan on next week.

Wixom I'm so sorry about your swine flu. You have to be careful about that living in a zoo and all.

Pat, you mean Annie Valentine?

Martha, you should have said Hello Dolly instead of Hey Dolly. That would have been funnier. ;)

Heather and Kyle said...

Deb: Sounds like a deal. You guys could always come on Sunday. I only have something planned on Wednesday. Also Friday I will be at my parents doing book work. So just keep in touch and we can figure that out. Tell the fam hi!

DeNae said...

I love my MIL more and more every time I read one of these posts. And I'm just a couple hours away, sistah! Escape a little further south next time, and we'll play and play!

Jillybean said...

Did you go to the Golden Corral in St. George?

When my kids were little they used to wake me up by prying open my eyelids then poking me in the eye.

Sandi said...

Our friend J.Johnson advises us to "wake up slow" and I think he knows best! right?
MIL's drive me insane- yours included.

Kritta22 said...

how come you get to meet Shelle two times before I get to once? I think you are mean! :)

Kritta22 said...

Just kidding.
PS I know what you mean about dating your boss... it's not as fun as I thought it was going to be!

Mariko said...

I should have made you drive 20 more minutes south and see the place where my dad's whole side is from. Virgin. I've been trying to figure out how to write about that for years now.

I'm glad you're a slash writer instead of a slasher writer.

Melanie J said...

I blogged about you the other day. Well, kind of. I blogged about a dream I had about you.

That's not creepy...

April said...

I am NOT a morning person. I need my space. I think I might just poke someone in the eye if they got too cheery with me in the morning...singing and all. That is if I could find their eye. hehehe!

April said...

Mariko, she never would have found Virgin....she's directionally challenged. True. Story. hehehehe!

wv = slediesc....apparently if you ride on a sled you will die, c?