Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness! I've been on vacation!
In St. George!
Where it's warm and toasty!
Not that I needed to get away from the below freezing weather here in happy valley--ya'll know me and the cold are like Ben and Jerry--but I really needed to get away from my hub calling me everyday from work to remind me of what I should be taking care of and getting done and making happen.
Being a stay-at-home-mom-slash-writer is not as glamorous as I thought it would be. It's just a fancy way of saying I'm a stay-at-home-secretary, who's having an affair with my boss, while raising his children, and staying up all night to slash-write.
SOOO much to say, SOOO little time to say it. (Not to mention energy).
I had lots of time and energy to say it in St. George, but HELLO! there is no wi-fi in St. George (except at the pawn shop on Dixie Drive and the ACE Hardware parking lot on Bluff Street--but only in the passenger seat) so instead I had to settle for baking apple pies and chocolate chip cookies and making homemade vegetable soup with fresh-outta-the-ground, sweet, dirty vegetables I found on the side of the road in cute little baskets.
I also had to settle for swimming and tennis and the movies and curling up in a little ball on the couch dozing off with visions of apple cinnamon and almond extract and pace makers dancing in my head.
Why pace makers?
I was on vacation with my in-laws, silly, and that's what they talk about. Don't get me wrong, that's not ALL they talk about. They also talk about strokes and heart attacks and colon cancer and rest homes. And yes, those visions were also dancing in my head as I dozed off in a ball on the couch. (This is my world now, peeps!)
It's amazing the epiphanies you can have while you are dozing off in a ball on the couch. I had a sudden realization that my MIL was a yak in her last life because boy can she yakkedy yak your ear drums right out of your head.
If I had one wish for all of you it would be that you could all walk a mile in my slippahs and wake up one morning with my MIL in the bedroom next to you. It's an experience you'll never forget, especially if you wake up slowly and softly like me. She springs to life immediately at top speed and volume. The energizer bunny's got nothing on her.
As soon as you crack open your bedroom door in the morning she will crack open her bedroom door and charge you at full throttle.
GOOD MORNING! GOOD MORNING! GOOD MORNING! she will scream in your face.
I always thought she had an uncanny sixth sense, but yesterday I caught her red handed peeking out from behind her bedroom door with her ears perked just waiting to pretend she and I were exiting our rooms at exactly the same instant.
"Can I help you with something?" she quickly said, with that deer-in-the-headlights look on her face.
Sneaky little energizer bunny!
If you sleep too long she gets tired of perching behind her bedroom door so she will put on her x-ray vision goggles and stand in the hallway. As soon as you sit up she will burst into your room and shout ALOOOOOHHHHAAA! then chuckle like she just said the cutest darn thing in the history of the world.
That's usually when I pull the sheet up to my neck and say, "I'm NOT dressed yet" in my outdoor voice.
That doesn't stop her though. She still carries herself across the thresh hold and begins singing "Good Morning to you . . . good Morning to you . . . we're all in our places, with bright shiny faces . . . " until I put her, and her bright shiny face, in her place with the backside of my pillow.
If you happen to be sleeping on a hide-a-bed in the living room she will revert to her former days as a yak until you pull the covers over your head, at which point she will play peek-a-poo with you and giggle like a clever little school girl.
It's all very adorable and precocious in a Dennis the Menace meets Pippi Longstocking sort of way. Which basically sums up my weekend nicely, actually. (Except add a titch of Walter Mathau in Grumpy Old Men while my boys were fighting in the shower.)
But that's a whole nother story for a whole nother day (cuz my hub just called).