Friday, October 9, 2009

My day at the hospital

Yesterday I spent the whole day at Primary Children's Hospital.  

No worries.  All is well.  It's just that one of my twins is a hemophiliac so he had to meet his new group of docs--his social worker, his physical therapist, his hematologist, etc.   

What a cool place, Primary Children's is!  

I get the same charge walking the halls of a hospital that I get walking the aisles at Borders. They both give me that sense that if I look hard enough, I'll find my grail.  

Plus I'm pretty sure when Gad's not at church he's either at Border's or Primary Children's.

You can feel him there even in the parking garage. When I was searching for a place to park, I looked down one of the rows and there was a Polynesian man motioning to me that there was an empty stall right across from him. Trust a Polynesian to look out for a haole girl like me. I gave him the shaka and did the hula for him, then he did the slap dance and gave me a peace out.

It's cute registering as an outpatient at Primary Children's because there is this little knitting lady who sits behind the desk.  She lives in her own little knitting world, but if you just stand behind the desk and smile at her and giggle a little bit she will eventually see you and realize she's at work and not back at the workshop with Santa and the elves.  

(I've been to knitters anonymous myself so I have a lot of compassion for knitting addicts.)

After we registered we went up to the pediatric hematology/oncology unit to wait and wait and wait our turn.  We read Dogsong by Gary Paulsen and made a dog paper bag puppet and talked about how much my son was going to die if he didn't get a dog soon.  

And then suddenly it was our turn.  The nurse practitioner burst into the room and said "ARE YOU READY TO HAVE SOME FUN?" 

We just blinked and shrugged. 

"BECAUSE WE ARE SERIOUS ABOUT FUN IN UTAH!"  she said as she stuck an otoscope in his ear.

I asked her if she needed a sidekick and she said, "NO, I don't.  This is MY act," so I only said ba dum bum under my breath. 

The physical therapist was next.  She won some hoity toity national awards last year so listened carefully to everything she said.  She recommended an orthopod for my son's limb length discrepancy, which she said was most likely caused by the bleed on the left side of his brain when he was born 12 weeks early.  She said he may need to get his long leg stapled so his short leg can catch up.  

"Couldn't we just paper clip it?" I said.  "Or tape it?  Stapling just sounds so invasive." 

She just stared at me like she was doing a crossword puzzle. 

"Or could we glue it?" I said. "I just bought a whole bunch of glue sticks at Costco."

Okay, she may have won some hoity toity awards from "the man," but she sure isn't very creative. 

That's all I'm sayin. 

After it was over my son and I walked down the long hall of children's artwork and said "OMGOSH!  This one was made by a six year old!"  Then we ate cheeseburgers and fries in the Rainbow Cafe on the first floor and drank little bottles of Coke.  (I hate Coke, but I lub little bottles.)  

Then we talked about cancer and gave air hugs and kisses to all the little kids with baseball caps and face masks that made us wish it wasn't such a wonderful, yet terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad life all at the same time.  

I'm going to go bake a pie now.


April said...

FIRST! I didn't get lost!

April said...

And I read it too!

April said...

I LOL'ed at the glue sticks, cause that's what I would use! I have a ton of can borrow some of mine if you run out....that is if you can find me! Buwahahaha!

April said...

My youngest had to go to speech therapy and the speech pathologist asked what we had done to help him stop his thrust. (He had a lisp). I replied, "We've taunted him and teased him and mocked him. So I just can't figure out why he still lisps." {Crickets} She said nothing for 30 seconds! Then moved on. Why do some people not understand humor?

I hope my boss has a good sense of humor cause I should be walking out the door right now and I'm not even dressed yet! SEE YA!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

hee hee hee April.

High Five. (And SMACK for the if you can find me joke. ba dum bum!) ;)

And I hope you got dressed before you went to work.

(Where do you work again?)

hee hee

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Doctors have talked to me about the stapling so legs can catch up thing also. So far not necessary. Our surgeon just pulled and pulled on the short leg when he did the hip replacement and apparently legs are a little bit stretchy, because now they are the same.

Glad you survived the day of waiting. I really hate waiting, I have no patience for it.

Jillybean said...

I would have suggested using duct tape. There isn't anything that I can think of that can't be fixed with duct tape.
I can think of many child care used for duct tape. No, I haven't ever taped my kid to the wall with duct tape. I would never do that.
I used scotch tape and he broke right through it)
We are so fortunate to have Primary's in our area.

Momza said...

I don't know how I came across your blog, but I'm never leaving.
Just thought you should know.
I heart you.

Barbaloot said...

Oh gosh-stapling doesn't sound all that pleasant. Good thing your son has a mom with a fantastic attitude:)

janboone said...

I love Primary Children's too. My oldest had an EKG there when he was 1 and they had a lady whose job was to come blow bubbles for him while they did the EKG. My other child spent 3 weeks there in a lovely glass room in the NICU. PCMC has some awesome nurses. I love that you & your son blew kisses to the kids in baseball hats...

I am LoW said...

Aw, that's your cutest post yet Crash! :)

Sandi said...

I happen to work with April's non-humorous speech therapist and it's not one bit fun. haha.
How awesome to have such a great hospital there for you- I love the thought of the little knitting lady. So true about the wonderful yet horrible life...

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Honestly, Sandi is there anyone you don't know? I am seriously impressed with your connection.

Martha said...

Did you happen to mention to the docs that even with uneven legs W is a fantastic runner, bball, soccer, and tennis player? If they fix him even better I don't think it would be fair to the rest of the kids in the world who have to compete with him.

Hey, guess what? The Jets are here and reunited for the first time in 20 years. They are performing at the Blaisdell tomorrow. I wish Moana would throw some comp tickets to me over the fence. They did a youth fireside last night that Rach and I went to. They are still awesome. Then we went home and found some old videos of them on you tube. We were cracking up at the outfits.

Sandi said...

ha ha just so happens that April used to be my neighbor in a very small town, so thats why!

Gloria (The Mamafamilias) said...

Way, way back, and I mean waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back, when I was a Primary child, down here below the Mason Dixon line and east of the Mississippi, we had Primary on Wednesday afternoons. Honestly, I don't remember any lesson I ever had. But I do remember that we had a big, cardboard replica of the Primary Children's Hospital. And when it was our birthday, we would bring pennies to put in it, to be sent out to the hospital to help the children there. And I would think about those sick children in that hospital, and couldn't wait to put pennies in. I wish we still did that.

Maybe if you gave them all a Dr. Pepper, they would all get well. I'm a firm believer that a Dr. Pepper and a Little Debbie cake will cure anything you've got.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!! Glue sticks! hahahaha! I can't believe she wasn't busting a gut at your wittiness... oh wait, bad joke, nobody wants to bust a gut at Primary Children's

I ate at that Rainbow Cafe while we were there a few months ago :) It's really good huh?

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

You are one funny lady Deb. I had almost the exact same experience you guys did with my little Connor there. He was being checked for his heart murmur though. LOVE that hospital. You should have gotten the grilled cheese! Hospitals do the BEST grilled cheese for some weird reason. I looked forward to giving birth to my babies just so I could have grilled cheese. Ha

Kritta22 said...

Wait...why was Shelle at Primary's Children??

I went to Children's Hopsital in seattle. They wear clown noses on fridays and have a really cool fish tank in the waiting room. And when you have to go to sleep, they give you a fruit cocktail! It's good!

I would have busted a gut at your glue sticks.

I heart you bunches.
What are you going to do about the leg?? I like Nutty's idea...stretching sounds that old guys' machine on TV where he hangs upside down for 5 minutes a day and all his health problems go away! Just a thought.

IWA (e - va) said...

Awww, I love your description Primary Children's!

Gues what, when your kid is admitted to PC,they bring a breakfast cart around for the parents. They even have the best children activites and the Nicest Nurses I ever met in my whole life!!

My girl always lucked out whlie she was there, because Jazz / Stingers players / santa claus / easter bunny / and anyone who was in season would always visit the kids!

I love the fact that when they announce over the intercome,the need of priesthood holders to give blessings, and Men from every walk of life leave the bedside of their children and go to assist!!! The first time i ever saw that, I was in awe!

T said...

I think I know the speech therapist y'all know... people without a sense of humor need to be given a big wedgie - at least then they'd have a REASON for that look on their faces. I've literally changed docs before based on the fact that our old pediatrician never laughed at my jokes. (oh, and I thought she was a little clueless about asthma... but mostly the joke thing)

we both spent lots of hospital time this week... (mine was totally minor) glad we've survived!

Martha said...

We went to the dentist today. Dr. Jon asked about you guys and you dropped him a few years ago. He couldn't believe you moved. Then they made me update my emergency contact list and I had to X you out and put Swirl's name and number on their form. I was sad. It felt so final.

Mariko said...

You can't have a doctor that doesn't approve of glue sticks. What kind of journals of medicine does this woman READ?

What kind of pie?

Maybe you should watch Waitress and make some pie to take to her. Then she'd get the glue sticks. I think I recommend rubber cement in this case, however.

val of the south said...

We might have flu at our house...I NEED pie!

freaky wv: fluan so we have flu an what?

April said...

T needs a pie...she's had a rough month....and now it sounds like Val's house is sick? YIKES! Can you catch the flu in a comment box?

val of the south said...

I hope not for your sakes - I've got 2 kids with it and possibly a third...please send pie!

Dolly said...

I agree with LoW. This was the cutest and sweetest, most visual post ever. I loved visiting PCH with you and having cheeseburgers, fries and coke in little bottles. I was right in the story the whole time. It's amazing how you write. I think you are officially responsible for why I don't write. It's too intimidating because I am a perfectionist and I can't get past your very high standard of how writers should write. Tamnit.

Oh and I also agree with Gloria! I am remembering my Wednesday primary afternoon childhood and those birthday pennies. Life was good to us in childhood. I hope our own kids feel the same one day.