Thursday, October 22, 2009

To Helk in a Handbasket

Utah ain't all guns and roses like people think.  In fact, I haven't seen hardly any roses at all. 

But I got a feelin' if I did see some, they'd be scantily clad, (wink wink). 

Seriously, Utah is going to helk in a handbasket.  It's almost startling how the morals around here have slipped since I went to St. George last weekend. I shouldn't be surprised because when I left I noticed all the trees were beginning to blush. 

And the Aspens--good golly, miss Molly--the Aspens aren't just quaking, they were shaking. Their groove thang.  All over the place.  In their shimmery gold-coin dresses. 

Bling! Bling! Bling! 

Have they no shame?   

But now they're corrupting the rest of Happy Valley.  Trees everywhere are undressing right before our very eyes. I have to wear a blindfold when I get the mail because some of them are stark raving naked.  

And proud of it!  They're displaying their goods like a bunch of happy hippies at Woodstock.  

In Hawaii I had to deal with nude beaches.  Now I have to deal with with nude forests?  

No wonder Utah has the highest porn rate.

Now that I'm a grown up I finally get why they call it Fall, as in The Fall.  

Of Adam.

I know we're not supposed to be punished for Adam's transgressions, but look who's stuck cleaning up their mess:


Amanda said...

ok, now I'll go read :) Haven't been first in a while!

DeNae said...

Love me some fall in Utah. Is that huge stretch of geography all YOUR property? How cool is THAT??

Amanda said...

It's the most wonderful time, of the year. I do love fall...even if it does cause a person to hide their eyes from all the nakedness. Looks like you have some wonderful helpers :)

The World As I See It said...

lol You are a great writer! I wish I could write that.

Amber Lynae said...

Last weekend I drove by Naked Mountain Winery. I still haven't figured out if you have to be naked at the winery or if the mountain is naked. I just hit the gas pedal and avoided the trauma.

Martha said...

Maybe you don't know that you don't need to rake leaves until they have all fallen off the trees. Otherwise you're just going to have to do it again next week. Unless you are looking for more chores as a type of punishment or to get those keiki out of the house. Rake away then.

That's what I miss most about the mainland and Indiana, the Fall. I don't miss raking leaves, however. We used to make a huge pile and jump out of our big walnut tree into it. We would either throw teh leaves in the river or just burn them. No way could you do that now. The fire would always get out of control and my mom would always freak out that dad was going to burn the house down with the leaves.

Tiffany said...

I never want the trees to be naked, but I do love when they change color. wouldn't it be cool if they stayed that color for a longer period of time. It is like you blink and it is over.

Melanie J said...

I live in a place denuded of all forest. What does that mean? Does it mean I'm living in the real Sin City? I'm so scared now.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh Martha, thank you for giving me permission. ;) I'm totally on board with waiting until the bitter end. But it's supposed to snow on Monday. Are the leaves supposed to be up when it snows? I have forgotten how to transition gracefully. It's so much work to transition.

But I must admit I do love watching my kids work. I didn't get to do that much in Hawaii.

I do LUB the color change and agree with Tiffanee that is should last looooonnnger! it's so beautiful!

MAHALO World as I see it. You made my day.

DeNae, it's my sisters gorgeous property, actually. Isn't is LOVERLY!

Martha, you have to read tomorrow's post. You'll get a kick out of it. The craziest thing happened today and it gave me such whiplash. I have a headache now from the whiplash and my eyelids are swollen.

No, I didn't get into an accident. No worries.

Sorry, I've been so uncommunicative in my comment box lately. It is so draining to set up house and prepare for winter. Plus, other things that I spill at a later date.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Here in Vegas the one tree I have that looses its trees is a bit of a pain, but the wind mostly blows the leaves away, so that is good. nekid trees are a bit frightening. I have to admit to kind of missing all the gold old nekid times from Hawaii. I can't imagine how you are feeling. And what ya talkin bout willis? Snow on Monday, I am coming up for halloween weekend, I really don't want to hear about any snow.

Heather and Kyle said...

that is so funny. Your kids look not happy at all. I love how they are still in shorts but have jackets. I am not ready for the winter! This will be interesting now with a little one.

I am LoW said...

ha ha ha!!!!!