Thursday, June 3, 2010

Adults are just teenagers who look old

This is what I call a Tum-ism.

Tum is my daughter's nickname. To her childhood friends she's been Tum as long as I can remember.

Tum is also her best friend's nickname, (who just so happens to be here visiting right now. Woo hoo!) Don't ask me why they have the same nickname, but I could bottle the two of them up and call them Tums.

(ba dum bum)

Both Tums say the darndest things. But my Tum is especially full of it.

And by it I mean wit and wisdom. (btw, she's trying to earn $$ so she's charging me $5 every time I tell a story about her on my blog. Notice I haven't mentioned her for a while, but this story is too good to pass on.)

Even when my Tum is steaming mad, she makes me laugh out loud. A few days ago she was ticked off at me because I spoiled a surprise she was planning by confiding it to an adult, who didn't keep it on the down-low. When the cat got out of the bag I had to apologize profusely, up and down, over and over, with my tail between my legs.

"She's an adult!" I told my daughter. I didn't think she would spill the beans!"

"Are you kidding me???" My daughter cried. And then she said something so profound that I swear I heard Confusius giggling in his grave. She said, "Of course she would tell! Adults are just teenagers who look old!"

(Allow me a moment . . . )

(hee hee ho ho ha ha hee hee ha ha ha ha ha ha ho ho hee hee hee)

(K, I'm back.)

Is that the funniest thing you've ever heard?

I thought so too. Until she said she learned it from me.

Okay, peeps. I haven't had a single second to put into action all the things I learned from the blogging conference. I even arose at 3:00 a.m. to do my duties and obligations, but still have had no time to hone my craft.

Maybe you can help me out. All the serious bloggers told us casual bloggers that in order to be successful we need to have a strong brand. Branding is critical, so they say.

I rose my hand and said, "Oooh, ooh, ooh, I dibs Mt. Dew! That's a way strong brand."

They shook their heads and told me I have to have my own brand--something original that sets me apart.

So what would you think if I changed my blog name/brand to Seriously, So Stressed.

Seriously, So Tired would be more accurate, but it doesn't have the same ring to it.

Or maybe I should run with the whole Lulu thing and call it The Blog Dog, or Or

What say you?

The serious bloggers also told us casual bloggers that Google search engine keywords are critical to our numbers. Did you know that?

Neither did I.

How many people do you think use the search word "dummy" every day?


So I've decided to change my title to The Crash Test Twilight Diaries.

Please, please, please don't steal my idea before I get a chance to replace the red dummy on my header with a photo of Edward.

Well, I gotsta go wipe the bird droppings off my patio furniture again and make another cookie salad for another BBQ for another batch of dear Hawaii friends.

But first I need to respond to Iwa from A Wise Man Once Said . . . (that adults are just teenagers who look old--hee hee hee hee hee).

Just messin' with you, peeps!

Iwa from A Wise Man Once Said was wondering if cookie salad is as Utarded as green jello. Can anyone answer that for me? I have no idea. Shot in the dark? YES! YES, cookie salad is the modern Molly Mormon dessert salad of choice.

But what do I know? I'm not a Molly Mormon. I just pretend to be.

If I recall correctly, Iwa used the adjective "nasty" when referring to the cookie salad concept. I've heard that adjective in conjunction with dried seaweed and SPAM, and Tim Tam SPAM slams, but never in conjunction with cookies or salad. She thinks the whole idea is oxymoronic, but actually it's oxymormonic.

Get it? Mormonic? (hee hee)

Coincidentally, I found the recipe while organizing my room at 3:00 a.m. this morning. Do you mind if I share? For Iwa's sake.

Two boxes vanilla pudding

Two and a half cups of buttermilk.

12 oz of cool whip (a little more if you're "nasty")

pineapple tidbits

two cans of mandarin oranges


(grapes and apples if you're really "nasty")

crunched up fudge stripe cookies.

(CAUTION: Do NOT deviate. Never replace the fudge striped cookies with no-name dollar store cookies, elsewise your MIL will refuse your offer to take the leftovers home.)

Okay, I'm not editing. I'm posting this as is! That's how seriously, so stressed I am.

Okay, I'm not that stressed. I just went back and edited.


Anonymous said...

Hey! I'm first! Amazing.

Cookie salad sounds amazing and I want to make it right now.

val of the south said...

Sorry to say, I'm with Iwa on this sounds completely vomitrocious!!!! Ewwwwwww!!

I think you are perfectly branded...Code Red and all!! You should not change a single hair on your Farrah Fawcett head - I mean blog!

Barbaloot said...

Mmkay-I've lived in Utah my whole life and have never heard of, nor tasted this so-called cookie salad. But who are these crazies that think it's gross. Um--cookies in salad? Sounds like a winner to me.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I will be the second witness to the amazing goodness that is the cookie salad. I did get the recipe from my aunt who lives in Utah, so maybe it is a Utah thing. I have even made it with my food storage/#10 can of vanilla pudding mix and it was still yummy.

T said...

confucius say Ewwww... but maybe that's just me...

and Iwa

and Val...

unless of course I can go ahead and deviate a LOT from that recipe - like throwing away those mandarin oranges and the striped cookies...

Katherine said...

Ummmm...okay I'm trying to decide if you're making fun of my cookie salad or what? If you are, then I'm not going to apologize for my husband honking at you outside of Costa Vida today. He said you had one mean look on your face. Feel free to plan your revenge.

MommyJ said...

Today you get the award for making me laugh out loud three times in one post. And I needed every single laugh. So thanks.

gigi said...

Cute kid saying and who cares what the serious bloggers say? You are Crash!

Amber said...

Oh my gosh. I am laughing so hard that I can't even add to your hilarious post. "The Crash Test Twilight Diaries?" HAHAHA!! That is too funny.

You, my dear, are your own brand.

IWA (e - va) said...

I feel Loved... So I'm here at the Hukilau on my netbook reading your post out loud to my friends and guess what??? they never heard of a cookie salad either.. so i don't feel so dumb especially because one of my chica's are from Arizona and it's pretty close to Utard!

Thanks for the recipe.. One of my friends said it sounds like Ambrosia with Fudge Stripped Cookie in it! and then we all said, "Nasty!"... LOL!

BTW.. TUM is a Genius, genius i say! AND Hilarious! and for the record, I've always thought of myself as a teenage my whole life and not even an old one!!!

PS.. thanks for answering my question!

One Cluttered Brain said...

Ooh. I love cookie salad!!! YUM!

And your thoughts, Adults are just teenagers who are old--LOL!!!

Love it!!!

Love your shiny new title, I won't steal it, I'm One Cluttered Brain. You gotta love me.

At least I hope people do.

Or I am seriously going to go into hiding.

Seriously so stressed!
Like it. But isn't their a blog title, seriously so blessed?

Or maybe that is why you want seriously so stressed. Cause you enjoy the parody...i get it.

It takes me a while.

Denae is going to hate me. i am going CRAZY with the ellipse. (Hope I spelled that word right)

Editing your blog posts is SO overrrated.

But i do it anyway.

And sometimes miss things...

Have a great evening CRASH! Love you. You great hair person.
I bet you haven't had a bad hair day once. It really isn't fair.

My word verification is smenthy.
I am going to use it in a sentence.

I don't know if your blog is smenthy enough for me to read. Maybe I'll wait until Sunday and read it then.

MAke sense?
Probably not.
I need food and I need to go to bed.

Good night Crash.

Hey this comment might turn into a blog post.

I can be such a long blog commenter sometimes. Sorry. :)

Enjoy your cookie salad!

One Cluttered Brain said...

Apparently, I wasn't done. I'm being long-winded tonight.

You have to pay your daughter EVERY time you tell a story of her on your blog?

That'd be hard for me to NOT tell stories of my kids.

I'd be broke. LOL.

You go girl! :)

Garden of Egan said...

Once again I come to visit Crash and my brain feels like it's in a pinball machine!

Ping Ping!

I can't decide what to think about right now!

OK, I'm thinking that you should have to pay your daughter $5.00 everytime someone posts a comment about your daughter. Good idea huh?
I think that was very wise of me. So far I've mentioned her twice! Wow $10.00 for Tum.
I'm generous like that.

About the cookie recipe. Gag! I work in the ER and I know GAG. Honey this recipe belongs in my ER!
Sorry Iwa!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh Garden, you silly goose. whodathought this cookie salad would be so controversial.

Katherine, NO WAY am I making fun of cookie salad. I think it's deelicious. You have no idea how many times I've made it since you gave me the recipe. MOM, if you're out there, please stand as a witness and attest to it's scrumdidlyumptiousness. Although it's really not as good with Kit Kats or dollar store knock offs.

And Katherine, tell Dallin that that wasn't my mean face. That was my this-is-the-last-day-of-the-rest-of-my-life face. He lubs to run me over and then honk in my face and laugh. ha ha ha. Hey, btw. Brianne and Tum are in the same trek family. YAY!

About my daughter's payroll. I figure I've paid her $5 hundreds of times, so she owes me some funny material.

Cluttered Brain, HOLA! Your comments remind me a bit of Kritta22. How cute you are. Our brains have a lot in common.

YAY Mommy J for my award!

Smiles for Gigi and Mary and Amber and Nutty and Barb. (BIG SMILES)

Val, I have to go to a baptism on Saturday and then we're hijacking my in-laws cabin. Hows about Monday?

IWA, that is so cool to think I'm being read to your friends at Hukilau. Is that beach or cafe? hee hee If it's the Cafe, do they still have the cardboard over the new mat? Iwa, it sounds gross, but it tastes really good. Kinda like Seaweed and SPAM. Fer reals. When do you move? Do tell? What's your secret blog address?

T, you're goooood. That comment cracked me up.

Do you guys know my mom reads all the comments, but never comments because you'll all so darn funny. HI MOM!

Kazzy said...

Your daughter is very resourceful to be charging you $5 per post. :)

Throwing "Twilight" into your title is brilliant, but once you start writing horrible dialogue and having creepy "watching you while you sleep" stuff I am gonna get a little uptight. Just warnin' ya.

The Damsel In Dis Dress said...

I just found you while out bloghopping, and I'm devastated I didn't get to meet you at CBC. Here I thought I had a great time. Well. APPARENTLY IT COULD HAVE BEEN 293847% better! Next year, k?

DeNae said...

I need to just blog about CBC and be done with it, instead of just commenting on everyone else's blogs like a cheater mclazy pants. But I know that some really smart people were talking a lot on that Friday business day. Unfortunately, my ADD really flaired up that day(sorta like fybromyalgia) and my mind wandered so far I found it playing in the freeway and had to ground it. I kept trying to take notes but then Kazzy found an app on her iPhone that was a choice of weapons, and you could hold them up to your head and tap the screen and POW! your phone shoots you in the head. We had some fun with that but then I realized I had lost the whole gist of what they were saying. So now I"ll never be able to monetize my blog or tweet or toot or whatever they said was the best way to get a gazillion readers.

So great. Now I have no readers and nothing to sell to them. I shoulda medicated that day.

Martha said...

Glad you are having fun with the other Hawaiians. I just told Jim and Nan I talked to you guys today. Now they are begging me to go to Utah again. They know THIS summer is off. Jim is planning to rent an RV and drive around the continental US next summer. That is Perry's dream so maybe he would be on board with that one. Of course that was my childhood, but I would do it just to get Perry off this rock.

Oh did I tell you he's faculty now and we may get a three year trip?

Anonymous said...

Beauty, unaccompanied by virtue, is as a flower without perfume...................................................

The Crash Test Dummy said...


Should I be insulted by the beauty without virtue comment? The flower without perfume? But doesn't a rose by any other name smell as sweet? Is that something Conufusius said? Is my Chinese reader trying to top my daughter or is he saying I'm beautiful, but have no artistic integrity?

hee hee hee He made my day anyway.

Oh you guys should see my little Lulu right now, only she's not so little anymore. She'd got her head stuck in an empty Doritos bag. There's got to be a metaphor for life in there somewhere, dontcha think? At least I know how to distract my dog so I can blog. According to the Dog Whisperer it's called redirecting energy.

DeNae, I can't believe you were shooting yourself in the head with your iPhone while we were trying to learn how to become rich and famous. DeNae, just retitle your blog to My Twilight Life was Backordered. hee hee hee

That's a pretty good one actually. My Twilight life really was backordered.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Dang, look at me all behind on the "hurry everyone and comment on Crash's amazingly funny post" train.
What's wrong with me?
And I don't have the time nor inclination to work on my SEO.

You could always add a "donate to Crash's Daughter" Fund paypal button on your blog! =)

And cookie salad? Bleh.

Braden said...

Seriously, I think you have a serious brand going. But I didn't go to CBC. So what do I know. I kind of like the unedited crash, btw. I'm from UT and never heard of Cookie Salad. maybe it's new.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

see I didn't get to pick up all of that that you are puttin down because I was taking pics!!!

Oh well.

Hey... your daughter's words are prophetic! :)

Katherine said...

I'm so glad Brianne and Tatum are in the same trek group! Who are their ma and pa? I hear that Kyle is in your group...don't worry...we'll threaten him to be good! You know I was just kidding you about making fun of my cookie salad. :) Dallen is still laughing about honking at you. Doesn't take much to make his day!

Melanie J said...

I think I'm taking Iwa's side on this. Grapes and fudge stripe cookies don't sound like they should be on the same plate for any reason, ever.

P.S. My WV is "pergi" which sounds like "perogi" which makes me hungry, so thanks.

Kathi Oram Peterson said...

What a FUN blog! So glad I found you through Annette Lyon's.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hey, welcome new peeps. It's fun to have new faces and voices.

Oh Melanie J, don't be so conservative! ;)

Katherine, they are in Joe and Jackie's group. They will be so fun.
Tell Dallin, one of these days I'm going to poke him in the eye. ;)

Serene, I LUB the donate to Crash's daughter button idea. ha ha

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Martha, I posted a comment for you this morning, but I don't see it.

I AM SO EXCITED YOU GET A 3 year trip. Unless they get rid of the 3 year trips, which is always on the table.

Also, Jimmy's got a great idea. Let's call it Blog Across America. We want to do that too. Dolly could teach us how. We missed you guys SO MUCH yesterday. But it was great to talk to you.


Krista said...

I went to a banquet for my H.S. daughter and altos/sopranos were in charge of desserts and tenor/basses were in charge of salads. So, there were desserts and "more desserts." Jello, cookie salad, more freakin' Jello. Sugar rush!

Jodi Gallagher said...

Hey Debbie, I just found some funny pics of the boys and a video from when they slept over! It's on my blog! :)

Donna said...

I am loading up on junk today..I am starting a diet that requires 2 days of stuffing your face...hmmm. I would like for you to bring the cookie salad to my couch/throne. How long will it take you to get here?

紫倫妍勳 said...

you two make a lovely couple............................................................

Amber Lynae said...

Crash I have always loved your blog. So I'm not sure maybe you just need to make it

"the Twilight diaries of a crash test dummy on her road to becoming Mrs. Edward Cullens"

DO you think that is a little long.
Oh well.

Teenagers who look old..... that is a good one. In a lot of ways it can be true... but when I sit in a room with my 17 year old sister in law I remember just how far from a teenager I am now.

I'll let the Cookie salad stay in Utah. I'm not a huge fan of the chocolate fruit crossover. I like one or the other but normally not together.