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Monday, April 4, 2011

I have a theory

Its a conspiracy theory. As soon as you take steps to improve yourself, the Universe perks up. Even if you just whisper that you want to improve yourself, the Universe perks up. In fact, if you want to get the Universe's attention, whisper.


That's what I always say.


The good side listens, of course. That's their job. But the dark side has the good side's phone lines tapped. I wouldn't be surprised if the dark side has got the whole stinkin' Universe bugged because I think they found out about my Dummy Boot Camp.


You guys didn't tell, did you?


The reason I'm wondering is because last night I was minding my own business--of making myself a better person--when I suddenly broke out into a full-blown fresh cold. Either that or I'm allergic to Utah again. (I so hope it's just a fresh cold because all the sneezing reminded me why I moved away from Utah in the first place, and then swore on a stack of Holy Shakespeare Readers never to return.)


Anyway, I haven't been sick all winter. ALL WINTER. Nothing. Nada. I just coasted along in my rut, as healthy as a horse. And then the minute I try to improve myself, BAM!


So this morning my alarm went off at the usual 5:30 a.m., but because of the fresh cold thingie, I thought I would just do my mediating in bed before getting up to finish the rest of my boot camp routine.


Apparently I still haven't quite gotten the hang of quieting the mind. Where is the balance? Focus, focus, focus, DUMMY! No, no, no, don't focus. Don't focus. DON'T FOCUS! Stop focusing. Just flow. Just be. Just . . .


That's when my mind got quiet. Way too quiet. When I don't hear from my mind for a while I know I better go check on it because it's probably in trouble.


The next thing I knew my daughter's alarm was going off and I was thinking, "Why would my friend, Sarah Lynn send me a Boa Constrictor when I live in Hawaii? Hawaii is a strict NO SNAKE state. And why would my daughter be getting up before six?"


But it was AFTER six! It was SIX THIRTY FIVE! And my son was late for weight training! And my mind was suddenly REALLY loud again. Almost as loud as his mouth.


So off we dashed to weight training. And then school. And then . . . and then . . . and then . . .


I messed up.


My boot camp.


Can you forgive me? I mean, I still did most of it, but instead of lengthening my day and getting me off on the right foot, it cut into my day and kept me one step behind.


Plus all day I kept wondering what I had missed? I bet I missed something good. Some message from the Universe. The good side of the Universe.


Yesterday I got an important message from the Universe after asking some very deep, important questions. About my identity. Lately I've been confused about who I am. Am I a soccer mom? Or a tennis mom? Or a basketball mom? Or a baseball mom? WHO AM I?


WHO. AM. I?


The Universe answered me right away, in a loud and clear manner.


DOES. IT. MATTER? THEY ALL DO THE SAME THING! They all spend hours in the car driving to and fro. And on the sidelines screaming GO FIGHT WIN! And at the table, writing check after check after check. After check. NEXT QUESTION, PALEASE!


It really helps to get clear on these things.


Now that I know who I am, I need to start figuring out what I stand for.


9 comments:

Garden of Egan said...

I think you stand for AWESOME!

Please forgive me, I might have told the Universe. So sorry.
It is a conspiracy theory...the same thing has happened to me when I try to do the improve-get-on-top-of-things. I'm not allergic to Utah though....I'm plain lazy.

IWA (e - va) said...

Sounds like you need a trip to Lala Land to mess up the universe... and because we had perfect beach weather this weekend.... and you're so right about whispering.. For the past two weeks ive been telling my hub that i want some beach time.. and it didnt happen.. The wind was out and about... until this weekend... in the middle of conference....

also Penny also told my kid that the Baby Factory was closed.. and guess what? #6 will be here soon! The universe has a mind of its own! haha:)

So now that you're Super woman.. I think you should pick a theme song too.. that might help you figure out what you stand for...

T said...

currently I'm masquerading as a Soccer Mom... I can only handle one sport at a time :)

and it turns out there was just a little too much rain down here in our neck of the woods because things are Blooming in the Desert - which leads to nasty allergies on my part.

would you believe I haven't read blogs all weekend because my eyes were too swollen and I was sneezing too much? True story.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

IWA, NO WAY!!!!! Woohoooo! congrats! How soon? Is that why you moved back to Hawaii and have been keeping on the down-low? Oh, I'm so happy for you. Happy Happy! And yes, I will pick a theme song. I already have two in mind.

I like Garden's idea. I could stand for truth and awesomeness!

Poor T. T, do you think I have allergies or a fresh cold? I thought my allergies were cured. I didn't have a drop of allergy all year. It was so BEAUTIFUL! Regular people have it so good!

springrose said...

I was behind yesterday too. Only 100oz of water. But it was my 36th birthday so I decided the last 30 oz would just have to wait. But I did get a new bike and now my but hurts, so I guess I did some flushing of my glutius maximus! I had good intentions of going on another bike ride today, but the heavens opened and told me no way. Not today sister. Either that or they are just trying really hard to water the ground. Haven't decided yet.
I say go take some claritin or some claritin D and get your dummy boot camp grove back on! We are all looking to you, or looking at you, you decide. We luv you no matter what you decide!!!

IWA (e - va) said...

hahaha! Oh not, No not me.. Penny... Please Universe Dont listen to anything Crash Said! haha!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

HA HA Iwa, it's PENNY!? No way! That poor girl, is always growing a new life. Luckily her offspring are so gorgeous. And she stays so gorgeous while she's growing her offspring. I didn't think you had 5 kids already! hahahaha

Springrose, thanks for shaking your pom pons. I am back in action. The cold has been conquered.

Lisa Loo said...

I am coming out of lurking for a moment to say a BIG AMEN to the whole Universe conspiracy thing.

(Which is kind of a weird thing to come out of lurkville for, isn't it??? )

But its gotten so bad in my corner of the world that I don't even whisper it!

Thanx for giving me a place to get that off my chest........

The Crash Test Dummy said...

THANK YOU, LISA LOO! High Five! I'm so glad somebody gets that too. I'm with you. I don't even tell anyone I'm going to the temple. I just pretend I'm doing housework and then I hurry and throw on a mumu and rush out the door before any dark forces catch on to me.