Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The Slammer

For some reason my twins talk about jail quite a bit.

Like last week, it was snowing, and twin number one said. "Man, I feel so bad for all the hobos." (Hobos? Who says hobos anymore?) "If I was a hobo, I would just do something really bad so I could go to jail."

"Me too," said twin number two. "Jail is cool. You get to eat three square meals a day. Plus you get to watch t.v. and play video games all day long."

I could see from twin number one's face that he was imagining what a square meal would look like--he's literal like that--but he shook it off and and said, "And you get to go to recess in jail too."

Recess? In jail? Who is picturing inmates on teeter totters and merry-go-rounds right now, raise your hand.

"Yeah, " said twin number two, "it's called outside day."

Is it weird that my first thought was, I wonder if they have inside day? For those of us who do not have the luxury of living in jail. Like could we go to jail for a day if we needed a place to get away for all of our freedoms and choices?

See I have a dream. That one day all the mothers in the world will be able to sit down together at the table of prisonhood. And eat three square meals. As play video games all day long while their hubs and cubs clean up their own messes.

Really, I do have a dream. I could care less about the square meals, or the video games. It's the hours of uninterrupted time to read and write that entices me. All the best ideas were written on a napkin in jail, or in exile. Am I right, or am I right? Martin Luther King Jr's, "Letter From Birmingham City Jail," Victor Hugo's Les Miserables, Cervantes', Don Quixote. Even John Bunyon's Pilgrim's Progress was written from jail.

You get me?

Neither does my hub. But guess what he gave me anyway?

Woohoo! He's sending me to jail. For two whole days. Im going to do a read-and-write-a-thon in an undisclosed location. Twelve hours a day of just reading and writing. On a napkin. (Wasn't that how Harry Potter came into the world?)

My goal is 12 hours a day of straight pure writing. I'll squeeze the reading in on the side. That's 24 hours, peeps! In the ZONE.

Woohoo! I wonder will come out of the zone.

I may or may not get one phone call from jail, so I may or may not be in touch.

Laters gators!

P.S. BTW, who wants a Dummy Boot Camp report? A fer reals report?

Dummy Boot Camp is da bombdiggity. I highly recommend it. It's April 12th and I've been faithful and diligent thus far, except once, when I skipped the whole day because I was ticked at my hub. Negative energy is a downer, folks. I say don't do it! Just roll with the punches.

On the day that I didn't do boot camp, the difference in my will and focus towards my goals was like the tortoise and the hare.

(In real life most of us have to work at a tortoise pace, slow and steady, but sometimes I work like a tortoise on tranquilizers. That's why I'm so excited to go to jail. I'll be like a hare on crack!)

But anyways, as Gad as my witness, I will NOT miss another day of boot camp as long as April lives. (I totally get Scarlett O'Hara.)

My original goal for the month was 20-4-7. Twenty tasks accomplished of things I've been putting off for months, four trips to the temple, seven good books. So far I've accomplished 6/20 tasks, 1/4 temple trips, and 3/7 good reads.

And it has made all the difference. (Someone should use that line in a poem.)

My means to accomplish all this was through a little 1 and 1/2 hour routine each morning that includes reading B.O.M, yoga stretches, prayer, writing in my gratitude/insight journal, exercise, visualization/meditation and 7 glasses of water a day (plus four vitamins).

Surprisingly, the most difficult part for me has been the water and the meditation/visualization.

And btw, the routine takes 2 full hours, so I've had to start at 5 a.m.

If you decide to try this at home, I give TWO thumbs up. You will be amazed at the ability you will have to focus and accomplish tasks that seemed daunting and overwhelming before. And boot camp even vicariously rubs off on your children. At least your female children. (Does anything rub off on your male children?) My daughter has hurdled a few of her own barriers since I started boot camp.

But don't forget the power nap! Without rest, boot camp can be hazardous! To your hub's health. hee hee hee

Hasta la vista! Wish me luck in the slammer.


Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Good luck in the slammer. Sounds real nice. There is probably no driving in jail either. Another upside.

Anonymous said...

Yeah. I wouldn't mind a day or two in jail. Not making dinner...not cleaning up because I don't have any stuff. Sounds like the life.

Martha said...

Today we all took a "personal day" (except Josh, because he had to do a seminary presentation). We did a one night campout at Malaekahana. We were the only ones in the whole park. It was awesome. I guess Monday night is not very popular and that's why I picked it. That and Perry's grades are in and spring doesn't start until next Monday. So we are home and tired and I'm at work.

Thanks for the luck for OIA's. I'll let you know how it goes. Rach really wants to go to states because it's in Lahaina!

The Mom said...

" . . . a hare on crack."
I want to see photographic evidence of that.

You "crack" me up!!

Leslie said...

Can I join you at jail too!!!

wendy said...

I have never congratulated anyone for going to jail before!!!

robin said...

I have to laugh at your boys because my 11-year-old says hobos ALL the time. What's up with that? He thinks it sounds funny or something.

Kudos on your dummy boot camp. If I got up at 5:00a.m. for a month ... well I wouldn't make it a month because my family would shoot me after a week. I'm a bear getting up a 7:00 a.m. Can you imagine 5??? I shudder at the thought.

Keep up the good work. I'll just have to live vicariously through you. Learn some great life lessons for me!

DeNae said...

So. Darn. Jealous.

Please note that I said, "Darn." I'm behaving. You're welcome.

And I have something I reeeeeally need to talk to you about, so please use your one jail phone call to call me.

Seriously. Call me.

Or I swear, I'll come back here and swear.

Becca said...

Jail is perfect. What a huge gift. Can I come?

(and I am not making this up - my w.v. is "ressessi" - as in the multiple recesses that jailbirds get. Karma, anyone?)

Marie Carlisle said...

Dummy...I can't even tell you how amazing you are! I try all the time, but you keep hitting me over the head AT CHURCH! What's up with that? Well, I know for a fact that "hobo's" really do try to get arrested so they can go to jail. Sometimes they make a stop to visit me at the hospital for a couple days. Warm blankets, meals, drinks, snacks and TV all day. (Not to mention a security guard from the prison as a constant companion ALL THE TIME! I do refused to bathe prisoners in shackles!

lunch box lowdown said...

All the kids say hobo now. I think iCarly brought it back.

That was the longest PS ever. :-)

Good luck on the writin'! (What does one say when someone is about to write? About to preform, "break a leg" but what to say before writing?)

lunch box lowdown said...

(ugh, I did it again, the lunch box lowdown is me, I am LoW)

Heidi said...

I read that JK wrote the last HP book in a hotel room (I guess the jail thing wasn't her style). She was so happy to be done that she wrote a note on a statue in the room saying that she finished the book in that room and signed it--I wonder what that statue would be worth? (You could go to jail for defacing property like that--maybe that's her Plan B--Harry Potter for the Incarcerated.)