The Slammer

For some reason my twins talk about jail quite a bit.

Like last week, it was snowing, and twin number one said. "Man, I feel so bad for all the hobos." (Hobos? Who says hobos anymore?) "If I was a hobo, I would just do something really bad so I could go to jail."

"Me too," said twin number two. "Jail is cool. You get to eat three square meals a day. Plus you get to watch t.v. and play video games all day long."

I could see from twin number one's face that he was imagining what a square meal would look like--he's literal like that--but he shook it off and and said, "And you get to go to recess in jail too."

Recess? In jail? Who is picturing inmates on teeter totters and merry-go-rounds right now, raise your hand.

"Yeah, " said twin number two, "it's called outside day."

Is it weird that my first thought was, I wonder if they have inside day? For those of us who do not have the luxury of living in jail. Like could we go to jail for a day if we needed a place to get away for all of our freedoms and choices?

See I have a dream. That one day all the mothers in the world will be able to sit down together at the table of prisonhood. And eat three square meals. As play video games all day long while their hubs and cubs clean up their own messes.

Really, I do have a dream. I could care less about the square meals, or the video games. It's the hours of uninterrupted time to read and write that entices me. All the best ideas were written on a napkin in jail, or in exile. Am I right, or am I right? Martin Luther King Jr's, "Letter From Birmingham City Jail," Victor Hugo's Les Miserables, Cervantes', Don Quixote. Even John Bunyon's Pilgrim's Progress was written from jail.

You get me?

Neither does my hub. But guess what he gave me anyway?

Woohoo! He's sending me to jail. For two whole days. Im going to do a read-and-write-a-thon in an undisclosed location. Twelve hours a day of just reading and writing. On a napkin. (Wasn't that how Harry Potter came into the world?)

My goal is 12 hours a day of straight pure writing. I'll squeeze the reading in on the side. That's 24 hours, peeps! In the ZONE.

Woohoo! I wonder will come out of the zone.

I may or may not get one phone call from jail, so I may or may not be in touch.

Laters gators!

P.S. BTW, who wants a Dummy Boot Camp report? A fer reals report?

Dummy Boot Camp is da bombdiggity. I highly recommend it. It's April 12th and I've been faithful and diligent thus far, except once, when I skipped the whole day because I was ticked at my hub. Negative energy is a downer, folks. I say don't do it! Just roll with the punches.

On the day that I didn't do boot camp, the difference in my will and focus towards my goals was like the tortoise and the hare.

(In real life most of us have to work at a tortoise pace, slow and steady, but sometimes I work like a tortoise on tranquilizers. That's why I'm so excited to go to jail. I'll be like a hare on crack!)

But anyways, as Gad as my witness, I will NOT miss another day of boot camp as long as April lives. (I totally get Scarlett O'Hara.)

My original goal for the month was 20-4-7. Twenty tasks accomplished of things I've been putting off for months, four trips to the temple, seven good books. So far I've accomplished 6/20 tasks, 1/4 temple trips, and 3/7 good reads.

And it has made all the difference. (Someone should use that line in a poem.)

My means to accomplish all this was through a little 1 and 1/2 hour routine each morning that includes reading B.O.M, yoga stretches, prayer, writing in my gratitude/insight journal, exercise, visualization/meditation and 7 glasses of water a day (plus four vitamins).

Surprisingly, the most difficult part for me has been the water and the meditation/visualization.

And btw, the routine takes 2 full hours, so I've had to start at 5 a.m.

If you decide to try this at home, I give TWO thumbs up. You will be amazed at the ability you will have to focus and accomplish tasks that seemed daunting and overwhelming before. And boot camp even vicariously rubs off on your children. At least your female children. (Does anything rub off on your male children?) My daughter has hurdled a few of her own barriers since I started boot camp.

But don't forget the power nap! Without rest, boot camp can be hazardous! To your hub's health. hee hee hee

Hasta la vista! Wish me luck in the slammer.