Thursday, April 21, 2011

The Wonder Years

So you know I've been reading a lot lately, right? Well one of the things I keep coming across as I read is how important it is to find the wonder in everything around us. The wonderful, if you will.

Not to brag, but this is so easy for me. I am full of wonder on a regular basis.

Like for instance, just yesterday I was wondering why I am the only woman in Utah County who doesn't wear stilettos to the dentist. Did I miss a memo, because I also don't wear stilettos to my twin's baseball games either, yet other women of Utah county do. Quite gracefully. I witnessed one tonight step effortless from her little black Mercedes Benz and proceed to kick her daughter's trash at a friendly game of soccer behind the dugout.

In stilettos!

Am I in the Twilight Zone, or is she in the Twilight Zone?

I also wonder why anyone would buy sugar free cool whip? Cool whip without sugar is just whip. Not cool.

(I wonder why I didn't notice this until I was half-way through the container?)

Right now my biggest wonder is why didn't we get Lulu spade? Were we experiencing temporary insanity? Fer reals! Is a litter of puppies cute enough to endure 21 dayz of Romeos outside my Juliet's balcony, waiting with baited breath to dash my dreams of raising a dog worthy of being sealed to us for time and all eternity in the temple?

There are only two words to describe heat: EWWW! and EEEEWWWWWW!!

And p.s. EWWWWW!

I don't even know my own dog anymore. Is she lady or is she the tramp?

We are in day 1 of stage 2, which, for those of you who are unedumacated in the art of animal instincts, means, unlike stage 1, where she became itchy with a "b" as soon her male suitors made advances, stage 2 is awakening her to her inner Lady Gaga.

And EWWWWW, it isn't very lady like at all. In fact, it's more gaga like, even . . . dare I say . . . tramp like?

But let us not go down this slippery slope of a topic, let us go down a different slippery slope. A holier slippery slope. Let's talk about the scriptures.

You know my daughter has read the Book of Mormon eight times, right? (Such a goody goody) Well tonight she started seeing the wonder in 2 Nephi 12:22 and she called to me from her bedroom.

"Mom, come help me understand something," she said. (Wonder runs in the family.)

Upon my arrival she asked me to explain a verse of scripture to her, and then she commenced to read it aloud to me, "Cease ye from man, whose breath is in his nostrils . . . "

"That is a . . . wonderful question," I began. "I think it probably means . . . don't put your trust in man, but in God."

"Why, how does God breath?" she asked.

Hmmm . . . I see she is entering her wonder years.


Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Where do you go when you have forgotten how to wonder. I wonder about that a lot.

The Mom said...

Oh I wonder a lot. And I wonder if I should not put on my Mrs. English Professor hat and say, please, you don't want to have Lulu spade. You want her spayed. Okay?
And to answer T's question, God breathes in a mysterious way. Says so in the hymn.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Okay, so, Mrs. English Professor, do I want her spade or not? Do tell. Or is that a quesiton like Do I want to get married or not? You weather the hardships, but it's worth it.

Pat, hmmmm, I have never wondered about that. You have given me some new food for thought.

Jenny P. said...

I've never experienced the joy of keeping company with a dog in heat. But your description of EWWWW has me sure I'm not missing much. How long does it last? And does it happen over and over, or just once? Are you getting her spayed once this is over with? My dog is a boy, and he lost his boy parts before we got him. I'm oh, so very glad.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

I'm still laughing about your Lady Gaga dog! Sorry, that's not nice, right? Afterall, you just want her to remain pure for her stake temple interview.

Your daughter sounds just like you! And that is completely awesome!

Garden of Egan said...

I'm so sorry that Lulu has turned out to be such a dog of low morals.
Shoulda gotten her tonsils out I'm tellin' ya!

I wonder also.
I wonder why anyone would want to wear a weapon on their feet?
Can they get through the security at the airport?
I think not.

Stilletoes should be outlawed.
But then, this comes from someone who spends 12 hours a day on her feet running through the ER.
Give me Keens or give me death.

Sandi said...

hmmmm wondering what you are going to do with Lulu if she doesn't live up to your eternal standards? she better snap out of it real quick like! Good question from your daughter, just wondering if you are available to all of us for our scripture questions? that would be awesome :)

Martha said...

I think Lulu should be allowed to have at least one litter of pups. She's so beautiful, just think what her pups will look like? Just have her choose her mate wisely. If she does she could make some bank and be buying her own dog food and diapers. No selling oranges for you guys.

Just make sure you don't ever turn into one of those stiletto-wearing chicks. Stay the same.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Do you think so, Martha? Cuz I. DON'T. KNOW! Yes, she's beautiful, but does she have to be so . . . trampy?

You've got my word on the stiletto thing. Cross my heart and hope to die. Literally. Cuz it would kill me. I'm with Garden, give me Keens or give me death.

(What are Keens, btw?)

(Hey,Martha, Can you send me Adam's address again so I can cross off number 15 on my list of tasks accomplish?)

Jenny, good questions. I'm glad I am forced to answer them. I am leaning towards getting her spayed. It lasts 3 weeks and it happens twice a year.

Sandi, YES, of course I am here for all of your scriptural questions. If I can't answer it, my daughter surely can. ;)

New England Aly, YAY, so happy to see you again! You ROCK harder!