Thursday, March 24, 2011

Are you happy with your smile?

Prom dress secured for my daughter. Check. New Beginnings complete for Young Women. Check. Flynn Rider Barbie purchased for my niece. Check. 

(It was a risky birthday gift, but I went with my gut.)

All that, plus I had my teeth cleaned since I last posted.

My dentist hired a new hygienist though and she's kinda messing with my dental mojo. 

She calls me Miss Debra. 

Who does that?

She also says rad ALOT. And puuuuuurfect. And she told me I'm a phenomenal brusher.

Phenomenal? Really? 

I don't trust this lady. If I was a phenomenal brusher I woulda heard about it before my 44th birthday. 

You get me?

She talks real sweet, but I think she's got a dark side. Sweet people tend to be that way. I mean, fer reals, when someone gets too excited about your brushing abilities, there's something lurking beneath the surface. Especially if they nearly yank your tonsils loose while they're flossing your teeth. 

"So, Miss Debra," she cooed, as the little water spout thingie in my mouth sprayed water all over my face, "Are you happy with your smile?" 

Am I happy with my smile? If I'm not mistaken, that's code for "you could use some professional help." Am I right, or am I right?

I know what she is. She's one of them gardeners. Planting seeds. 

When I was in high school I once went to an ear, nose and throat doctor because I found out I was allergic to Utah. The doctor told me that I would be pretty if I got a new nose. Then he handed me a catalog of new noses and told me to circle the ones I liked. 

I didn't let anyone look at my profile for years. 

"Yes, I'm happy with my smile," I told her.

"Does this chip right here in your front tooth bug you, Miss Debra?" she said to me as she was measuring my gums and trying to find a nanny at the same time. She's a multi-tasker, that way. "I mean, it's not that big of a deal. I only see it because I'm right here, but does it cut your tongue at all?" And then she paused. "Oh wait, you said you were happy with your smile didn't you." 

How brilliantly she waters her garden. 

"What about these silver fillings, back here," she asked a few minutes later. "Does it bother you that people can see them every time you open your mouth? Not that it matters. And besides, I know you're happy with your smile." 

And then she said "Wow!" 

That was it, just WOW. Followed by some intense scraping. 

When she finally spoke it was to tell me that one of my molars was really annoying her. "Do you pack a lot of food back here?" she asked.  

If I had a peanut butter sandwich for every time someone has told me that . . . well then . . . I would have a peanut butter sandwich. And she would have a peanut butter facial. 

But alls I had was my pointer finger. So I poked her eyes out.

 (Two words: safety. goggles.)  

She got the last laugh, however, when she told me that I have two cavities. 

TWO CAVITIES!? But I'm a phenomenal brusher!!!!!

(Btw, you guys are happy with my smile, right?) 

(Do you think my smile makes me look fat?)

P.S. GOOD LUCK TO THE BYU-Hawaii basketball team tonight. They're in the FINAL FOUR! Woohooo! 

And GOOD LUCK TO THE BYU-Provo basketball team. They're in the SWEET SIXTEEN! Woohooo! Go JIMMER. 

P.S. Is it just me or does anyone else think Jimmer looks like a younger (cuter) (more betta three-point shoota) John Goodman?

Okay, nevermind. But how about Scotty McCreery? Raise your hand if you think he looks like MAD.

Dead ringer, right?

How many of you LOL'd when you watched him sing on American Idol last night?

2:32 was when I really started giggling. Gotsta lub Scotty McCreery!


Jessica B said...

Jimmer grew p in my neck of the woods... Upstate NY -- he's quite the hero around here. Go Jimmer! Def see the resemblence, but DEF way cuter than John Goodman. And Scotty/mad magazine cover guy. What a cutie.

wendy said...

Yeah...I love Scotty. He has a great smile.
I hope I am still smiling after the BYU game tonight!!!
wow, I think you helped me figure something out...I must be allergic to winter.
Does NOT make me smile. But Flynn Ryder does. Loved that show.

and YOU have a great smile Miss Debra.
Why Miss Debra...what a great smile you have.
All the better to ????
irritating hygenist.

Debra said...

So my friend has her kids call me Miss Debra. It took me a LONG time to get used to, oh, alright, I never got used to it. I think it would set my teeth on edge if my hygienist did it.

T said...

aw... Miss Debra - you've got a purty smile...

yeah - sorry, can't pull off the accent in print... but that's what "miss debra" reminds me of...

and you do have a purty smile - chipped silver food packing teeth and all.

Jimmer and John have that same smile that doesn't stop at the mouth thing going on - I love it!

but not more than I love YOUR smile - but we already know you're happy with your smile.

Melanie Jacobson said...

Your hygeinist is lame.

Also, I don't like Scotty anymore. He used to be one of my favorites but I can't watch him any more when he performs. He's great if I'm only listening but I just can't watch him.

Sandi said...

Why, Miss Debra I find your smile super delightful! I have a friend who is a hygienist and she says most of her job is to sell sell sell expensive dental work, so don't take it personally!
I missed Idol last night and wow..maybe I'm glad I did- Scotty's eyebrows are super freaky...yes?
Did ya see the results show...oh yes, I love me some Casey.
BYUH wins!!!!Go Seasiders :)

Josh said...

What Scott McCarrey?? Oh, I guess not I just watched the video. I was eating one of the kids's jawbreakers and chipped a big hunk out of my back tooth. It's been bugging me for months. Someday I'll have Dr. Jon fix it.

Martha said...

Not Josh Martha Oops.

Vern said...

I think Scotty looks like a young George W.


Annette Lyon said...

Oh, my. For the rest of the AI season, Scotty WILL be MAD.