Friday, March 4, 2011

The Heart of a Champion (and the cover up)

There is a part of my life that I keep from you. I allude to it once in a while, but for the most part I shield you from it. For your own good.

It's called basketball.

What if I told you that between my three boys, we had a basketball game at 2:15 p.m., 6:00 p.m. and 7:00 p.m., and that tomorrow morning we have a basketball game at 6:00 a.m., basketball practice at 8:00 a.m., another game at 1:30 p.m., 2:00 p.m. and 5:00 p.m.? Would you run screaming like a banshi into the night?

I hear you. (Literally.)

One of the games tomorrow is the state 5A high school basketball championship, which is why my fourteen-year-old keeps singing this super annoying song about having the heart of a champion.

Perhaps it's his intonation, but the song makes me think of Rocky. Not the 70's Rocky who drank raw eggs and sprinted the stairs of the Philedelphia Museum of Art, but the 80's Rocky--the one who chose his brother, Frank Stallone, to sing his soundtrack.

"Mom, do you have the heart of a champion?" he asked me as I was wiping down the stove after dinner last night. With a dishrag in my hand it sounded more like, "Mom, do YOU have the HEART OF A CHAMPION?!?!"

"I think so," I told him. "I hope I do."

I didn't make eye contact as I said this, not because I was unsure of myself, but because I was focused on the task at hand. Wax on, wax off. And also because what have I conquered lately anyway? The stove top? The pile of dirty laundry? The ring around the toilet?

"MOTED!" My son said. "You don't think you have the heart of a champion. You don't hope you have the heart of a champion. If you have the heart of a champion, you know it."

Looks like I'm a lubber, not a fighter.

(But if my hub asks, that's a typo. What I meant to say is that I'm a scrubber, not a fighter.)

Speaking of scrubbing, I bought some organic cleaning products last week because I'm trying to be hip and cool and happening. And because if I ever meet Jack Johnson again I need to have something to talk about.

One of the products I bought is a disinfecting multi-surface cleaner, which promises to kill 99.99% of germs botanically, specifically Influenza A., Staphylococcus aureus, Salmonella enterica, Pseudomonas aeruginosa, and Escherichia coli.

I didn't know any of this when I bought it. Alls I knew was that it was s'posed to smell like lemongrass and thyme. But it doesn't. It smells like tomato paste and locker room. After a basketball game.

Actually it smells like tomato paste and my car after a basketball game.

I wish this was a scratch and sniff blog so I could prove it.

I've tried and tried to get past the ghastly smell and think about all the deadly germs I'm murdering, naturally, but I'm just not that committed to saving the planet.

Either that or I don't have the heart of a champion.

So I chucked the disinfectant, but not before I checked the label to see which botantical ingredients have the capacity to kill E. coli, the flu, and food poisoning in one foul swoop. (and I do mean foul.) The active ingredients include, and I quote, 0.05% thyme and 99.95% other ingredients.

99.95% OTHER ingredients!? Like what? spaghetti sauce? And sweat?

Sounds suspiciously like a cover up, if you ask me.


Melissa said...

You are so funny! I laugh all the way through every one of your posts! Love them!

IWA (e - va) said...

That kid of yours is too local! I still say

What brand is the cleaner? Sounds like 7th gen..... Just add some pinesol in it... It kills the herbieness of it and any of the "green" factors!

Your basketball life sounds crazy mad! But it's better than being addicted to porn and prescription drugs .... You need to tell the rest of happy valley your secret!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

The best part of children who are athletes turn into driving athletes where they can drive themselves and their bad stank to practices and games. I tell you it is a day to look forward too. So cling to the day when they can keep all that badness to themselves.

And maybe the tomato sauce is like tomato juice that gets rid of skunk smell. I love that Partridge family episode.

Good luck with your driving and cheering.

Martha said...

Go Frampton boys!!!

You totally know I get you. People ask me why Tommy is on two teams in two different age groups for bball and I know then and there that they just don't get it.

My Saturday has suddenly opened up because of the rain. No basketball games this morning. I actually got to vacuum the house. The only good thing about living in this tiny house is that it only takes 20 mins to vacuum the whole thing.

The check has been sent to the architect and he's drawing up plans for the new house. I'm so excited, but can't act like it around here, because Perry is just so scared!

Hopefully the Kahuku tennis match will still be on because it's scheduled at 4 pm, after the BYUH women play.

Jessica G. said...

I used an "organic" floor cleaner that left black sludge on the bottoms of all our white socks. But being a giving soul, I just couldn't toss it I gave it to that one uppity neighbor that drives a Hybrid and constantly - and I mean constantly - touts the benefits of a vegan life as her cure for chocolate addiction. hehehehe

Sandi said...

spaghetti sauce and sweat. Ugh. Bring on the Lysol baby (what JJ doesn't know wont hurt him)
Your crazy schedule is going to be gone before you know it, so enjoy it! LOL at the lubber/scrubber typo..hahaha!

T said...

with all the blech going around with my kids I was going to ask where you got such a wonderful product which kills all the nastiness... but considering the smell I'll just continue poking holes in the ozone layer with my good old trusty Lysol

Kazzy said...

Well, at least you tried to be environmentally sensitive by buying the stinky stuff. I just ruin the planet by buying the normal stuff. Bad bad me.

ps I talked to my hub all about the grad school thing, and he said quite often the acceptance or rejection is related to fit in genre. He said to not let it affect your writing. Not everyone needs grad school in creative writing to be a good writer. :)

Jillybean said...

If you think basketball smells bad then you have obviously never smelled hockey.